Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 33 of 68)

4 Elements that Explain Your Past and Determine Your Future

February 26, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I’ve been looking in the proverbial mirror lately and asking:

Who am I, and what makes me, me?

I think there are four main elements that explain how I got where I am and provide a roadmap for who I want to become:

1. Nature

My personality. Temperament. Basic physical traits. Talents. Inclinations. Areas of giftedness. My hardwiring. Who I was from day one without my choice or ability to change. 

2. Nurture

How I was raised. What I was taught. How I was treated. What was modeled for me. Who I was told I was. Again, this was not my choice and was beyond my control. Good or bad, I can’t change how I was nurtured. 

3. Experiences

What has happened to me. Good and bad things that were thrust upon me. Things I willingly sought out. Unexpected opportunities I seized. People, places, situations and other perspectives I’ve encountered.

4. Responses

How I have chosen or am choosing to react to every experience I’ve had. When bad experiences are forced upon me, do I cling to a victim mentality or do I seek the help I need to grow, forgive and move on? When I’m exposed to another worldview, do I retreat to my comfortable preconceptions, or am I open to allowing my convictions to change? Healthy responses aren’t easy, but am I doing my best to choose them in every situation? Am I developing the skills and stamina I need to improve my reactions?

These four components have been major building blocks in forming who I am. They light the path to who I want to be. The only things that are truly in my control are the experiences I seek and how I choose to respond to ALL of my experiences, past, present and future.

So who are you really? Look back on your life. What is your nature? How were you nurtured? What experiences were forced upon you? Don’t beat yourself up over things beyond your control, but choose to address them in a healthy way. What experiences did you seek out? What unexpected opportunities have you seized? Acknowledge the impact of your choices, both positive and negative. Search for new experiences with growth potential. Choose mindfully how you respond to all your experiences. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Peace Through Simplicity (part 2): Your Time

February 19, 2022 / / 0 Comments

My wonderful readers – I am working hard on the revisions requested by my editor for my debut novel which will publish next summer with Penguin Random House (more details to come in future posts!). So for a few weeks, I’ll be mining some popular posts from previous years. This one was originally published October 24, 2020. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! I hope you find this helpful on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

In my last post, I told the story of how simplifying my relationship with material possessions has led to greater peace and significant life change. You can read it here.

The story doesn’t end there. Just as I fell for the advertising lie that more stuff equals more happiness, I used to buy into the idea that a filled schedule is better than minimal one. “I’m squeezing the most out of life” and “Look how busy and important I am” became subconscious mantras I told myself to justify my overcommitted calendar.

I’ve been amazed at how well the lessons of simplicity I learned about my stuff have worked when applied to my time. Decluttering my possessions led to decluttering my schedule. Saying no to impulse purchases led to saying no to impulse commitments. Less stress and greater freedom with my finances led to less stress and greater freedom with my schedule.

Most of us love the idea of more free time and fewer commitments, just as most of us love the idea of an organized and decluttered house. But we don’t drift into either of those things. It takes intentionality. Without vigilance, our schedules can gradually fill up with commitments just like our homes can gradually fill up with possessions.

When my wife Lisa and I moved from a big house in Arizona with lots of stuff to an apartment in California with not much stuff, I chose to make a fresh start with my commitments. I started with a blank slate, then added things to my schedule thoughtfully, realizing the beauty of calendar space. I prioritized the things that really matter to me, like relationships, creativity, and serving, by using the same criteria for my commitments that I applied to my possessions – true utility or real joy. Lisa helped keep me honest. Now with margin in my schedule, I have time to deal with the unexpected things life throws my way and look forward to the few things I do agree to.

If there’s one positive thing that’s come from COVID-19, it may be that the canceling of so many of our regular events, commitments, and activities has forced us to reexamine our relationship with them. What is really most important to us? How do we actually want to spend our most precious resource – time?

What would your schedule look like if you could start over? Here’s an exercise to find out. Begin with a blank canvas, hypothetically eliminating everything. Due to coronavirus restrictions, that may even be close to your reality right now. Then carefully put back one commitment at a time. Leave nothing unquestioned, even your work schedule. You probably can’t quit your job, but is there a way to get the time requirements closer to where you want to be? Are you able to cut back or work more from home for greater flexibility and no commute? If not, ask the harder question of whether or not you’re in the right career long term.

For commitments you decide you want or need to keep, do they require their current frequency? Could you reduce some of your daily commitments to weekly, weekly to monthly, or monthly to quarterly? When COVID-19 restrictions lift, do your kids really need to be in soccer and band and karate? Is that actually good for them? For your family? When our kids were younger, my wife and I allowed them each one extra-curricular activity at a time. It truly saved our sanity.

Decluttering your schedule will provide many of the same benefits as decluttering your home. You’ll feel lighter, calmer, freer, and more peaceful. Saying no to “good but not best” things will open up time to say yes to things you really value. Sit down with your calendar today. Ask your significant others to help you and invite them to try it themselves. If you do, you’ll soon find more margin and peace, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Deal with Disappointment

January 15, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I read the text and burst into tears.

The day after Christmas, I’d woken up with a scratchy throat and a fever. I got progressively worse and went to a drive-through testing site. Later that day, I got the results. After being fully vaccinated, boosted and wearing a mask inside public places, I’d still somehow contracted Covid-19.

I didn’t cry because I’d finally caught the disease I’d been dodging for almost two years. And thanks to the vaccines, I wasn’t worried about landing in the hospital or dying. I was crushed because we were three days away from our family holiday gathering with our kids.

Both our son and daughter spent Christmas with their in-laws this year, with our family slated to spend New Year’s weekend together. The six of us all being in the same place is a rare occurrence, and each one is my favorite time of the year by a mile. Now, like so many other families this year, my Covid diagnosis had just blown that cherished occasion out of the water.

Here are some things I learned from that bitter disappointment:

1.  Let yourself feel it. 

Disappointments are painful. Pretending otherwise doesn’t help anyone. As my dear friend and accountability partner often reminds me in hard times, “You’ve gotta let yourself feel the feels.” And while it’s good perspective to remember that others have it far worse, that doesn’t negate your pain. Just because someone else has cancer doesn’t mean your broken leg doesn’t hurt. That’s why I let myself cry and express my sorrow to my wife and kids.

2.  Is this a dream destroyed or a dream delayed?

After letting myself absorb the crushing news and talking it through with my wife, I called my kids. They were not only supportive and understanding, but let me know we could reschedule for a couple of weeks later. While still disappointing, the sting was much less when I learned I just had to wait a little longer.

3. Are there any hidden benefits to the change? 

Often you’re unable to see any unexpected benefits to a disappointment, at least not until time has passed. But sometimes you can find them even in the short term. My wife pointed out that if we had done our family celebration on Christmas Day and my pre-gathering test came up negative, I would have unknowingly put everyone at risk. I felt a huge relief knowing that didn’t happen.

4. Let it go.

My wife used to be a realtor and often put in countless hours with a client only to have them decide not to buy or worse yet, purchase a for-sale-by-owner home. Both instances meant she didn’t get paid. When that happened, her real estate broker gave her sage advice that she’s lived by ever since: “Let yourself feel bad for five minutes, then say ‘What’s next?’” Clinging to bitter disappointment doesn’t change the reality of it—it only lengthens its negative impact.

Disappointment is inevitable. How you respond to it is up to you. Let yourself ‘feel the feels.’ See if it’s a defeat or a delay. Search out any hidden benefits or hard-won lessons. Then let it go and move on. If you do, you’ll soften life’s stings and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

« Older posts Newer posts »

Never Miss a Post – Subscribe Here!

© 2025 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑