Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 23 of 62)

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Downton Abbey and the Meaning of Life

June 18, 2022 / / 0 Comments

“What is a weekend?”

If that quote makes you smile, you’re probably a fan of Downton Abbey. The popular PBS series about the English aristocratic Crawley family and the servants who worked for them ran for six seasons and spawned two feature films.

I recently saw the movie Downton Abbey: A New Era. As usual, I enjoyed the sweeping cinematography, the elegant dialogue, and intriguing story lines. But I came away with an unexpectedly powerful reminder of what I believe to be the meaning of life:

Relationships.

Without spoiling the plot, the tightly knit family and staff go through a wide gamut of experiences—weddings, deaths, windfalls, tragedies, surprises—and a litany of emotions—joy, sorrow, disappointment, grief, hope, love. But through it all, rich or poor, old or young, conservative or liberal, outgoing or reserved, what mattered most in the end was the quality of the relationships each person had formed. 

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I sat in my car after the movie and asked myself a hard question—was I investing enough time and energy in the important relationships in my life? In my family, in my close friends, in God? When moments of triumph and tragedy come, will those strong ties be there to sweeten my celebrations and ease my sorrows? It isn’t a question of whether or not those people be physically present, but will our relationships have the requisite emotional depth for them to truly enter into those moments with me? The kind of depth that only comes with effort and intentionality?

The thought of coming to the joyful and painful milestones in my life with regret over underdeveloped relationships haunted me. I drove away with a renewed commitment to deepen my investment in my family, my friends, and God.

Photo by Ryan Holloway on Unsplash

So how about you? Would you agree that the true meaning of life is found in relationships? No matter your answer, relationships are at least of significant importance to most of us. How would you rate yours? Answer honestly. Decide which relationships are of utmost value. Invest in them practically with your time, energy, and effort. If you do, you’ll avoid crushing regret, and have a richer, more satisfying life, as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Life-Changing Power of Solitude

June 11, 2022 / / 4 Comments

There is a simple, free, powerful tool of personal development that most of us avoid:

Solitude.

How do you react to that word? What other words or images come to your mind? Loneliness, boredom, useless, longing? Do you picture yourself on a desert island or an isolated mountaintop or in a crowded room full of strangers who ignore you? 

You may live by yourself and experience being alone on a regular basis. Many of us went through forced isolation during the Covid-19 pandemic. But how often do we use our time alone to experience real solitude? When we distract ourselves with television, email and social media, we aren’t really experiencing solitude, at least not in the personal development sense. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, but they’re generally not transformative.

The type of solitude I’m talking about is being alone with yourself. Your thoughts. Your regrets. Your hopes and dreams. Your reflections on life. On who you’ve become and who you want to be. That type of mental and emotional exercise can be uncomfortable at times, which is why it’s often avoided. Distracting ourselves is far easier.

But wonderful things can happen in solitude. New insights. Renewed hope. Self-forgiveness. Clearer perspectives. And for those of us with a spiritual bent, we can find a deeper connection with God, the universe, Love or whatever we may call our higher power. My daily time of solitude in our bedroom closet for meditation and prayer is the cornerstone of my spiritual, emotional and mental wellbeing.

Author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen beautifully described the power of solitude: 

“A life without a lonely place, that is, a life without a quiet center, easily becomes destructive. When we cling to the results of our actions as our only way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than as friends with whom we share the gifts of life.

In solitude we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover in the center of our own self that we are not what we can conquer, but what is given to us. In solitude we can listen to the voice of him who spoke to us before we could speak a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to help, who set us free long before we could free others, and who loved us long before we could give love to anyone. It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the results of our efforts. In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It’s there we recognize that the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is part of a greater love; and the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be received.”

henri nouwen

Have you experienced real solitude lately? Do you feel the need? Make the time today. Get alone. Breathe deep. Quiet your mind. Let your thoughts come. See what bubbles up. Process it honestly. You may find unexpected treasures, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

The Unexpected Challenge After Achieving a Dream

June 4, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Every eye in the room was on me.

I was sitting beside New York Times bestsellers. Authors who had been in the industry for decades. Writers with dozens of books to their names. And people were listening to me talk about being an author.

I’ve shared in recent posts about achieving my dream of becoming a published author. My debut books don’t hit the shelves until May of 2023, yet I’d still been invited to participate in author panels at this year’s big comic con event Phoenix Fan Fusion. For the first time, fans of books and aspiring authors were looking to me for entertainment, info on the publishing industry, and writing advice. It was a surreal and wonderful experience.

It was also unexpectedly challenging. As I sat on stage with my name in big bold letters on the table in front of me, alongside far more seasoned and successful authors, I was smacked with a huge case of impostor syndrome. The feeling that I was an impersonator. That I didn’t belong. That I would open my mouth and everyone would realize that inviting me had been a terrible mistake.

I had a choice to make—back down or stand up. Submit to my insecurities or step into the spotlight. I took a deep breath, remembered the hard road that brought me here, and settled in. I’m a long way from being where some of my fellow authors are, but I’m also a long way from where I was when I sat in the audience, dreaming of someday being on stage.

The weekend at the convention was a gift in so many ways. I met wonderful authors I now call friends. I gained so much experience participating in panels. And I was able to give advice and encouragement to aspiring authors like so many generous published authors have done for me over the years.

That experience ended with an unexpected high note. After the convention, I tweeted two of my literary heroes, Neil Gaiman (Coraline) and R. L. Stine (Goosebumps), thanking them for their wonderful writing courses on the streaming service MasterClass. I shared how their coaching helped me land a four book deal for my spooky middle grade monster mystery series Monsterious with Penguin Random House. To my shock and delight, they both personally replied with congratulations.

The journey of personal development is never complete. Success is not reaching a destination so much as advancing along your Dream Road. When you hit a milestone, celebrate it. Savor your well-earned moment in the sun. But don’t be surprised if another challenge awaits. Own your accomplishment. Step into your space. Believe in yourself. Have humility. Show gratitude. Acknowledge the help of others. Don’t deflect praise or shy away from your place. Enjoy it. Use your newfound position to help others along their own path. If you do, you’ll find a rich and satisfying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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