I’m tired.
For most of the last six weeks, I’ve traveled the U.S. on book tour, talking with people about writing and my Monsterious series. I’ve done a steady stream of stock signings, interviews, school presentations, and bookstore events. It’s been exciting, frustrating, fun, exhausting, and deeply fulfilling.
At the end of it all, I feel empty. Drained. In need of quiet, rest, and reflection. When I realized I didn’t have the time or the energy to write a new post this week, I waded through some of the hundreds of posts I’ve written over the last six years. The one I’m reposting below (originally published March 3, 2018) spoke to me, maybe because the thought of lying down for a long time sounds very appealing right now. I hope it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
I love cemeteries. That might sound odd, even morbid. I’m not insensitive to the memories of pain and loss that they hold for so many. I deeply respect that. But to me, they are special places that nurture my personal development in ways few others do.
Cemeteries invite quiet reflection. They encourage me to slow down, to ponder, to contemplate. What do I want my life to be about? How do I want to be remembered? They have an atmosphere of reverence and respect, rare qualities in a time often marked by derision and divisiveness. A stroll through a cemetery reminds me of what I believe is important: Relationships. Character. Purpose. Joie de vivre.
I love how my perspective is sharpened by reading tombstones. I’m reminded that all of these people were once like me. That one day a grave marker will bear my name. Soon after, I’ll probably be remembered only by loved ones and then, over time, by no one at all. Reading those names reminds me that life is a breath, and I am small. I’m not as important to the world as I sometimes think I am. That’s a healthy dose of humility.
Yet being in a cemetery also makes me feel cherished, prized, special. Not to a fame infatuated world but to One whom I believe made me, knows me, and desires me. I think of a cemetery as a transition point, a way station, a gate that leads from one season to the next. It’s a passageway connecting one plane of existence to another. The end of one journey and the start of a far greater adventure.
I could be wrong. Maybe death is the end. Perhaps nothing waits for me and everything that I am will be snuffed out like the flame of a candle. But I don’t think so. I have subjective reasons, things I’ve felt and heard and seen that point to something greater, something beyond this life. And there are more objective arguments that appeal to my rational mind as well. So for reasons of both the head and the heart, I believe and find hope.
So if you need some perspective on life, if the thought of some quiet reflection sounds like water for your thirsty soul, if you’re looking for a little hope, I encourage you to slip away for an hour. Stroll thoughtfully through a cemetery. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Kate Spade. Anthony Bourdain. For those even marginally acquainted with fashion or food culture, these are familiar names. They had a lot in common. Kate was a celebrity fashion designer. Anthony was a celebrity chef, author and TV personality. Both were incredibly successful in their careers. Both were widely admired. Both were rich. Both were famous. Both recently took their own lives.
So many of us dream of having wealth, fame, admiration, influence, and success in our careers. We often think that achieving these goals would be the epitome of a life worth living. Kate and Anthony had all of those things. Apparently it wasn’t enough.
I don’t pretend to understand the private circumstances or mental illnesses that drove them to such a decision. I cast no judgment. We never really know what it’s like to live another’s life, so we should always err on the side of compassion. But I think there’s one safe conclusion that we can draw from these sad events. Actor and comedian Jim Carrey said it well: “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”
1. LOVING RELATIONSHIPS – You’ve probably heard the cliche: no-one on their deathbed regrets not working more but many regret broken relationships or not spending more time with loved ones. I think this is a cliche for a reason – it’s true. For me, loving relationships with God, others, and myself are the heart of what makes life worth living (for more on relationships, 
3. HOPE – Without hope that I can change, that life can get better, that a preferred future is attainable, I lose motivation. My incentive to grow fades. The passion to pursue my dreams cools. The encouragement I need to keep trying is missing. I’ve heard it said that everyone needs someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I think that pretty much sums up these first three keys for me (for more on hope and where I find it, 
4. TRUE IDENTITY – Who am I? It’s one of the most fundamental questions we can ask ourselves. We can base our identity on any number of things – a job, an ability, another person, a bank account. What we use to define who we are has an enormous impact on our sense of worth. For me, there’s only one thing secure enough, one place to find my real self, one truth that grounds my identity and helps makes life worth living (for my answer and more on identity, 
5. SECURITY – Am I going to be okay? That’s another big question that we asked as children and, if we’re honest, have never really stopped asking. There’s a story that helps me answer this one. Whatever your thoughts about Jesus, I’m guessing most of us would agree that he had pretty good insights on life. The Bible records him telling a parable about two builders (see 
So how about you? What makes your life worth living? What would make your top five list? Answer with raw honesty. Structure your life around those answers. Choose your foundation well. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.