I recently read a reflection on a deep truth—being is more important than doing.
It’s a familiar concept, but as I’d just come off a busy season of travel and writing deadlines, the reminder hit home. I felt my breath deepen and my shoulders relax. Yes. Doing is good. Being is better.
Here are those simple words from the pen of the late author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen:
I suspect that we too often have lost contact with the source of our own existence and have become strangers in our own house. We tend to run around trying to solve the problems of our world while anxiously avoiding confrontation with that reality wherein our problems find their deepest roots: our own selves. In many ways we are like the busy executive who walks up to a precious flower and says: “What for God’s sake are you doing here? Can’t you get busy somehow?” and then finds the flower’s response incomprehensible: “I am sorry, but I am just here to be beautiful.
How can we also come to this wisdom of the flower that being is more important than doing? How can we come to a creative contact with the grounding of our own life?
henri nouwen
Take time to pause. Breath deep. Be still. Do nothing. Reconnect with the source of your identity, be that God, the universe, or whatever forms the core of your being. If you do, you’ll take another relaxed step toward Becoming Yourself.
When I nervously wrote my first blog post back in 2017, I had no idea that I’d still be going eight years and three hundred posts later. That’s probably a good thing. The pressure would have stopped me in my tracks.
When I think back to all the life lessons I’ve learned and written about, a handful of recurring insights rise to the top. Here’s what I’d consider to be the top keys for a healthy, meaningful, and enjoyable life:
1. Identity is Indispensable
Answering the age-old question “Who am I?” sets the foundation for everything else. I’ve realized that basing my identity on anything temporal is shaky ground. If I use my career, my abilities, a relationship, or my season of life, what happens when I’m laid off or retire, my skills fade with age or lack of use, a relationship ends, or my kids move away? Who am I then? For me, I’ve found my deepest, unshakeable identity as someone who belongs to God. Whatever you choose for you identity’s foundation, make it something worthy of the wonderful person you are.
2. Purpose is Paramount
Find a worthwhile pursuit that you enjoy to focus your energy on. It could be a career, helping others, a hobby, learning a new skill, travel, volunteering, etc. Life is far more meaningful and enjoyable when you have something that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.
3. Individuality is Immeasurable
The older I get, the more I realize the importance of pursuing my own path in life. I am NOT a norm-breaking pioneer by nature, but choosing to be a professional musician, then a published author, and now someone who lives nomadically were each non-traditional paths. Not surprisingly, they’ve been among the most rewarding aspects of my life, and I wouldn’t change them for anything. Set aside your worries about what others may think and go with whatever path truly brings you life.
4. Hope is Highest
Hope is the fuel on which the engine of my life runs. Without it, everything grinds to a halt. As author John Eldredge says, there are three kinds of hopes—casual hopes (ex: “I hope we have cheesecake tonight”), precious hopes (ex: “I hope I survive the layoffs at work”), and ultimate hopes (ex: “I hope I really matter”). All are important for a rewarding and energized life, but ultimate hopes have that name for a reason. I’ve pinned my ultimate hopes to God. Whatever you choose for the fulfillment of your ultimate hopes, make it something reliable and sustainable that gives your life momentum. (I wrote more about this idea here).
5. Peace is Pinnacle
Seasons and circumstances will inevitably change; the trick is to learn to maintain inner peace through them all. Ironically, some of my greatest inner turmoil has been during times of outward tranquillity, while some of my deepest calm has been in times of chaos. Meditation, scheduled rest, exercise, time in nature, prayer, connection with loved ones, and routine all help me find my internal balance regardless of season.
Which of these lessons resonate with you? Which ones come more naturally and which are a struggle? Claim your identity. Pursue your purpose. Embrace your individuality. Harbor your hope. Prioritize your peace. If you do, you’ll be a balm to a wounded world, and you’ll take a giant step toward Becoming Yourself.
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My wife Lisa and I are currently on a month-long journey to seven countries. While happily exploring new places, I’m editing a new novel (my first for adults) and helping Lisa develop our Substack online newsletter based on our nomadic life called Footnote: Two Nomadic Authors Hike the World. If you’d like to follow our travels, you can read about them here. Here’s a classic Becoming Yourself post that I originally published June 29, 2019.
The massage was done, and I could barely get off the table. Not because I was so relaxed, but because I was in so much pain. I injured my lower back nine months ago, and the recovery has been a slow walk down a long road. Even after a massage, my back muscles were spasming, making it feel like I was being prodded none-too-gently with an electric knife.
It wasn’t a complete surprise. I had flown to Phoenix for a music gig over the weekend, and travel, along with being on stage, can aggravate the injury. When I got back home, I had to do some furniture repair work in our apartment which required a lot of bending, another trigger.
On my massage therapist’s recommendation, I iced my back that night which helped. The next morning, I walked to an errand with my wife while I waited for my chiropractor’s office to open. My back seized up on the return trip, requiring me to stop and stretch it out before I could continue. Still having this much trouble nine months after the injury was frustrating.
Later that morning, I told my chiropractor everything I’d been doing and the pain I’d been experiencing. His reply really helped my perspective. He reminded me that a few months ago, just flying alone was enough to cause me pain. This time, it took the cumulative effect of traveling, performing, and doing a home repair project to bring on the pain symptoms. He congratulated me on my progress. I realized that the ground I’d gained on dealing with this issue had been so gradual over such a long period of time that I wasn’t seeing it clearly. I was focusing on the fact that I’m still dealing with pain after nine months vs. what it takes to cause pain now compared to earlier in my recovery.
How often do I do the same thing with personal development? I look at a growth area I’ve been working on and am frustrated that I’m not where I want to be. But am I better than I was? Have I made improvements, however slow the process has been? Am I farther down the road than when I started?
My challenge to myself and encouragement to you in your personal development process is this:
Gauge success based on how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go.
Instead of asking yourself, “Am I in shape?”, ask “Am I in better shape than when I started working out?” Instead of “Do I still get angry?”, ask “Do I get angry less often than I used to?” Instead of “Am I still in debt?”, ask “Am I less in debt that I was a year ago?” Instead of “Are my prayers honest?”, ask “Are my prayers more honest than they used to be?”
I’m not talking about rationalizing bad behavior, making excuses, or taking our eyes off our growth goals. I’m talking about redefining success as forward progress. Moving in the right direction. Like life, personal development is a journey, not a destination. When I first started this blog, Becoming Yourself, I almost used the tag line “Develop Your Best Self.” But I realized that was misleading. It implies that your best self is something you can attain when it’s not. Not in this life anyway. I chose the phrase “Developing a Better You” because I believe it more accurately reflects the ongoing, life-long process of personal development.
So how about you? How do you define your personal development success? Give yourself a break. When you’re gauging how you’re doing, look back at how far you’ve come vs. just looking at how far you have to go. Be encouraged. Be proud of yourself. Choose the long view. Let that positive feeling motivate you to keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you do, you’ll take another great step toward Becoming Yourself.
