Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 21 of 62)

Do I Really Believe in the Power of Love?

…love is as strong as death.

The Bible, Song of Solomon 8:6c, New international version

It’s easy to talk about the power of love, but do I live like I really believe it? 

When I read the following true story, it reminded me of the actual power of love. It both challenged and encouraged me to live more authentically from a place of love. I want to grow in responding to everyone with love, no matter the hatred they cast toward me. I hope this story gives you the strength to respond with love in your life. If you do, you’ll make a better world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

At a 1960 lunch counter sit-in protesting segregation in Arlington, Virginia, Quaker peace activist David Hartsough discovered God’s power in the power of nonviolence: 

“Love your enemies . . . do good to those who hate you.” 

I was meditating on those words when I heard a voice behind me say, “Get out of this store in two seconds, or I’m going to stab this through your heart.” I glanced behind me at a man with the most terrible look of hatred I had ever seen. His eyes blazed, his jaw quivered, and his shaking hand held a switchblade—about half an inch from my heart. . . .

I turned around and tried my best to smile. Looking him in the eye, I said to him, “Friend, do what you believe is right, and I will still try to love you.” Both his jaw and his hand dropped. Miraculously, he turned away and walked out of the store.

That was the most powerful experience of my twenty years of life. It confirmed my belief in the power of love, the power of goodness, the power of God working through us to overcome hatred and violence. I had a profound sense that nonviolence really works. At that moment, nonviolence became much more than a philosophical idea or a tactic that had once made a difference in Gandhi’s India. It became the way I wanted to relate to other human beings, a way of life, a way of working for change.

My response had touched something in my accuser. He had seen me as an enemy. But through my response, I believe I became a human being to him. The humanity in each of us touched.

David Hartsough with Joyce Hollyday, Waging Peace: Global Adventures of a Lifelong Activist (Oakland, CA: PM Press, 2014), 19, 20. As shared in the Oct 23, 2022 Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org).

Three Simple Questions to Improve Your Communication

“And then things got heated…”

How often could you use that phrase to describe a conversation you’ve overheard or been a part of? It seems all too common these days. Discourse about politics, religion, race, social issues, family, fill-in-the-blank, so often devolves into harsh words, judgements, and accusations. It feels like we’re more divided from each other than ever.

In my own relationships and on a larger scale, I struggle to find things I can do to help heal our disunity, or at least not unnecessarily contribute to it. The problem feels big, and I feel inadequate to address it. But I take hope in remembering that small positive actions done over time, especially when replicated by many, can make a significant impact on the most daunting of dilemmas.

When I read the following quote, I felt like I’d been handed one such action:

Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?” At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?” At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”

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Such a simple technique. While it isn’t easy, I believe conditioning ourselves to pause and ask ourselves these three questions before we speak would radically improve our personal interactions. And who knows? Maybe our example would be followed by others and a broader healing could take place. Many ripples in a pond are created by a single stone.

Are you willing to try? Take just a moment to consider what you’re about to sayis it TRUE? Is it NECESSARY? Is it KIND? If you do, you’ll help heal our world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Personal Growth Motivation by Remembering your WHY

Personal development is hard. 

It takes intentionality. Forethought. Effort. Dedication. Discipline. It’s sometimes painful. The benefits are often far in the future. Do I believe it’s worth it? 1000%. Does pretending it’s easy help? No.

Remembering WHY you’re pursuing personal growth can provide the motivation you need to keep going. Your WHY can be a lot of things—more physical energy, greater peace, better relationships, a deeper sense of purpose, connecting with your Higher Power, healing a wound from your past, and the list goes on. 

I recently had a flash of personal WHY clarity when I read the following quote:

The only person who can answer the questions posed by the often painful challenges of aging is the person we will be in the moment we confront those circumstances. The shaping of that person into someone with greater wisdom and equanimity can begin in this moment.

Kathleen Dowling Singh in The Grace in Aging: Awaken as You Grown Older

I’m fifty-three. Not terribly old, but certainly not young. I’m closer to the end of my life than the beginning. As I look ahead to the questions aging brings, I’m reminded that the best thing I can bring to an unknown future is a mature version of myself. Improving my emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health now not only benefits me in the short term, but will also make the inevitable struggles of aging easier. That knowledge gives me serious motivation to do the work.

What are your WHYs for personal development? Remind yourself of them often. Write them on sticky notes on your mirror. Add them to your calendar the first of each month. Discuss them with trusted companions. Read, watch, and listen to others following a similar path. If you do, your future self will thank you, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

Kathleen Dowling Singh, The Grace in Aging: Awaken as You Grow Older (Boston, MA: Wisdom Publications, 2014), 12, 16–17, 17–18, 21, 24.

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