Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: real self (Page 7 of 9)

What I Learned About Dreams on the Set of “Nancy Drew”

April 6, 2019 / / 0 Comments

I recently saw my daughter Kennedy get recognized on the street. She’d just wrapped her first week of filming in Vancouver for a new Nancy Drew TV pilot for the CW network. After four thousand young women from multiple countries auditioned, Kennedy landed the coveted roll of Nancy Drew. Even though the first episode hasn’t finished filming yet, the press buzz about the project was enough to have a stranger know Kennedy’s name and ask for a photo with her.

It was one of a number of surreal moments my wife and I had while visiting Kennedy on set. We chatted with actor Freddie Prinze Jr., who is playing Nancy Drew’s father. At dinner with some of the cast and crew, we learned the director Larry Teng got his start working with James Cameron on the movie Titanic. The actor playing Nancy’s best friend, Leah Lewis, is set to star in a new Netflix movie. Tunji Kasim, cast as Nancy’s boyfriend, just wrapped a film with Helen Mirren and Gandalf himself, Sir Ian McKellen.

One of my favorite moments was watching the filming of a city street scene. While police stopped traffic and a few of the two-hundred person crew held back onlookers, the director yelled action, sending one-hundred and thirty extras into motion. Then came my daughter, her hair newly dyed an iconic Nancy Drew red, running through the street, her every move tracked by a crane-mounted camera. The director called cut, and as people clapped, Kennedy flashed me a smile of pure joy. I melted.

We all have dreams. Things we long for, hope for, and imagine as the ideal version of our lives. While it’s great to chase those personal goals, watching my daughter soar helped me realize something important:

SOMETIMES HELPING SOMEONE ELSE ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMS IS MORE FULFILLING THAN ACHIEVING YOUR OWN

There are things I dream about, like having one of my novels published, attaining long-term success as a writer, and traveling to my bucket-list places. But as Kennedy and I chatted in her trailer on set, I realized that nothing I could accomplish, no personal goal I might meet, will ever give me the joy I get watching one of my kids fulfill their dreams.

Kennedy’s dream-come-true came with a price. It took an incredible amount of drive, determination, and courage on her part, not to mention thirteen years of blood, sweat, and tears training as an actor. But it cost Lisa and me as well. The hours spent chauffeuring her to auditions, rehearsals, lessons, and performances. The uncounted less-than-stellar youth theater productions we attended. The complicated, high-stress college audition process, flying around the country attempting to get into a top drama program. Then the huge financial price tag that came with acceptance to Carnegie Mellon University, one of the best acting schools in the U.S..

Suffice to say, the cost of helping Kennedy nurture her dream was high. But standing on set that day, seeing her smile light up the street, made every sacrifice more than worth it. I would do it all over again.

So how about you? How can you help the people in your life achieve their dreams? Supporting your own child is an obvious example, but for you, maybe it’s a friend, a co-worker, another family member, or even a stranger. What sacrifice of time, advice, money, encouragement, or energy could you give to help someone else flourish? If you’re willing to help others shine, you just might find it brings you closer to the life you’ve always wanted. And you’ll have taken another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Your North Star: How to Make Decisions

March 3, 2019 / / 0 Comments

I made a big decision a little while ago.
I don’t remember what it was, which prob’ly goes to show
That many times a simple choice can prove to be essential
Even though it often might appear inconsequential.


I must have been distracted when I left my house because
Left or right I’m sure I went. (I wonder which it was!)
Anyway, I never veered: I walked in that direction
Utterly absorbed, it seems, in quiet introspection.


For no reason I can think of, I’ve wandered far astray.
And that is how I got to where I find myself today.

Bill Watterson, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

I was reading Calvin and Hobbes recently and came across this poem. It got me thinking about all the small decisions I’ve made that have had a monumental impact on my life. Like when I nervously raised my hand in my college choir to audition for a solo part, which led to an invitation to be in a band, which led to an interview at a church, which led to a twenty-five year career as a music pastor.

Then there was the time I decided to say yes to a friend’s invitation to go to a bar, which is not normally my scene. I ended up riding there with a girl I’d never met. Almost thirty years later, that girl and I share two kids and a bank account.

What’s the point? Simply this:

SMALL DECISIONS MATTER

We tend to think of our lives as being largely defined by a few really big decisions, but I don’t think that’s actually the case. Those are important of course, but I believe the collective weight of the thousands of small choices we make have an even greater determination of how our lives turn out.

Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

That quote reminds me of the seriousness of our small choices. I do NOT think we should agonize over every little decision, but rather have a framework for decision-making that helps us make the myriad of small choices we face quickly and well. The key is to find a framework that works for you; one that will lead you to the person you want to be and the life you desire.

So where do you find such a framework? There’s no shortage of options. You can turn to philosophy, religion, a teacher, or one of the many self-help resources available. Personally, I’ve chosen Jesus. I don’t mean the doctrines or beliefs of any particular church or religion. Even the term “Christianity” is used  to represent such disparate views that I hesitate to use it anymore for fear of being lumped in with people I vehemently disagree with.

What I mean is that I try to use the life and teachings of Jesus as my decision-making filter. “WWJD (What would Jesus do?)” is a tired cliche, but a helpful one for me. I’ve found that when I live my life as best I can by his teachings, things work out better for me than when I don’t. I would suggest that even if you don’t believe in his divinity, Jesus offers a lot of insight into the human condition and can serve as a compelling model of a life well lived.

Regardless of the framework you choose, here are a two big-picture questions that can help with decision-making:

1. Which choice would lead me closer to who I want to be?

2. Which choice would lead me closer to the life I want?

I desire to become a more compassionate, giving person. When I was recently faced with the choice of volunteering with an organization that helps people struggling with homelessness or doing something for myself, I chose to volunteer. It wasn’t because I’m particularly selfless or disciplined. I procrastinated a lot and made plenty of excuses. I ultimately did it because I realized it was the choice that would lead me closer to who I want to be.

I want a life filled with deep relationships. When faced with a recent choice of enjoying a night home alone or going out in the rain with new friends to an event outside my comfort zone, I chose to go. What I really wanted to do was stay home, but I realized that going out was taking a step toward the life I really wanted.

Small choices matter. To navigate them, we all need a North Star; a landmark we can use to make sure we’re going in the right direction. What will yours be? Who do you want to become? What kind of life do you want? What decision-making framework will you use to help you get there? Choose well. If you do, you’ll take another important step toward Becoming Yourself.

Reach Your Big Dreams with Support Dreams

February 2, 2019 / / 0 Comments

“What’s your dream?… This is Hollywood, land of dreams. Some come true, some don’t, but keep on dreaming.”

Man on the street at the end of the movie “pretty woman”

Kids are great at dreaming. They haven’t learned yet that there’s a limited demand for princesses (props on beating the odds Meghan Markle) or nonathletic NBA players. Nor have they faced the mockery that people who are disappointed with how their own lives turned out often heap on dreamers in a vain effort to not feel so bad about themselves. So in their blissful ignorance, kids are wonderfully honest and optimistic about their dreams.

But somewhere along the line, most of us stop dreaming. Life smacks us in the face a few times, and we give up. Decide it’s not worth risking our hearts anymore. If we don’t stop, we often allow other people to tell us what our dreams should be or define what achieving them looks like.

Here’s my encouragement for you today – pick one dream you want to accomplish. It can be big or small, old or new. Maybe it’s one you gave up on a long time ago. Whatever it is, choose something that makes your heart beat fast. A dream you have a real passion for. One that would get you out of bed in the morning. Forget what anyone else thinks, and pick your own true heart’s desire. Let’s call this your Big Dream.

Got one? Next, think of a short list of Support Dreams. These are smaller dreams that would mark significant accomplishments on the way to your Big Dream. Then focus your efforts on accomplishing your first Support Dream. Work hard and celebrate like crazy when you’ve achieved it. Whether you ever reach the second one or not. Whether other people think it’s a big deal or not. You accomplished a dream! Even if it’s small, you did it. You made it happen. And if you have the courage and drive to keep going, you’re closer than ever to making your Big Dream a reality.

Here’s an example. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer. I loved to read, and books had a major impact on me. I dreamed of being able to encourage, inspire, and entertain people with written words. My life took a different path, but I’ve recently returned to that dream I had as a child. I’ve chosen becoming a professional writer as my Big Dream.

I’m not going to lie – it’s daunting. It’s a dream that many have had and few have accomplished. But it’s mine. It’s real. It’s from my heart. So to help me on my way, I’ve come up with a short list of Support Dreams.

Support Dreams

Support Dream #1 – WRITE A BOOK. Not just think about it, talk about it, or fantasize about it, but actually sit down and crank out an entire book. Even if no-one ever reads it. Status– DONE! I finished the rough draft of my first novel in March 2018. My wife Lisa and I went out to my favorite restaurant to celebrate that night and got a surprise when we arrived. The top of the daily menu said, “Congratulations on your book, Matt!” I have it framed in our living room. Whatever happens from here, I accomplished a dream!

Support Dream #2 – GET AN AGENT. Full disclosure, I had a big leg up here. I had some great coaching and connections from my incredible wife Lisa McMann, a NY Times bestselling author. I learned about the industry, wrote a query letter, memorized an elevator pitch, met with an agent, and did some hard editing based on feedback. Status – DONE! I was signed by the amazing Michael Bourret at Dystel, Goderich, and Bourret. If nothing else ever happens on the way to my Big Dream, I accomplished this dream. That’s worth celebrating.

Support Dream #3 – GET A BOOK DEAL. This is a tough one, not only because the odds are against me, but because it’s largely out of my hands. This is mainly about my agent working his contacts with editors at publishing houses trying to get them to make an offer on my book. Status – IN PROCESS. My manuscript has gone out to eleven editors in the first round, and I’ve gotten five rejections so far. We’re waiting to hear back from the others.

Support Dream #4 – WRITE A BETTER BOOK. As work on support dream #3 cranks slowly along, I set myself to the task of taking what I’d learned from the first book and writing a second, better book. Status – DONE! I finished the rough draft this week. It still needs a lot of editing, but I’m proud of my work. Even if no-one else ever read this manuscript, I completed it. I accomplished another dream!

Support Dream #5 – EARN A LIVING WAGE AS A WRITER. Seeing as I don’t even have a first book deal yet, this is obviously a “way out there” support dream. That said, it’s an important step to include on my journey toward my Big Dream of becoming a professional writer. Status – NOT EVEN CLOSE.

I’m not saying this process is easy. I have days when I’m down, and it seems like my Big Dream will never happen. When I feel that way, I turn to my Support Dreams. I soak in the sense of accomplishment I have for the ones I’ve already achieved. Then I focus my efforts on my next Support Dream and let my Big Dream take care of itself. It really helps. Worst case scenario, I’ve written two books and landed a fantastic agent. I feel pretty great about that.

How about you?

So what’s your Big Dream? The one that you can’t get away from? The dream that takes your breath away when you allow yourself to imagine it coming true? What’s keeping you from chasing it now? Sometimes seasons of life make it harder or easier to go after a Big Dream, like how being an empty nester opened up the opportunity for me to pursue writing. But if you’re putting your Big Dream off, ask yourself this – is it really not possible now or are you rationalizing? Be honest with yourself. Is fear holding you back? Are you letting others define you dreams or your vision of success?

Pick a Big Dream. Make a short list of Support Dreams. Work hard at the first one. Watch your energy and passion grow. Even if the process leads you to a different destination than you imagined, remember that having the courage to take the journey is an accomplishment in itself. Celebrate each small success along the way. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

« Older posts Newer posts »

Never Miss a Post – Subscribe Here!

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑