Developing a Better You

Tag: perspective (Page 1 of 3)

Trudging Through a Winter Season

I’m so tired. 

My wife Lisa and I are at the tail end of a lengthy book tour. While I’m incredibly grateful for the exciting and rewarding opportunity, it’s been demanding and exhausting. We both got sick with lingering ear and sinus infections as we plowed through a seemingly endless stream of school visits, bookstore events, and flights around the country. In the midst of it all, my elderly mom had a serious health crisis which led to a week in ICU, and she’s facing a long and difficult recovery. 

It’s one of those seasons. No amount of money, planning, or preparation can avoid them. Rain falls on us all from time to time. The only control we have is how we choose to respond to the storm. 

I’m a glass-half-full person. I try to have a positive outlook, to see the cloud’s silver lining. That perspective provides energy and hope to move forward, and helps me avoid wallowing in destructive negativity. 

But it can also lead me to slap a smiley-face bandage on a gunshot wound. I sometimes refuse to acknowledge real pain, subconsciously burying it deep to avoid facing the unanswerable questions suffering brings—why did this happen? What good can come of it? What’s the point of it all?

I’m trying to find my balance in this storm. To allow myself to recognize the biting flies and feel my aching feet as I trudge through this dark valley, while still lifting my eyes to the distant, beautiful mountain I’m heading toward. It’s not an easy task. But with time, rest, prayer, and the support of my inner circle, I’m finding my way.

If you’re in a winter season, acknowledge the frost and stinging cold. The treacherous footing. The difficult climb up the snow covered slope. But remember that however long the night, the sun will rise. Spring is coming. You’ll feel the warm breeze caress your face and breathe the delicate scent of flowers again. You are not alone on the road, and every struggling footfall brings you one step closer to Becoming Yourself.

What a 3-Year-Old Taught Me About Riding Life’s Waves

“This is too scary!”

The cry came from a three-year-old in the second row. Other than his parents, the rows of chairs in the bookstore were painfully empty.

I’d been invited by the store to do a talk and reading from my spooky monster mystery series Monsterious, geared for 8 to 12 year olds. Knowing the event was on a Sunday morning and I didn’t have the opportunity to do school visits to promote it, I expected the turnout to be small. How right I was.

The well-intentioned parents obviously didn’t realize that the age level and spooky factor of my books were not appropriate for their three-year-old. I was halfway through the first of three planned readings from my books when the child let his unhappy opinion be known. I immediately stopped and asked the bookseller to find me a Halloween picture book, which I then read to the child. When I finished, the dad bought one of my books out of pity.

On this fall tour, I’ve had 2 1/2 hour signing lines that snaked through large stores, selling hundreds of books in a night. And I’ve had a crowd of three where I read some other author’s book to a toddler. Such are the ups and downs of being an author. 

But that’s not just author life. That’s life. We all experience that roller coaster in our careers, health, relationships, finances, you name it. The question is not “Will we face storms?” but “How will we ride the waves?”

When things are good, it’s easy to become arrogant, to credit my success to my own genius, and to think it will always be this way. When things go south, it’s easy to become depressed, to believe I’m a failure, and to feel the bad times will go on forever. Neither perspective is true. My successes are a combination of hard work and talent, but also luck and the help of others. My failures are usually a mixed bag too, partly due to my own poor choices and mistakes, and partly from things completely out of my control. 

There’s a wise expression that says, “Don’t believe your own press.” Hold both the good and the bad lightly, enjoying your successes, learning from your failures, and letting them both roll off your back. Don’t take the opinions of others or your own internal self-judgements too seriously.

As you ride life’s waves, anchor your identity and self-worth on something that doesn’t rise and fall, that is as steady as a fixed point on the horizon. For me, that’s my identity as God’s child, believing that God’s love for and view of me is independent of my ever-changing feelings or the outward results of my efforts. For you, that might be another relationship or something else. Whatever it is, find something worthy of the wonderful person you are. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Feeling Crushed by the Weight of the World? Choose to Be Amazed

Living in these turbulent times is difficult. A global pandemic. Economic downturn. Political division. Racial injustice. Social unrest. The collective pressure of these external stressors can feel like concrete blocks on our shoulders that we can’t seem to drop.

One simple technique that has helped me slip out from under the weight of the world is shifting my attention from the macro to the micro. Intentionally tuning in to the small and everyday instead of the huge and glaring. I’m not talking about turning a blind eye to the problems we collectively face or ignoring the responsibility to do my part to help solve them. I’m talking about balancing that view with a renewed focus on the wonder of commonplace things.

The sweet warmth of my morning tea. The beautiful deep green color of our corner houseplant. The comfortable feeling of sliding into my well-worn slippers. The way the painting on our living room wall glows in the afternoon sun. The playfulness in my wife’s smile. The mind-boggling complexity of my hand. The taste of cherry pie. Opening my mind to the simple wonders around me provides a welcome counterbalance to the heaviness of the world. It brings wholeness to my perspective.

The celebrated philosopher and theologian Abraham Joshua Heschel said it better than I ever could:

“Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement… get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.”

abraham joshua heschel

I make this practice part of my daily routine. In the mornings, I slip out to our balcony and spend some time in meditation, prayer, and reading. Often I’ll start by intentionally noticing a few simple things around me and letting myself be gratefully amazed by them. Before bed, I’m back on the balcony, remembering the commonplace wonders I encountered throughout the day. This simple habit is usually enough to help me begin each day with a positive attitude and end it with a healthy realignment of my perspective.

What are the everyday wonders around you? When you pause for a moment to look, what catches your eye? What awakens amazement in you? As you learn to see life with simple awe, you’ll feel the weight of the world begin to slip from your shoulders, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published in July of 2020.

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