Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 28 of 71)

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Realize Your Dreams with S.M.A.R.T. Goals (Part 1)

January 14, 2023 / / 0 Comments

I recently came across this post I originally published April 9, 2022. Given that January is time for reflection and goal setting for many of us, I thought I’d share it again in hopes that it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

I’ve dreamed of being an author since I was a kid.

The creative outlet. Having people enjoy my stories. Being my own boss. Having a flexible schedule. Making a difference in people’s lives.

For forty years that remained just a dream. Why? Because I never made any goals to bring that dream to life. A dream is only a destination. Goals are a roadmap to get you there.

When I was finally ready to take my author dream seriously, I made four goals:

1. Write a book.

This was something I’d never done before. Go from Chapter One until The End. Just finish, even if no one ever read it.

2. Get an agent.

Have a literary professional believe in me and my book enough to represent me.

3. Get a book deal.

Any book deal. From anybody. For any amount of money.

4. Make a living wage from writing for one year.

This was not so much about the money, but what it signifies—that a publisher and readers invested enough in my books to support me for a year.

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

I set those goals five years ago. I’m thrilled and a little stunned that I have achieved them all. Now I’m moving on to new goals, like having my debut series (the first two books publish May 9, 2023 and you can learn about them here) sell well enough that my publisher wants additional books, and being able to earn a living wage as an author for five consecutive years.

Making effective goals can feel overwhelming. I recently listened to a really helpful Book Marketing Simplified podcast on setting S.M.A.R.T. goals. In my next post, I’ll share some tips on how to apply that wisdom to your dream. Until then, decide what dream you’re ready to work on. If you do, you’ll be on your way to making it a reality, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Why I Hate New Year’s Resolutions (and What I Do Instead)

December 31, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I hate New Year’s resolutions. 

As someone who has been dedicated to personal development for decades, that may sound surprising. If they are helpful for you, wonderful. Embrace them. For me, an external date on the calendar has never provided enough motivation for me to stick to my goals. The annual cycle of failure only succeeded in making me feel bad about myself.

In order to change something meaningful about my life, the motivation has to come from within. I have to want it badly enough to go through the inevitable pain of change. The problem for me is summed up in this quote:

The reinvention of daily life means marching off the edge of our maps.

Bob black

My love of routine and timid nature make reinventing myself a struggle. I like my map. I’m comfortable with my map. It’s neat and predictable and familiar. I have a sense of control, however illusionary that actually is.

Venturing beyond the edges of my map means traveling to frightening places, filled with strange and wild things. It’s messy, unpredictable, unfamiliar, and potentially dangerous. As Bilbo Baggins once said of such adventures, “Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner!”

So my desire for comfortable routine is at odds with my desire for personal development. Becoming the best mental, emotional, and spiritual version of myself requires that I take up my walking stick and step boldly over my familiar borders.

To find my courage, I must remember that the best things in my life came to me when I dared to enter the unknown—my marriage. My kids. My career as a musician and now as a writer. My relationship with God. My travels and life-giving friendships. I enjoy these most precious things at their current health and depth only because of the times I chose to march off the edge of my map.

There have been many failures along the way. Countless times, I’ve been too fearful or too comfortable to risk the journey. Sometimes I’ve taken the risk only to wander into swamps, lose my way in a misty forest, or wind up adrift on a stormy sea. Marching off the edge of our maps is not for the faint of heart. But that is where True Life lies. Energy. Adventure. Meaning. Wonder. A sense of being alive that’s found nowhere else.

What are your growth goals for the new year? Are they mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, or something else? Whatever they may be, if you truly want to reinvent your life, you must be willing to march of the edge of your map. Read new things. Talk with different people. Visit untried places. Start unfamiliar ventures. If you do, an incredible adventure awaits, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

The Surprising Benefits of Silence

December 17, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Silence.

What adjectives come to mind when you read that word? Relaxing? Boring? Wonderful? Scary?

Silence is a surprisingly complex thing. It can be intimidating, yet it offers many benefits such as anxiety reduction, mental clarity, increased creativity, and a deeper connection to self. Intentional silence has been a regular practice of mine for many years, and has become a foundational part of my mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Here’s what renowned author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen wrote about silence:

At first silence might only frighten us. In silence we start hearing voices of darkness: our jealousy and anger, our resentment and desire for revenge, our lust and greed, and our pain over losses, abuses, and rejections. These voices are often noisy and boisterous. They may even deafen us. Our most spontaneous reaction is to run away from them and return to our entertainment.

But if we have the discipline to stay put and not let these dark voices intimidate us, they will gradually lose their strength and recede into the background, creating space for the softer, gentler voices of the light.

These voices speak of peace, kindness, gentleness, goodness, joy, hope, forgiveness, and most of all, love. They might at first seem small and insignificant, and we may have a hard time trusting them. However, they are very persistent and they will be stronger if we keep listening. They come from a very deep place and from very far. They have been speaking to us since before we were born, and they reveal to us that there is no darkness in the One who sent us into the world, only light. They are part of God’s voice calling us from all eternity: “My beloved child, my favorite one, my joy.”

henri nouwen

What is your relationship with silence? Do you yearn for it or run from it? Start small. Find a quiet place. Mute your phone. Find a calming view. Sit for three minutes. See what comes to your mind and how the experience affects your body. Experiment with longer sessions, with your eyes closed, with different locations, with repeating a focus word or phrase, or having a peaceful mental image. Use a mediation timer like the Calm app or, for those with a Christian spiritually bent, the One Minute Pause app. If you do, you’ll find the benefits quick in coming, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books. Excerpt published in Nov 24, 2022 daily meditation from The Henri Nouwen Society.

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