Lately, I’ve seen an uptick in the reading of posts on the topic of hope here at Becoming Yourself. Given everything going on in our world, it’s not surprising. We could all use a little more hope these days. With that in mind, I thought I’d share a post about finding hope that I wrote in March of 2019.
Being a pastor is a weird job. You do a lot of different things, and defining success can be tricky. Ultimately, the job of any pastor is to help people. As a former music pastor for twenty-five years, my primary job was to produce the weekend services, but over my career, I also did a lot of listening and counseling.
Through decades of trying to help people become better versions of themselves, I saw a pattern emerge. It was the framework for a process that led to real growth, one that was key to every successful life-change story I observed. I’ve used this technique many times in my own personal development journey as well.
I’m going to share that process here. Whatever pain or struggle you’re going through in your life – a relationship problem, depression, addiction, etc. – the “4 H Formula” may work for you. Here it is:
HUMILITY + HELP + HEALING = HOPE
1. HUMILITY – If the first step in solving a problem is acknowledging you have one, the second is recognizing that, in most cases, you’ve had a hand in it. That you’re not just a victim, but part of the cause. That kind of brutal honesty is difficult. But without it the likelihood of overcoming your issue is almost zero. Of course there are instances when horrible things happen to you through literally no fault of your own. That’s tragic. That said, to move forward you have to take responsibility for how you’ve chosen to respond to that suffering and what action, or lack of action, you’ve taken. That takes HUMILITY.
2. HELP – The second part of the formula is to admit you need help. There are some problems you can tackle on your own, but for serious ones you almost always need HELP. Making that admission, then taking the critical step of actually asking for HELP, really gets the change process moving. Whether it’s reaching out to a friend, doctor, pastor, or professional counselor, allowing others to HELP you is vital.
3. HEALING – So you’ve shown HUMILITY by admitting your part in your problem and have asked appropriate people for HELP. Now you’re ready for the third part of the equation – take the actions necessary for HEALING. Getting help is great, but no-one can “fix you.” You have to do that yourself. You can get all the best help and advice in the world, but if you don’t act on it, nothing will change. I’ve seen this time and time again, in my own life and in those I’ve counseled. Don’t let this be you! Be brave. Do the hard work. Take action. If you add HEALING to HUMILITY and HELP, that can result in…
4. HOPE – Humility + Help + Healing = HOPE. You’ve worked your way through the formula. You’ve tackled your problem with honesty and courage which has led to real growth and change. Now revel in the feeling of HOPE that you’ve earned!
Here are a couple of real-life stories of the 4 H Formula in action (for anonymity, I’ve changes the names and certain details):
John met with me at church and shared that he was in deep depression to the point of being suicidal. He showed HUMILITY in admitting the actions he’d taken that contributed to his problems. He reached out to me for HELP. I listened, asked questions, and prayed with him. Then I gave John the phone number of a professional therapist who could give him some tools to enable him to move forward. He made the call, went to his appointments, and took the action steps the therapist gave him for HEALING. Months later, John called me saying he felt like a new person. He’d found HOPE again.
I met Gail for coffee, and she confessed to an addiction that was wrecking her marriage. She showed HUMILITY by acknowledging that her own choices were a big part of her problems. She reached out to me for HELP and asked for accountability in taking steps to break her addiction. Gail enrolled in a recovery group, worked diligently at tasks that aided in her HEALING, and was transparent with her family about her journey. A year later, she told me how great her marriage was doing. Gail’s commitment to the 4 H Formula had brought her to a place of HOPE.
So how about you? Is there a problem you’re facing that makes you feel hopeless? Are you ready to take steps toward real change? Try the 4 H Formula: Show HUMILITY. Ask for HELP. Take action for HEALING. If you do, you’ll find HOPE and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed professional counselor and all opinions expressed here are my own.
