I was writhing in agony. The burning pain across my abdomen was consuming. After several hours with no relief, I had my wife Lisa take me to the emergency room.
Even before my pain was under control, the tests began. Blood work. EKG. MRI. CAT scan. Nuclear dye. Ultrasound. I was posing a problem for the doctors because my symptoms and my test results weren’t lining up. They couldn’t figure out the underlying cause. After fifteen hours, it was still a mystery, and the staff began preparations to send me home.
Then a surgeon put everything on hold. He had reviewed some of my results and wanted to talk. He explained that if the issue was my gallbladder, they would expect my pain to be localized in my upper right abdomen and my blood counts to be elevated. But my pain was generalized and my blood work was perfect. That said, there were still some indications that made him believe that my gallbladder was involved somehow, and I was likely to have a similar attack in the future.
He gave me a choice – go home and see what happens or go into surgery that night and have my gallbladder removed. They would really only know the true status of my gallbladder by going in. It was up to me.
In the end, it really wasn’t a difficult decision. I was not a fan of the “ticking time bomb” approach and would do just about anything to not have a repeat of the pain I’d just experienced. In addition, I’d been dealing with a series of recurring illnesses and fatigue over the last six months that had my doctor stumped. Maybe taking this step would shine some light on those issues as well. I elected to have the surgery.
It turned out to be a good decision. During surgery, they found I had a gallstone about two-thirds the size of a golfball and that my gallbladder was turning black and dying. It was pretty clear they’d found the source of my problems.
How often is life like that? We have a series of low grade “symptoms” – feelings of anxiety, fatigue, uncertainty, depression, restlessness, lack of fulfillment, etc. – but don’t really know the underlying cause. And too often we ignore the warning signs. Rather than dig for the reasons behind the symptoms, we choose to try to mask them with busyness, alcohol, television, hobbies, work, pleasure, anything that we think will distract us from facing the unsettling reality that we’re sick. That something is wrong. That we’re not living as we were meant to live or being who we were meant to be.
We tend to stop running when we hit a wall. After six months of sending signals that something was wrong, my body finally said, “Enough.” It gave me so much pain that I had no other option than to do a concentrated, thorough search for the source of my problems. Maybe that’s part of the reason my decision to have the surgery was relatively easy. I was tired of running.
This experience has reminded me of the importance of doing the hard work of self development. Of peeling back the layers of my life. Of digging up the roots of my identity. Of thinking through the conflicting motivations that influence my choices and actions. Of weighing who I really am and who I want to become. That kind of concentrated, thorough searching really is the only way to find out certain things about myself. Things I need to know to have a fully realized, fully satisfying life. The life I really want.
And personal development is not just for my benefit. When I work to become a better version of myself, it has a positive ripple effect on those around me and the broader community. As I look at the world today, it seems pretty evident that we are in desperate need of mature people focused on personal growth. When I do the kinds of internal work I talk about here at Becoming Yourself, I become the change I want to see in the world. As Michael Jackson so eloquently encouraged us, I’m starting with the man in the mirror.
So what about you? What “symptoms” are showing up in your life? Are you anxious, fatigued, depressed, fearful, uncertain? What might these signs be trying to tell you? Are you subconsciously attempting to mask them or are you genuinely digging for the root cause through reading, wise counsel, reflection, prayer, meditation? I encourage you to do the work. Search for real answers. Find your underlying issues and deal with them head on. It’s scary at times but also liberating and SO worth it! Your life, and the lives of those around you, will be far better for it. Commit to the long, steady walk of personal development. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then I think 
That said, sometimes I think it’s helpful to set the words aside and focus on a picture of what we’re aiming for. A clear example of someone who has achieved what we’re all trying to accomplish. A person who continues to pursue a better version of themselves – even at age 90.
Allow me to introduce you to 
Give yourself the gift of seeing what you can achieve through a patient, steady focus on developing yourself over a lifetime. Be challenged. Be motivated. Be encouraged. Decide, like I have, that you’re going to be like Margery. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.
For him and any others with that same question, here are some practical ideas on how to engage in community:
Sitting in your living room waiting for community to happen isn’t going to work. Even though I’m an introvert, I stop and introduce myself to neighbors while out running. Take cookies to new people who move into my area. Volunteer regularly with a charitable organization. Play in a band at a church. Initiate monthly gatherings with some author friends. Schedule poker nights. Through all these efforts, I’ve been able to find really wonderful community. Life is busy. People are busy. If you don’t step up and initiate connections, it probably wont happen. Make time for the things that are important.
3.
4.
b. I’ve had an accountability partner for over 15 years. A friend I meet with regularly to talk about life. Someone I open up to. Share my struggles with. Tell them the kind of person I want to be and ask for their help. Give them permission to ask me hard questions and speak into my life. It’s an incredible, tank-filling relationship. I was invited into this by my first accountability partner, and I learned about the power of this kind of relationship. When my job took me to a new state, I asked one of my new work friends to take on that role. When he moved away a few years later, I asked a different friend if he would step up. Over ten years, that partnership has become second only to my relationships with God and my wife and kids. Our lunches are one of the highlights of my week. I have that relationship because I asked for it. I admitted that I need help to become the kind of person I want to be and discovered that he desired the same thing.
5.