I was sitting on a bench at Denison College in Ohio when it happened. I had just finished my run and was waiting to walk my daughter to her play rehearsal when a loud, cheery voice called out, “Good morning! How are you?” Startled, I looked up and saw a groundskeeper in an orange vest, trash stick in hand. He was staring right at me with a big smile on his face. From the articulation of his words and some of his facial features, I realized that he was a person with an intellectual disability. I stumbled out what I hope was an appropriate response and he moved on.
As I sat on the bench and reflected on that encounter, I started asking myself some hard questions: Why aren’t I more like that? More unabashedly friendly? Why am I not that happy? If he’s the one with a disability, why is his outlook on life so positive?
Then I wondered what that groundskeeper would think if he could see inside my head. Maybe he would look at me with pity because he’d recognize how stressed I was, how I worried about the future and what other people thought of me. Maybe he would see that my perspective was bent or pick up on how slow I am to see the beauty in the small things around me. Maybe he would feel sorry for me and keep trying to brighten my day.
In that moment, I was reminded of how big an impact the attitude I choose has on my happiness. The way I decide to look at life, regardless of my circumstances, will largely determine my enjoyment of it. I’ve seen it clearly in others – some people with health, wealth, friends, and family who are stressed and bitter while others dealing with illness, poverty, and loss shine with joy and hope.
I’m not advocating denying our pain and struggles. Some of us face incredible hardships or are in a season of spirit-crushing trials. Neither “put on a happy face” or “don’t worry, be happy” is a magic elixir for contentment. But, no matter what our circumstances, we do have the ability to chose our attitude. The power to see our difficulties as insurmountable joy-killers or real opportunities for personal growth is ours to wield.
We all have challenges in life that threaten our experience of joy, things that will either make us bitter or make us better. The attitude we choose to take toward these challenges will greatly determine if we feel stressed and defeated or peaceful and hopeful. Choose well today. Be grateful. Notice beauty. Show kindness. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
STEP 1: PICK YOUR PASSION – Make sure the change you’re considering is truly something you’re passionate about. It’s easy to fall into the “I should make this change” trap. “I should read more / exercise / loose weight / go to church,” etc. All of those things are great but if your motivation for doing them is really outside pressure then your likelihood of following through is low. Choose a goal about which you can honestly say “I want to make this change.” The odds of you sticking with it when the going gets tough is much higher.
STEP 2: FIND YOUR FOCUS – As admirable as it may be to say “I’m going to loose weight, volunteer at a charity, clean and organize my house, get out of debt, take up painting and end world hunger this year!”, it’s probably not going to happen. The best way to lasting, positive change is to pick just one or two areas that you really want to focus on. If you knock them out early and have the motivation for additional goals later in the year, awesome! You can always add them then.
STEP 3: SET YOUR STRATEGY – Achieving a meaningful goal, even one that you’re passionate about and focused on, can still be a daunting challenge. One great way to make it less overwhelming is to break it into small steps. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Now that you’ve identified your elephant with steps 1 and 2, take a few minutes to make your bite plan. Start with the simple parts (the tail) and let the celebration of those small victories feed your motivation to tackle slightly bigger bites (the legs). By the time you reach the big sections (the body), you’ll be rolling with confidence!
STEP 1: PICKING MY PASSION – An issue I’ve been passionate about for many years is homelessness. There’s a lot of worthy causes out there but for some reason this one has consistently hit my heart. I want to do something this year to help people who are homeless. I’ve chosen a clear passion.
STEP 2: FINDING MY FOCUS – This one is tough for me because I like to work on improving a lot of different aspects of my life simultaneously. But, along with some “next step” goals from things I focused on last year (getting an agent for my recently finished first novel and continuing to conquer my inner pack rat by decluttering), I’m choosing to concentrate on finding a way to help those struggling with homelessness in my new part-time city of Sacramento (my wife Lisa and I are doing a one year experiment this year of living part-time at our house in Mesa, AZ and part-time in an apartment in Sacramento, CA near our son).
STEP 3: SETTING MY STRATEGY – Homelessness is a big problem in Sacramento. I see people without a place to live virtually everyday. I often feel so unequipped to make any significant difference in such an elephant of a cause. Here’s how I’m attempting to break my goal down into manageable bites:
So how about it? How would you apply these steps to your goals this year? I’d love for you to share your plans in the comment section below. Give these 3 simple steps a try. If you do, you’ll take another big step toward Becoming Yourself.
I was recently reminded of one of those dreams. I tend to be more reflective this time of year and that led me to look at some old journal notes. I stumbled across a dream that I had written down on Dec 31, 2015 because it felt like one of the “more meaningful” variety. It seems somehow appropriate for Old Year’s reflection and New Year’s goal setting so I thought I’d share it here. I hope that it helps you decide on what you want to achieve or, more importantly, who you want to be in the year ahead. Remember, this is a recording of a dream so take that into account as you assess the weirdness factor :)
1. PLAY – it’s the field where new ideas are birthed and all things are
2. DREAM – allow God and/or your own imagination to bring visions to your mind and heart. Dream big dreams. What are you passionate about? What would you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail? What would you try if you had unlimited resources? Take a few minutes to regularly let your mind run free this year. It will probably point you in some new, life-giving directions.
3. PRAY – ask God for wisdom and direction on what you should do. If the God thing isn’t for you, seek advice from others you respect on significant decisions you need to make or ideas you have. This is a smart thing to do in addition to prayer anyway. It can help you focus your efforts and avoid pitfalls in the year ahead.
4. PLAN – prepare, organize, and do the work of going after your dreams. When I lived in Michigan, we had an auto insurance acronym called P.L.P.D. I don’t remember what it stood for but I’ve revamped it for my own life to stand for Pray, List, Prioritize, Do. It’s been a helpful framework to give some direction to my goals for years.