Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 3 of 62)

The Counterintuitive Benefits of Mindfulness

August 31, 2024 / / 0 Comments

It’s completely counterintuitive. 

I’ve written about my efforts to live and work more “unhurriedly” before. It’s the idea that working slower and more deliberately with greater focus and attention produces a better outcome than faster-paced work. A little like “slow and steady wins the race,” but with an emphasis on mindfulness, which dictionary.com defines as:  

a technique in which one focuses one’s full attention only on the present, experiencing thoughts, feelings, and sensations but not judging them.

World-respected Buddhist practitioner and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh described mindfulness this way:

Mindful living is an art. You do not have to be a monk or live in a monastery to practice mindfulness. You can practice it anytime, while driving your car or doing housework. Driving in mindfulness will make the time in your car joyful, and it will also help you avoid accidents. You can use the red traffic light as a signal of mindfulness, reminding you to stop and enjoy your breathing. Similarly, when you do the dishes after dinner, you can practice mindful breathing so the time of dish washing is pleasant and meaningful. Do not feel you have to rush. If you hurry, you waste the time of dish washing. The time you spend washing dishes and doing all your other everyday tasks is precious. It is time for being alive. When you practice mindful living, peace will bloom during your daily activities.

thich nhat hanh, your true home, entry 29

The success of my attempts to practice mindfulness is mixed. It’s a completely different mindset for me. I’ve spent decades learning how to work faster, more efficiently, to fill all the gaps, to multitask, with a drive to cross as many things off my to-do list as possible. Yet when I manage to achieve this mindfulness approach, I’m shocked to find that:

1. I get MORE work done

2. I get BETTER work done

3. I ENJOY my work more

4. I feel RELAXED and PEACEFUL at the end of the day vs exhausted and harried

What is your normal pace of daily life? Is it characterized by striving attack or gentle grace? Pause regularly. Gaze out the window. Take a few deep breaths. Chat briefly with a friend, loved one, or co-worker. Make an extra cup of tea. Move with thoughtfulness and attention. If you do, you’ll experience a boost in both peace and productivity as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published on June 17, 2023.

Hope is an Axe

August 24, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Sometimes four words can stop your heart:

HOPE IS AN AXE.

Hope is not a lottery ticket you can sit on the sofa and clutch, feeling lucky. It is an axe you break down doors with in an emergency.

Rebecca Solnit, Hope in the Dark: The Untold History of People Power

I’m a big fan of hope. I’ve thought about, cultivated, and written about it often (you can read those posts here, here, and here). But I’d never thought of hope in such a forceful way, like a weapon to cut through the morass of doubt, fear, and cynicism that surrounds us. It changes hope from a fragile, ephemeral feeling to a rugged, dependable tool.

That perspective on hope is mirrored in the response author, actor, and musician Nick Cave gave to a fan who presented him with a question I’m sure many of us have asked ourselves:

“Do you still believe in us human beings?”

Nick’s answer paints a sharp-edged view of hope:

Much of my early life was spent holding the world and the people in it in contempt. It was a position both seductive and indulgent. The truth is, I was young and had no idea what was coming down the line. It took a devastation to teach me the preciousness of life and the essential goodness of people. It took a devastation to reveal the precariousness of the world, of its very soul, and to understand that the world was crying out for help. It took a devastation to understand the idea of mortal value, and it took a devastation to find hope.

Unlike cynicism, hopefulness is hard-earned, makes demands upon us, and can often feel like the most indefensible and lonely place on Earth. Hopefulness is not a neutral position — it is adversarial. It is the warrior emotion that can lay waste to cynicism.

Each redemptive or loving act, as small as you like — such as reading to your little boy, showing him something you love, singing him a song, or putting on his shoes — keeps the devil down in the hole. (Hope) says the world and its inhabitants have value, and are worth defending. It says the world is worth believing in. In time, we come to find that this is so.

Nick Cave

When you feel torn by the strain of the world, when people around you surrender to their shadow side, when cynicism sings its siren song, set your feet. Reach down deep. Heft the axe of hope. Slam its love-hardened blade into your anger, your despair, your fear. If you do, the sun will blaze through the rend in the darkness, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Relief from Hidden Stress with Stillness

August 17, 2024 / / 6 Comments

The knots in my gut are beginning to relax. 

Until I came to this quiet AirBnb in remote Skull Valley Arizona, I didn’t know they were there. The knots had been my companions for so long, they felt normal. 

It makes sense. In the last 18 months, my wife’s father died. I had my debut author year. Was rushed to the hospital by ambulance with excruciating pain in my abdomen. Published five books. Went on three national book tours. My mom spent months in ICUs before dying in hospice. My wife and I sold three properties, including our primary residence. Bought a new vehicle. Sold and donated virtually all our possessions. Became digital nomads, living in hotels, AirBnbs, and with friends and family. 

Skull Valley AZ

The depth and pace of stress and change, both thrilling and horrifying, have taken their toll. So as Lisa and I sit in a refurbished barn at the end of a three mile dirt road with nowhere to go, the twisted strands in my gut are loosening. I hadn’t realized how much I needed this.

I’m trying to lean into the silence. The stillness. The lack of busyness. To rest. To heal. To learn what God, the universe, my body, and my soul are trying to teach me.

Life has seasons. They come and go based on a mix of my own choices and factors completely beyond my control. In my confusion, laziness, and stress, I sometimes confuse the two. It often takes days like these to untangle the threads. I’m grateful for the opportunity. 

Skull Valley AZ

Do you have hidden (or not so hidden) stress? Take a moment to pause. Be still. Breathe deep. Gaze into your life. Reflect. Be honest about what you see. Hear the voices of yourself, the universe, your Higher Power. Learn the lessons they have to teach. If you do, you’ll find relief, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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