Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 34 of 68)

The Real Point of Celebrating New Year’s

What’s the point of celebrating New Year’s anyway?

It’s a milestone, a way of marking time. A chance to look back over a segment of our lives with fondness or regret. An opportunity for reflection, to see how (or if) we’ve grown personally. A convenient bookend to Christmas which extends the holiday season. An excuse to celebrate and have a good time.

Those are all valid reasons. But I think there’s a deeper one, an underlying theme that ties them all together. One that all of us long for but most of us rarely talk about with any depth.

It’s hope. I believe we celebrate New Year’s because we’re longing for hope. Hope that the coming year will be better than the last. This typically manifests itself in three ways:

1. We hope THE WORLD will be better.

That Covid will fade. Political division will ease. Racial tensions will improve. Economic disparity will lesson.

2. We hope OUR LIVES will be better.

Less stressful. Less difficult. More enjoyable. More fulfilling. Healed relationships. An improved work situation.

3. We hope that WE will be better.

More confident. More loving. More patient. More passionate. More compassionate. More alive.

So here’s the real question:

How realistic are those hopes?

I’m an optimist by nature and choice, but if I’m honest about my hopes for THE WORLD, things are looking grim. Unless our vaccination rates increase, Covid is sticking around for awhile. While the U.S. political landscape feels calmer than in recent years, it appears as fractured as ever. A broader acceptance of the ongoing impact of racism is helpful, but we have a long road ahead toward deep cultural change. Until those at the top choose to invest in and share with those at the bottom, the wealth gap will continue to grow, to the detriment of us all.

There are things I can do to bring about my hopes for THE WORLD. I can get vaccinated, commit to civil discourse and open-mindedness on political issues, acknowledge my own racial privilege, support policies for a more just economy and give money to quality charities that work to end global poverty. But even with all that, my impact will be relatively small.

My odds of actualizing my hopes for MY LIFE are better. I can scale back on my commitments, adopt a greater work/life balance, spend more time on life-giving hobbies, pursue a more enjoyable career and invest in meaningful relationships. But many things remain outside of my control—layoffs, illnesses, accidents and the choices of others can all seriously impact my quality of life.

That leaves me with my hopes for becoming a better version of MYSELF. Physically. Spiritually. Mentally. Emotionally. These are largely within my control. Improvements in this arena are ones that no one can take away from me. But no one can make them for me either. I can choose to act more loving and my feelings will follow. I can choose moderate exercise and mindful eating and I’ll feel better physically. I can grow spiritually by committing to a regular time of positive reading, meditation and communicating with my higher power. I can become more passionate by discovering and investing time in life-giving activities. I can become more compassionate by volunteering and giving money away.

So as you celebrate the New Year, think about your hopes. Do your small but important part to bring about your hopes for THE WORLD. Make minor and major changes to actualize your hopes for YOUR LIFE. But invest the lion’s share of your energy and attention to breathe life into your hopes for YOURSELF. Into becoming a better you. Because when YOU are better, your LIFE will improve, and you’ll set an example for others that can quite literally change the WORLD. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

Increase Productivity by Exploring Your Flip Side

Going was against my nature.

I’m a creature of habit. I love ritual and routine. I thrive in it. There are many benefits to this trait, like efficiency, productivity and stress reduction. But there are downsides too, like stagnation, missed opportunities and reduced creativity.

One day during a recent trip to Vancouver to visit my daughter and work on my upcoming novels, I woke to a sunny morning, a rarity in rainy October. I had planned, as is my habit, to spend the morning writing. But the sunshine reminded me of a park my daughter, a fellow hiker, suggested I try while in town.

Lynn Canyon Park, North Vancouver, Canada

I was torn. The “stick to the routine and be productive” side of me urged me to stay in and write. The “seize the opportunity” part of me, normally the weaker of the two, urged me to be spontaneous and go explore. Knowing spontaneity is a growth edge for me, I put on my hiking shoes and headed out the door before I could talk myself out of it.

The park was glorious. Lush greenery. Ancient, towering trees. A wide, rushing river. A thundering waterfall. A suspension bridge spanning a gorge. I was entranced as I moved slowly along the trail, soaking in the fairyland environment.

Lynn Canyon Park, North Vancouver, Canada

And then it happened. I saw an unusual stone. Then a strange pattern in the roots of a tree. Then a wide pool at the mouth of a cave. My author mind started firing madly, ideas for a story flowing one after the other. Over the course of the next hour, I took dozens of photos and sent myself fifteen emails of notes. By the end of the hike, I had the rough outline of a new book. I returned to our Airbnb charged with energy to write.

Lynn Canyon Park, North Vancouver, Canada

My routine nature serves me well. I’m glad for it. But that experience in the park reminded me to be open to breaking my routine when opportunities present themselves. I know not every choice to “seize the day” will produce such a flurry of creativity, productivity and energy, but I’m equally certain that I’ll miss many of those gifts if I don’t put myself in a place to receive them.

Lynn Canyon Park, North Vancouver, Canada

So how about you? Are you a creature of habit or do you lean toward the spontaneous side? Is your growth edge developing better structures or being more flexible? Embrace the benefits of your natural bent. Be intentional in developing your “flip side.” If you do, you’ll experience a richer, more engaging and productive life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

My Daily Personal Growth Mistake

I’m guilty of it virtually every day. 

When I see someone on the street, in a store or restaurant, even on TV, within seconds I make judgements about their personality, choices, character, past mistakes, present circumstances, future prospects, etc. These nearly instantaneous assessments can be positive or negative.

And they’re often wrong.

Here’s a story from our city of Tempe Arizona’s effort to end homelessness. It reminded me of just how misplaced my snap judgements usually are:

DJ was often overlooked by those passing him by on the streets. But our HOPE outreach team (Homeless Outreach Prevention Effort) always took notice, offering snacks and water as they worked to build rapport and gain his trust. At times, it was difficult for the 67-year-old man to communicate. Patiently, our team pieced together bits of his life: military service, a serious gunshot wound, a months-long coma, confusion wandering the streets, forgotten family, an inability to ask for help. 

DJ, called “crazy’’ by some, was a man who served his country and rose to the rank of colonel. 

Our outreach specialists offered DJ a motel room in the city’s temporary shelter program, provided basic necessities, began gathering ID and other vital documents, helped reinstate his Social Security, and reconnected him with veterans’ services. Through their work, DJ also learned that he had had a wife. Confused at first, he showed a glimmer of recognition and another piece of his history fell into place.

Outreach specialist Amanda Fleming, who is now working to secure permanent housing for DJ, says: “DJ never has to sleep another night on the streets, and he is able to receive some of the services he deserves as a man who fought for our country.”

Tempe homeless solutions update, october 14, 2021

I wonder if I’ve seen DJ as I’ve walked through the city. If I did, I can confidently say that my judgements about him weren’t remotely close to the truth. And not nearly charitable enough.

As you observe people today, take a moment to pause. Remember DJ. Let your judgements be kind. Generous. Compassionate. Err on the side of grace. Think of them as you’d like them to think of you. If you do, the eyes of your heart will sharpen, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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