I stared at my computer screen in despair.
I was reading yet another rights report in a prominent book publishing industry newsletter. Every week, the latest book deals were listed, along with a photo of the author’s smiling face and details of their deal. I felt sick as I thought about my prospects. So many people want to be published. There are so many books. I’ll never break through. I’ll never see my face listed there.
The low point passed, and I refocused. I kept working at my writing craft and learning about the industry.
Months later, I caught a break. I got the chance to pitch my first book to a literary agent. He agreed to read it, then eventually signed me as a client. He sent it to an editor at one of the “big five” publishing houses in New York. She liked my book and asked if I would do some preliminary edits. I did, and she took it to her team. I was floored. I was thrilled. This was actually going to happen!
And then it didn’t. The team wasn’t enthused, so she passed on my book. My agent sent it to a host of other editors, then still more. Over the course of a year, they all said no. Then he sent my second book to another swath of editors, only to receive another long list of rejections. All the while, I kept writing, kept learning, kept growing. I wrote a third book that was never submitted, then a fourth book which my agent sent as an exclusive submission to another “big five” editor.
And then I got the call. The one I’d dreamed about since I was a kid. The editor made an offer. I had a book deal. I was going to be a published author. After another twelve months of negotiations, contracts, edit letters, and revisions, I recently opened the industry newsletter I’ve been reading for years and saw this:
It was a surreal moment. A dream-come-true moment.
Writing is a dream of my heart. I love it. The creative expression. Giving voice to the stories, feelings, and thoughts inside me. Sharing them with others. Giving them away in formats like this blog. That’s why, despite the overwhelming odds, I kept going through years of struggle. I had decided that even if my dream of a becoming a traditionally published author never came true, the journey would still be worth it.
What dream are you pursuing? What obstacles, struggles, and frustrations have you encountered along the way? Does working toward that dream make you come alive or continually drag you down? Are you seeing progress and improvement or stagnation and mediocrity? Is this a dream to set aside or one to doggedly pursue? Is it a dream of your head or your heart?
A dream of your head is something you could do, while a dream of your heart is something you must do. How can you tell the difference? Ask yourself this question—if at the end of your life your dream never came true, would you still be glad you’d tried? Would the joy of the journey and what it taught you be enough? If yes, that’s a dream of your heart.
If you feel you’d regret the blood, sweat and tears, that only achieving your goal would make the effort worth it, or if the journey is primarily a grind, you may be pursuing a dream of your head. It might be a worthwhile goal, something you’d like, but it’s not a dream of your heart. It’s not something you’d do for free for the rest of your life. It’s not what you were made for. It’s not what you were put on this earth to do.
Quiet your mind. Ask yourself the hard question—am I pursuing a dream of my head or my heart? Be brutally honest. If you believe you’re on the right path, keep going. Don’t let anything stop you. If you realize you’re chasing a dream of your head, pause. Is that dream worth your time, energy and effort? Is it worthy of your one and only life? Find the dream of your heart. Pursue it with everything you have. If you do, you’ll have a richer, more satisfying life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
