Developing a Better You

Tag: real self (Page 6 of 9)

Want a Better Life? Take a Moment to “Clean the Glass”

The sliding glass door was filthy. Our apartment’s balcony has a great park view, but Sacramento’s rainy season had given the door a film of splotchy dust. I stared at it for weeks thinking, “I really should clean that.” Every time, I shrugged my mental shoulders and thought, “It’s good enough.”

About a week ago, I had a little time between commitments, and the slider door once again caught my eye. I decided I’d put it off long enough and finally took fifteen minutes to clean the glass. The difference was amazing. The view became so vibrant and clear that I couldn’t stop looking at it. And of course, the thought that went through my head was, “That was so worth it. Why did I put this off for so long?”

The view from our apartment balcony

How often have I done the same thing with my personal growth? I know there are things that need a little work – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual windows that have gotten dirty through the rainy seasons of life. Areas that need attention. But when I look at them all, I get overwhelmed. I feel paralyzed, so I put off doing anything. I rationalize and say, “Good enough.” My friendships are “good enough.” My physical health is “good enough.” My level of fear and anxiety is “good enough.” My relationship with God is “good enough.” But a “good enough” perspective won’t get me the life I really want.

I’m not talking about perfectionism or chasing an unrealistic ideal. I’ve fallen into that trap before, and it just leads to feeling like a failure most of the time. And I don’t mean a measurement of personal worth either, as in whether or not I am “good enough.” I believe my worth and personal identity comes from who I am, or more specifically, whose I am – God’s child. Regardless of what you base those things on, that’s a different category than what I’m talking about here.

As I did with cleaning the slider door, I’ve procrastinated taking personal growth steps so many times. Like finding a new place to volunteer helping people who are struggling with homelessness. I had an organization in Phoenix I regularly worked with, but I’ve put off starting up again since I moved to Sacramento. I’d gotten out of the habit. I told myself I was too busy. Too tired. In reality, I was scared to try someplace new. Eventually, I told myself to volunteer just once with a local group I’d read about. I finally did, and I loved it.

I needed to break down my bigger goal of helping to address the homeless crisis in Sacramento into smaller steps and then tell myself I only needed to take the first one. Now the feeling of accomplishment motivates me to keep going. As usual, the hardest part was just getting started. Like when I took in the view through clean glass, I wondered why I had put off volunteering for so long.

So what sliding glass door do you need to clean in your life today? It it a mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual one? What small step can you take in just one area? Maybe it’s going for a walk to kickstart your physical goals. Or meditating for 3 minutes with the Calm phone app to work on your anxiety. It might be checking out the website of that church you’ve been meaning to try. Sending that text to a struggling friend you’ve been thinking about. Tidying up that one room. Start small. Do that one thing, then enjoy the beautiful view through the glass. If you do, you’ll take another important step toward Becoming Yourself.

RISK = The Price of the Life You Really Want

We’re a family of artists. My wife Lisa is an author, our son Kilian is an illustrator/graphic designer, our daughter Kennedy is an actor, and I’m a musician. These are typically not stable career paths. One thing I’ve learned in watching each of us follow our dreams is that you have to take risks in order to have the life you really want.

Today, Lisa is a New York Times bestselling author of twenty-two books and counting, but there was a time when she quit her job to try to make it as a writer and made no money for two years. When she did sell her first book for a relatively small amount, we rolled the dice again and invested that money back into promoting her career versus improving our standard of living.

Kilian has made a name for himself as a highly talented designer for the craft beer industry. I recently attended his highly popular class called Design With Beer In Mind, a part of Design Week Sacramento, that he envisioned, organized, and taught in. Kilian is loving the freedom and creativity his position affords him, but it came with a big risk. A year ago, he quit his secure job to go freelance and lived off his savings while he hustled to get his desired career off the ground.

Kennedy recently landed her dream job starring as Nancy Drew on a television series coming to the CW network this fall. But for a very uncertain shot at playing that highly coveted role, she took the risk of turning down a supporting part on another show that was guaranteed to air, even knowing that Nancy Drew might never get picked up for a series.

Having the life you really want requires risk. Your dreams won’t be handed to you. Planning, preparation, and hard work are all important, but at some point, you’ll be standing on the edge of a cliff. The life you desire will be just on the other side of a big gap. To reach it, you have to make the leap. You might make it. You might fall short. The only way to know is to jump.

That’s a risk I’ve recently taken. I left a comfortable, secure job as a musician to try to make it as a writer. My first manuscript secured me a top agent which I’m thrilled about, but so far, I have a growing list of rejections from publishers. Will I ever make it as an author? Will the risk pay off? I’m not sure yet. But either way, I’m glad I took the leap. Whatever happens, I’ll never have to live with, “What if?”

So how about you? What does your dream life look like? What risks would you have to take to make it a reality? Are you willing to take them? Visualize the life you want. Plan and prepare for it. Do the work. And when the time comes, take a deep breath, screw up your courage, and jump. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Tackling My Identity Crisis with “The Litany of Humility”

It was a big change. After years of financial struggles, the church where I was working as music pastor merged with a giant church nearby. My heavy responsibilities of leading a small team to plan, produce, and perform at the weekend services morphed to light responsibilities of mainly singing and playing at the services as a member of a huge team. The performing side was what I enjoyed the most, so I was excited about my new role. The leadership of the church that enfolded us could not have been more gracious and welcoming, and I felt appreciated and valued. I was reveling in my significantly reduced stress level.

Over time however, I began to notice something happening inside of me. I felt a sense of discontentment and hurt, loss and confusion. I couldn’t figure out where these feelings were coming from. I wrestled with God, read widely, and talked with both my wife and my accountability partner, all in an attempt to understand what I going through.

As the months went by, I started to get greater clarity on the source of my feelings. In short, I was having an identity crisis. I realized that for the previous twenty years as a music pastor in multiple churches, I’d always been the right hand person for the lead pastor. I was consulted on every big decision the church was facing and led the organization’s most highly visible program. In my new role, I was just one of a long list of worship leaders, many layers away from the church leadership, and a full decade older than anyone else in our young music department staff. My influence, my role, and my importance rightly and necessarily diminished, not only in the overall church, but within the music team itself. While I welcomed the decrease in stress and responsibility, I was having a hard time letting go of my former status.

It was a humbling realization. I had always prided myself on not basing my identity or self-worth on my job, on what I did or accomplished. This role change, and the feelings that came from it, forced me to take a hard, honest look at myself. I had to face the reality that my job was a bigger part of my self-perception than I’d wanted to admit. I needed to work through the difficult process of reshaping my identity.

One Sunday morning during this season, I gathered with the other musicians and tech crew as usual before the services started. We had a tradition that one of us would take a few minutes to share something we were learning to help us get our minds and hearts in the right place before leading others. The person speaking that day talked about a prayer he’d found called The Litany of Humility written by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930), who served as Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X. It goes like this:

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved

From the desire of being extolled

From the desire of being honored

From the desire of being praised

From the desire of being preferred to others

From the desire of being consulted

From the desire of being approved, deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised

From the fear of suffering rebukes

From the fear of being calumniated

From the fear of being forgotten

From the fear of being ridiculed

From the fear of being wronged

From the fear of being suspected, deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I

That, in the opinion of the world,

Others may increase and I may decrease

That others may be chosen and I set aside

That others may be praised and I unnoticed

That others may be preferred to me in everything

That others may become holier than I,

Provided that I become as holy as I should,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

There are moments when you discover something that you know is exactly what you needed. Hearing this prayer was one of those times for me. I’d been given a tool to help me reshape my perspective, my attitude, and my identity. I fervently prayed The Litany of Humility nearly every day for months. It became like a surgeon’s blade, cutting away the cancerous, infected parts of my identity.

It was a painful, yet wonderful process. As the old layers of False Self dropped away, I found a new clarity on who I was, a deeper sense of my True Self. I learned to rebuild on the most solid foundation I know by defining my ultimate identity as this: I am God’s child. That provides me with a sense of self that won’t be shaken no matter how my job titles, relationships, health, wealth, abilities, opportunities, circumstances, or the opinions of others may change over the course of my life. Working my way to that realization has given me a deep sense of freedom, peace, and joy.

That experience was one of the catalysts that led me to start this blog. So many writers have helped me on my personal development journey, serving as guides in my search for my true identity. I want you to find that help for your own journey. If anything I share here can somehow shine a little light on your path, give you some encouragement or a tool to find your True Self, then my efforts will be worthwhile.

So how about you? How do you answer what many call life’s biggest question – who am I? On what do you base your ultimate identity? What false identities do you need to let go of? Do the work. Peel back the layers of your heart. Use The Litany of Humility or something else that’s a better fit for you. Share your struggle with those you trust. Dig deep. If you do, you’ll take another huge step toward Becoming Yourself.

For more on finding your identity, see my earlier post here.

« Older posts Newer posts »

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑