Developing a Better You

Tag: real self (Page 5 of 9)

The Importance of Making – and Breaking – Routine

I’m a routine person. I thrive in a steady, consistent pattern. As a work-from-home writer, my daily schedule consists of morning centering (mediation / prayer / reading), working out, email, first writing session, afternoon break (eating, watching TV, taking a walk, household tasks), second writing session, reading, sleep. I even wear the same “uniform” of Gryffindor pajama pants and a Call of the Wild sweatshirt. I love it.

Hiking across from the Log Castle, Whidbey Island, WA

While having a routine saves me time and mental / emotional energy by eliminating a variety of daily decisions, I’ve found it healthy to regularly break my habits. Like taking a day off each week. Fridays are my Sabbath, where I free myself from normal responsibilities and take time to just rest and play (for more on the benefits of Sabbath, see my post here).

On an occasional basis, more dramatic breaks are needed. While I know how good they are for me, I often struggle to take them. It’s a hassle. The planning. The expense. The effort. The coordination. It’s so much easier just to stay home and stick with my routine. So four months ago when an author friend reached out to my wife Lisa and me with the idea of going on a writing retreat with some other authors, I had a choice to make – was I going to embrace the work involved and take advantage of this opportunity or stay in my comfortable routine? Before I could talk myself out of it, we committed.

The Log Castle, photo credit vrbo.com

Fast forward to now. As I write this, I’m sitting in a recliner in a Log Castle (yes, that’s actually what it’s called on vrbo.com, and yes, that’s an accurate description) on Whidbey Island off the coast of Seattle gazing out at the water watching seals swim by. It’s every bit as wonderful as you might imagine. We’re here with three other writers, old friends and new, all working on our various books, sharing meals together, talking about the joys and trials of author life, playing poker, and generally having a lovely, relaxing, and productive time. I can feel myself recharging in a way that just doesn’t happen in my normal routine. The planning, expense, and effort have been more than worth it.

The Log Castle tower bedroom, photo credit vrbo.com

What’s your relationship with routine? Is it a friend or a foe? Does it come naturally or is it a struggle? Look at your life and save yourself some hassle – automate the important and ritualize the regular. But once that time and energy saving routine is in place, schedule times to break it. You’ll be glad you did. And you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

The Most Impactful Choice You’ll Make This (or any other) Year: Randomness, Distraction, or Story?

I believe most people choose one of the three following ways of living:

1. EMBRACE RANDOMNESS – We are a cosmic accident, the by-product of time + matter + energy + chance. There is no overall meaning or purpose to life, rather we each find our own meaning however we can. We live out our lives as temporary residents of a chaotic universe, then we die and pass into the nothingness from which we came. The universe rolls on unaware and uncaring. The best way to live is to embrace this hard truth.

2. EMBRACE DISTRACTION – Don’t think about the big questions – where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? They are either uninteresting, unsettling, or unknowable. Stay busy – work, play, deal with problems, sleep. Stay distracted – TV, social media, eating, drinking, music, hobbies, relationships. Use them to fill the silence whenever we feel a nagging sense of hopeless or the emergence of the persistent underlying question “What is it all for? What does it all mean?” The best way to live is to get through each day as best you can.

3. EMBRACE STORY – There’s a Great Story being told, one we’ve fallen into and in which we all have a part to play. There’s an Author, a Director, a Weaver, and our life is one small colored thread in a massive, beautiful tapestry whose design we can’t yet fully see. We were born into the ultimate tale of Love, Adventure, and Romance. The Great Story is heading toward a dramatic conclusion, and we will share in a real happily ever after. The best way to live is to discover our part and enjoy playing it.

Which do you choose? Each one has pros and cons. None can be conclusively proven. All have many highly intelligent adherents. There are compelling arguments that can be made for all three. Listing those here is not my goal. I’d encourage you to consider your personal experiences along with the intellectual arguments for each option and decide for yourself.

I’ve weighed these competing world-views in my own life and have chosen to Embrace Story. Why? Firstly, because I’ve had numerous personal, subjective experiences that lead me to believe that it’s true. Secondly, I find the intellectual arguments for Story to be the most compelling (specifically the way the Story world-view explains the Existence of the Universe, the Fine-Tuning of the Universe, the Existence of Objective Morality, etc.) Finally, since none of the three can be conclusively proven, why not choose the most beautiful option? Why not select hope? Even if I’m wrong and Randomness is the true nature of the universe, in the end, what will I have lost by choosing to embrace Story?

Over the course of my fifty years, I, like everyone else, have had ups and downs, joys and struggles, incredible victories and staggering defeats. I’ve enjoyed moments of life-giving clarity and endured times of spirit-wrenching doubt. Through it all, I’ve discovered that embracing Story, getting to know the Author, and discovering my part to play has given me a sense of peace, joy, love, hope, direction, purpose, meaning, and fulfillment like nothing else I’ve ever found.

My sincere hope is that whatever world-view you select, one of these three or some variation, leads you to these same gifts. Choose well, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

Some resources that have helped shape my thinking on the Embrace Story world-view:

The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge

Epic by John Eldredge

Another Name for Every Thing podcast by Richard Rohr (available wherever you listen to podcasts)

What an Encounter with Goats Taught Me About Personal Development

It wasn’t what I expected to see in a major city like Sacramento. A few weeks ago, I was riding a Jump bike to meet my son for lunch. I crossed the Tower Bridge, then pedaled down the bike path along the Sacramento River, enjoying the view of downtown directly across the water.

Goats along the Sacramento River

And then I saw the goats. Lots of goats. About two hundred goats. I stopped my bike and just stared at them in confusion. Why was there a large herd of goats literally on the edge of bustling modern city? As I watched, they wandering the sloping riverbank, contentedly munching on clumps of tall weeds. A few dogs ran about, keeping the goats in line. A man lounged nearby in a portable chair under a shade tree, his hat pulled low over his eyes. It looked like a scene from the agricultural heartlands in the 1950s, not downtown Sacramento in 2019. I was utterly confused.

Then an article I read awhile ago came back to me. It was about cities using goats for landscaping in hard to reach areas. Suddenly, it all made sense. The city had hired this man to have his goats eat the weeds growing along the steep, rocky riverbank. It was a simple, old school, environmentally friendly way to trim an area not easily reached by modern landscaping equipment.

As I rode away, I realized how often I overlook simple solutions as I try to deal with the “weeds” in my life. The weeds of fear, anxiety, relational problems, exhaustion, stress, identity issues, career uncertainties – they all crop up at one point or another and need to be dealt with. I so easily gravitate toward the latest book, program, or fad that claims to address my problems. But sometimes, all that’s needed is a return to the simple habits I’ve learned but gotten away from. Getting enough sleep. Eating well. Moderate exercise. Maintaining work / life balance. Spending time with friends. Practicing gratitude. Being productive. Having a regular time of meditation / prayer / spiritual reflection. Helping others. Resting. Enjoying a hobby.

I’m not saying that all of the problems we face in our lives can be fixed with these kinds of simple practices. There are some issues that require deeper, more complex techniques to address effectively. But I think we often make the solutions to the “weed problems” in our lives out to be more complicated than necessary. We overthink them when sometimes all that’s needed is a back-to-basics approach. A focus on the fundamentals.

So as you look at pulling the weeds in your life, take a step back. Make sure the simple things are in place first. Go through a mental checklist of basic physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual practices that most of us learned when we were kids. As author Robert Fulghum reminded us, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” You may find that using these old-school goats will take care of a lot of your weeds, and you’ll be on your way to Becoming Yourself.

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