Developing a Better You

Tag: real self (Page 1 of 9)

Embrace Your Elephant: Find Peace with a Pachyderm

Sometimes a piece of art just hits me. While looking for pictures to decorate our apartment, I came across one that made me smile. It was whimsical and playful, yet also thought provoking. Here it is:

Elephant and Dog Meditate at Summer Night by Mike Kiev
(purchase here)

There’s just something about this painting of a dog and an elephant sitting together, gazing over moonlit waters on a summer night, that I absolutely love. I’m a fan of quirky things, nature, and the color blue, so on those levels, this art piece has a lot of appeal to me.

But I also love contemplation. Just sitting and thinking. I have an evening ritual where I sit on our balcony, look at the night sky above a nearby park, and reflect. I meditate on simple things, like what I did that day, and bigger things, like who I am, why I’m here, and what life is all about.

One of the reasons those times are meaningful is that I feel like the dog in the painting. That I’m not alone in my nighttime routine. I sense an invisible Elephant sitting beside me, staring out into the starlit sky. I feel it’s presence surrounding me, comforting me, whispering to me, guiding me. Something bigger, stronger, and wiser, keeping me company and joining me in quiet reflection.

I call my elephant God. You may call it Mother Nature, a cosmic force, or your higher power. You may call it nothing at all and believe that the universe is a purely physical, naturalistic system. My goal is not to argue in favor of a specific definition of a spiritual component to the universe, but I would like to propose this:

HAVING AN ELEPHANT MAKES LIFE BETTER

Why do I say that? Because I’ve discovered over the course of my life that having Someone bigger, higher, stronger, and wiser than me helps. A lot. It gives me peace. Security. Comfort. Guidance. Companionship. Belonging. Meaning. Love. Joy. Of course, an Elephant is not the only place to find these things, but it is the deepest, truest, and most lasting source of them that I’ve ever found.

I’ve learned that when life is all up to me, I’m not enough. Not to become who I want to be anyway. I need help for that. I’m in no way saying that I think I’m bad or unworthy. Far from it. I believe in and love myself deeply. I have huge respect for the power of the human spirit and what I can accomplish when I set my will to it.

That said, I find the thought that I’m my own highest power is more than a little depressing. I know me. If I’m IT, then I’m in trouble. As wonderful as I am, I know I have weaknesses, flaws, and limitations that will prevent me from being the person I really want to be. From living the life I truly want to live. I need help.

That’s where my Elephant comes in. A Helper. A Guide. A Friend. A Comforter. A Provider. A Protector. A whisper in my spirit that assures me I’m not alone, and that in all the craziness of life, someone much bigger than me has their hands on the wheel. That gives me a lot of comfort and hope.

You may feel that makes me weak. That I’m unwilling to face the cold, cruel reality that we are nothing but a cosmic accident, alone in a mindless, uncaring universe. Perhaps you’re right. Maybe there is nothing more. No-one, certainly not me, can prove the existence of God, a higher power, or whatever a person may call their Elephant. But no-one can disprove the Elephant either. I believe in God because of deeply personal experiences I’ve had and rational arguments I find compelling. Enumerating those is beyond the scope of this post, but if I’m using my belief in an Elephant to achieve a more meaningful, joyful life, then I’m in good company with people a lot smarter than I am. That’s a choice I’m happy to make.

So what about you? Do you have an Elephant? Someone or Something bigger than yourself that you believe in? A higher power that allows you to face life with a hope, peace, and security that can prove elusive when you choose to go it alone?

If you’re intrigued, gaze up at the night sky. Open your mind and heart to God, the Cosmos, Mother Nature, whatever you want to call it. Breathe a prayer. A request for awareness. For ears to hear, eyes to see, a heart to feel. Taste and see. You just may sense an Elephant at your side. If you do, you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published March 16, 2019.

How to Find Peace with Your Past: Release and Reclaim

Now that both my parents and I are fully vaccinated, I’m heading to see them for the first time in almost a year and a half. My upcoming trip reminded me of a piece I originally posted in January of 2020, before the pandemic really took hold. The lessons I learned then have new things to teach me as we begin to move toward this post-coronavirus season. I hope they help you on your way to Becoming Yourself.

I traveled back to my Michigan hometown over the holidays to visit family. Slept in my childhood bedroom at my parents house. Watched the sun set behind the woods where I used to play. Drove past my old elementary school and the house where I was born. Had lunch with my best friend from high school whom I hadn’t seen in twenty-five years.

My elementary school

I’ve gone through a lot of changes since I moved away for good twenty-nine years ago. I’ve graduated college, gotten married, raised two kids, lived in three different cities in two other states, retired from one career and started another.

Going back to where I grew up always brings a strange mix of emotions, a sense of both deep familiarity yet utter foreignness at the same time. Nearly thirty years of life experiences have changed me. I’m not the same person anymore. I had the melancholy realization that in some sense, I truly can’t go home again.

The driveway where my dad taught me to play basketball

I find that many things that used to serve me well there are no longer helpful. Certain relationships, rituals, and activities have run their course, completed their formative work. It’s time to let them go. To move on. There are people I no longer need to see, books I no longer need to read, places I no longer need to visit. In order to progress on my personal development journey, these are the parts of my past I need to release.

Other pieces of my past can still aid in my growth. Things I’ve forgotten or let drift away in the busyness of life. Like reconnecting with Gary, my high school best friend. After twenty-five years, I’m not sure what made me track down his contact info and invite him to lunch while I was in town, but I’m so glad I did. Reminiscing with him about all that we’d experienced together in those formative years and sharing the paths our adult lives had taken energized my soul. It reminded me of who I was then in a way that helped me understand who I am now and clarify who I want to become. This is a part of my past that I can reclaim.

The woods behind my parents house where I used to explore

So how about you? What parts of your past do you need to let go of? What relationships or habits or memories are dragging you down, serving only as unwanted anchors, unhealthy reminders of who you were? Release them. What parts of your past do you need to reconnect with, good aspects that you’ve forgotten, things that can deepen and strengthen and stabilize your present? Which relationships or habits or memories can serve as anchoring roots enabling you to grow higher and farther in the future? Reclaim them. If you do, you’ll find peace with your past and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Personal Growth Exercise You’ll LOVE Doing: Fill Your Life With Beauty

I was crying over the TV show Britain’s Got Talent. For those who know me that will come as no great surprise. I’m a sentimental sap. But from a pure talent perspective, the performance that turned on the water works was pretty poor. So why was I crying? Why was the audience going wild? Why did one of the normally stoic British judges break down and weep? Take a look for yourself…

Did that strike you the way it has so many others? I think the secret of this performance’s impact lies in this quote:

There are only two things that pierce the human heart. One is beauty. The other is affliction.

SImone Weil

We human beings are emotional creatures. We’re made to feel deeply. But the pressure and drudgery of daily living often flattens our “emotional experience” curves into a relatively narrow range. Bright colors fade to neutrals. Uncontrollable laughter becomes a bemused smile. Deep heartache becomes an ongoing sense of mild disappointment.

As Simone Weil observed, two things that can wrench the emotional limiters from our hearts are beauty and affliction. Affliction tends to come along with enough regularity on its own and, while it does tap into our deeper emotions, not many of us would choose to seek it out. So that leaves us with beauty.

Simply put, we need it. A lot of it. To experience the fullness of life that I believe we are meant for, we need heaps of beauty to compensate for the affliction that life brings our way. It needs to be planned for, worked at, chased after. The enjoyment of beauty must be prioritized, budgeted, and indulged in.

Author John Eldredge notes the uniqueness of beauty:

We need not fear indulging here. The experience of beauty is unique to all the other pleasures in this: there is no possessive quality to it. Just because you love the landscape doesn’t mean you have to acquire the real estate. Simply to behold the flower is enough; there is nothing in me that wants to consume it. Beauty is the closest thing we have to fullness without possessing on this side of eternity. It heralds the Great Restoration. Perhaps that is why it is so healing—beauty is pure gift. It helps us in our letting go.

John eldredge, “The journey of desire: searching for the life you’ve always dreamed of”

I think that’s why I was crying over a mediocre performance by a group of elementary children. Their sense of abandonment was inspiring. Their unbridled joy was contagious. Their teacher’s pride in and commitment to his students was moving. It all touched something deep inside of me that whispered, “This is how life is meant to be.” And in that, it was beautiful.

So how will you experience beauty today? Wander a park, stroll an art gallery, savor a gourmet meal, see a play, listen to music you love, read a great book, watch an artfully made film, have a deep conversation with a friend. Embrace beauty. Drink it in. Open your eyes, mind, and heart to beauty in her many forms. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published in May of 2019.

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