Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 44 of 62)

How to Be Happy (Part 2): Embrace It All

In the spirit of the holidays, this is part 2 of a story I originally posted in November of 2017 that reminds us that our inner child still has lessons to teach…

So I solved the mystery of the ghost light. You can read part 1 of my true life ghost story here. On day six of the adventure, I rose before dawn to find the light once again glimmering on the hillside. My back was on the mend and I was up early enough to give ghost hunting another go. My wife, Lisa, took her post on our deck while I grabbed my flashlight and headed out to unravel the mystery once and for all.

I made my way to the summit and quickly scrambled down a now almost familiar route. As I stood among the brambles, I clicked off my flashlight and looked around. Nothing. I called Lisa. She could still see the elusive light so I worked my way across the slope following her directions. Finally she said excitedly, “You’re right on top of it!” I looked around, bewildered. Our ghost was still winning its game of hide and seek.

Then I saw it. Fifteen feet farther down the slope, I could just make out a glow coming from beneath a bush. The upward angle of Lisa’s vantage point gave her the illusion that I had reached our ghost when I was really above it. I made my way toward the mysterious light as quickly as I dared, my wounded ankle reminding me of the price of haste.

Finally, I was staring down at the ghost light. And I was still utterly confused. A strip of greenish light about six feet long and four inches wide was glowing on the ground before me. It looked as if someone had tagged the mountain with glowing spray paint. I scoured the nearby ground trying to find its source but came up empty. I wondered if perhaps it actually was glowing paint so I bent down to touch it. When I saw the shadow of my hand, I knew it wasn’t paint. I stepped to the lower end of the luminous stripe and it disappeared, lost in my shadow. It was coming from somewhere behind me. Completely mystified, I turned around and looked down the slope, both on the mountain and in the backyards of my neighbors, in an attempt to find the origin of this weird light. Nothing.

My first view without zoom

Wracking my brain for other possibilities, I paused for a moment to take in the view of the lights from other neighborhoods far in the distance. And then I froze. Rubbed my eyes and looked again. It couldn’t be. About a half mile away, in a completely different neighborhood, someone had erected a giant green spotlight in their yard. And not just any spotlight. A nuclear powered spotlight. Even at that distance, I literally couldn’t stare directly at it because it was so blinding. I held my hand up toward it and my skin was bathed in a greenish glow. I had found our ghost.

With partial zoom

But what about the way we saw the light dim and brighten, swirl and dance? Had we imagined it? Then it hit me. Trees. Either in their yard or somewhere in between, tree branches waving in the breeze had moved across this giant laser beam and given the illusion of a ghostly light dancing on our mountain.

I stood there in stunned silence, a thousand thoughts going through my head. Why in the world would a person put a giant green mega-watt spotlight in their yard? To be honest, I felt let down that the explanation wasn’t a little more exotic. After all that wondering and speculating and stumbling through rugged terrain in the dark, it was a spotlight. A strange but very terrestrial spotlight. But I also felt a great sense of accomplishment. I had done it! I had solved the mystery of The Ghost Light of Whisper Mountain.

With full zoom

So what does this story have to do with learning how to be happy? I think one of many keys to being happy is this – choose to embrace it all. Every step you take. Every stage you go through. Every season you’re in. Try to find the joy in wherever you find yourself on your journey. In this case, I loved that week of mystery, wondering what the light could be, talking with Lisa about it, racing up the mountain in the dark with friends. The wonder-and-investigate stage was fun. And though its conclusion was less than supernatural, I loved solving the puzzle. I enjoyed the feeling of pride that came from putting in the work and unmasking the ghost. Rather than focusing on the disappointment of discovering my distant neighbor’s odd choice of landscape lighting, I’m reveling in a case well solved and looking forward to the next mystery that life brings my way.

I think this idea needs a little more unpacking but I’ll save that for my next post. For now, in your search for happiness, choose to embrace it all. Try to find the good, the beauty, the joy hidden in every situation. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Be Happy (Part 1): Make Your 10-Year-Old Self Proud

In honor of the kid inside all of us who longs to come out at Christmas, I decided to repost a story I originally shared in October of 2017. May it inspire your inner 10 year old this holiday!

A few nights ago, I saw a ghost light. My wife and I have a deck off our bedroom that overlooks the backyard. Before going to sleep, I usually sit out there and take some time to reflect back on the day, pray and look at the stars. That’s what I was doing when I saw it. Just a glimmer, high up on the brush-and-boulder-covered hill behind our house.

At first I thought I was seeing things. There are no lights of any kind on that hill. Very rarely I’ll see the flashlight beam of a night-time hiker on the ridge but never down on the slope. It’s rugged and difficult desert terrain with nowhere to go. And you wouldn’t want to be caught up there in the dark with the rattlesnakes, coyotes, scorpions and javelina. But against all odds, there was this light.

I asked my wife, Lisa, to come out, and with the aid of binoculars, we watched it dim and brighten, swirl and pulse in a seemingly random pattern. For fifteen minutes, we observed it, trying to come up with every possible rational explanation. It wasn’t the reflected light of a headlight or a swimming pool. It wasn’t landscape lighting from a backyard. It wasn’t a white cloth fluttering in the breeze reflecting moonlight. Our best guess was that it was a light-up dog toy that a hiker tossed to their pet up on the hill. Maybe it went over the edge and got lodged on the slope. Eventually we went to bed, still wondering.

Urquhart Castle, Loch Ness, Scotland. A famous Nessie spotting site

The next morning we were up before dawn and I stepped out on the deck to check the slope. Much to my surprise, the light was still there, pulsing mysteriously in the early morning darkness. I was intrigued. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been fascinated by strange and seemingly supernatural phenomena. I’ve always loved reading about ghosts and UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. I was a huge fan of the TV show The X-Files (we named our cats Scully and Mulder). And here, virtually in my own backyard, was a mysterious light.

In that moment, wearing pajamas, standing in the dark, my head still fuzzy from sleep, I asked myself a question – should I go investigate? An internal tug-of-war began between my current 48-year-old self and my former 10-year-old self. 48’s argument went something like this:

It’s dark. I’m tired. I have stuff to do. It’s a tough climb just to get up the hill using the trail and then I’d have to scramble down through the brush and boulders. I’d have to run to get there before the sun comes up and hides the light. And there are nasty critters out there that I don’t want to meet in the dark.

48 nodded approvingly. A pretty convincing argument. Then I remembered a line from a TV commercial I saw months ago. I don’t remember what the product was but the tag line stuck with me: do something that would make your 10-year-old self proud. With that recollection, 10 piped up. His argument went something like this:

Are you kidding me?! This is AWESOME! A mysterious ghost light right in my own backyard? I gotta check this out! When will I ever get this opportunity again? Come on 48, get off your tail! You know you’ll regret this later if you don’t at least try. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!

Me at Loch Ness, Scottland

48 wavered under this onslaught of sheer enthusiasm. My inner Monster Hunter woke up and roared. Before I could talk myself out of it, I turned to Lisa and said, “I’m going up.” As I raced to change, she told me to be careful but was all for it. She was as curious as I was. Lisa would stay at the house and help guide me to the light from her vantage point via cell phone.

Ten minutes later, I was standing at the top of the hill, out of breath from the steep climb. Flashlight in hand, I scrambled down the slope, picking my way over boulders and through the brush, ears alert for the “what-are-you-doing-on-my-turf” shake of a rattlesnake’s tail. I was racing the coming dawn and losing. I had to find the ghost light before it disappeared, lost in the sunrise. I picked up my pace and in so doing, dislodged a large rock which crashed into my ankle, leaving it bloodied and throbbing.

The hill behind our house. Can you see my blue shirt in the upper left?

I stopped to catch my breath and call Lisa so she could direct my search from below. She told me the ghost light was dimming fast and tried to talk me over to it. Then she lost sight of it and neither of us could figure out exactly where it had been. I heard noises and looked to see a herd of javelina (wild desert pigs) making their way up the slope toward me. The big ones have sharp teeth and can be nasty when they’re with their young. I clapped my hands and yelled to drive them away and continued my search. I scoured the area for another fifteen minutes but to no avail. The light was gone, washed away by sunshine. I gave up and limped home.

As I write this, I can look down and see my tender, scabbed-over ankle. My back is throbbing. I must have twisted it somehow scrambling around on the rocks. So I ask myself – was it worth it? 48 turns to 10 and gives a begrudging nod. 10 beams. Totally worth it.

Happiness is an elusive goal. I usually find it when I’m chasing other things. I’m not saying that a key to happiness is to do EVERYTHING that would make my 10-year-old self proud (Oreo pizza a la mode for dinner anyone?). But for me, this challenge is a good one. I too easily default to the “shoulds” in my life. The grown-up responsibilities. The expected. The practical. When I was 10, I wanted to chase ghosts. I wanted to write a book. A spooky, mystery-adventure book. In honor of my childhood self, I just chased a ghost.  I’ve also started that book. I’m on chapter 22 and having a ball. I’ll let you know when I’m done.

Me and Lisa with our new favorite Snapchat filter

What about you? What would make your 10-year-old self proud? Going on that trip you’ve always wanted to take? Rafting that river? Exploring that castle? Learning that instrument? Archery lessons? Make a list. Make it crazy. Try not to run it through your “that’s not practical” grown-up filter. Then pick one thing and do it. Be mindful of spontaneous opportunities that come your way too. Let 10 choose your response once in a while. If you do, you’ll take another happy step toward Becoming Yourself.

P.S. So about that ghost light. It was back the next night and the following morning. I chased it again, earlier this time and with some neighbor friends. We got closer but still couldn’t find it before sunrise. Then it was gone for the next two nights. It appeared again this morning but I got up too late and am still hobbled by my tweaked back. But I’m going to keep looking. And keep chasing. I’ll let you know if I ever find it.

What I Learned from (Almost) Passing Out in a Hair Salon

It was mostly my own stupidity plus a little bad luck.

Last week, I had scheduled plenty of time to go home after my 11:45 am blood donation to eat a meal before my 3:00 pm haircut. Both locations are just down the street from my Sacramento apartment and easily walkable. I’d donate blood, stop home to eat and rest, then head to my haircut. No problem.

Things didn’t work out that way. When I arrived to donate, the nurse asked if I would be willing to do a double donation, simultaneously giving both platelets and plasma. She said it would take about 90 minutes. As that would still give me plenty of time before my haircut, I agreed. But the blood donation center was implementing a new software system which slowed down the check in process. Then once I had been in the chair for about 15 minutes, my left arm stopped cooperating causing an issue with the blood draw. The nurse said she’d need to switch to my right arm and start the process over again.

By the time I was actually finished donating, it was 2:30 pm. With the required 15 minute recovery period in the waiting area, I no longer had time to get a meal before my 3:00 pm haircut. I knew it wasn’t ideal, but I loaded up on the available free snacks to get me through until I got home.

As the haircut began, I started feeling a little unwell. No big deal, I thought, I’ll just gut it out. Then I began to sweat. A lot. Hair clippings were sticking to my face. I became lightheaded and nauseous. It was at that moment I realized I was in trouble. The affects of the double donation and lack of food had hit me hard, but my options seemed limited. How do you stop in the middle of a haircut? I let the stylist know what was happening and asked her to go as fast as she could.

The staff at the salon was awesome. While my stylist kicked it into overdrive, other people brought me some water and mini candy canes from the front counter. I chewed them, desperately trying to get some sugar into my system. Then my vision started to go. I could only make out blurry patches of light through the blackness as I struggled to stay upright in the chair. They offered to call 911 as my stylist finished, but I said I just needed to lie down. Two staff members helped me out of the chair and over to a nearby bench. Still unable to see clearly, I used voice command on my phone to call my wife Lisa to come and help me walk the half a block home.

My stylist stayed with me while a different staff person brought some chocolate covered pretzels from the break room. It was like handing someone dying of thirst a glass of ice water. I inhaled the whole bag. Slowly my vision came back, and with an incredible sense of relief, I felt a semblance of normalcy return. My wife arrived a few minutes later, paid the bill (including a generous tip), and after I’d offered my sincerest expressions of gratitude to all, she helped me home.

As I think back on that experience, I find myself feeling extremely grateful. Not for the sickness, or the sense of being trapped, or the embarrassment, but for the incredible generosity and kindness of a group of strangers. So often today, we hear how divided we all are, how people are selfish or mean-spirited. But that wasn’t what I saw that day. These people rallied around me, cared for me, and in no way made me feel ashamed for inconveniencing them or for making the very poor decision to not reschedule my appointment. That encounter strengthened my belief in basic human goodness.

I also realized how much I like to think of myself as independent and self-sufficient, able to handle most things on my own. That experience humbled me and reminded me that there are times in life when I really need to rely on people. That I can’t make it on my own. That on this crazy journey we call life, I need help from others just like they need help from me.

So as you go through your day, remember that sometimes you’re going to need help. It might be the physical variety, like getting sick in a hair salon. It might be emotional support, like needing a hug or someone to talk to. It could be mental assistance, like getting advice on a difficult decision. Or it could be spiritual aid, like trying to find a deeper sense of meaning or identity. Whatever type of help you need, reach out for it. Embrace it. Be grateful for it. Allow others to experience the gift of being needed. Return the favor. And be encouraged by the basic goodness of others. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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