Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: real self (Page 8 of 9)

How to Motivate Yourself to Tackle Change: Focus on the Other Side

January 26, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Here are two statements I think most of us would agree with:

  1. Personal growth requires change.
  2. Change is hard.

That’s often the biggest hurdle, isn’t it? Almost everyone wants to be a better person (however you chose to define “better”), but a far smaller percentage of people actually become better versions of themselves. There are many reasons for that, but the difficulty of change is a big one.

So how do we motivate ourselves to tackle change? How do we get over the hump and get on with the “business of becoming”? There are a lot of answers to that question, but here’s one that’s helped me:

Focus on the other side.

What do I mean? Simply this – break through the change barrier to a personal growth goal by focusing on how good you’ll feel when you reach it.

Let’s break that down into 4 simple steps:

  1. Define your goal
  2. Make a plan
  3. Do the work
  4. Enjoy the results!

I’m living in a #4 season right now. I’m enjoying the results of big changes that I’ve tackled over the past couple of years in order to achieve two major personal growth goals: having a new life-style and starting a new career.

Here’s example #1: After my wife Lisa and I became empty nesters a few years ago, we decided that we were tired of living in a too big, maintenance-heavy house in the suburbs of Phoenix, Arizona. We had stayed multiple times in AirBnBs in midtown Sacramento, California while visiting our son and loved the mature trees, climate, and walkability of the city. So we decided to make a big change – sell both cars and most of our possessions, rent out our AZ house, and move to an apartment in Sacramento. 

As anyone who has moved out of state knows, it’s a lot of work. It takes planning and persistent effort over a long period of time before you feel settled in your new place. But we started with a clear goal in mind, made a plan, and plugged away at it. It’s taken about five months of consistent effort, but we did it. Our possessions are all sold, our house is rented, we have new medical insurance in place, our address is changed in about a hundred places, and we’re settled in our new apartment. And we love it! We walk everywhere, spend more time with our son, and have much more maintenance-free discretionary time. It’s so good on the other side of change!

View from the balcony of our new apartment

Here’s example #2: Ever since I was a kid, I dreamed of being a writer. For a variety of reasons, I chose a different path and enjoyed a wonderful and meaningful twenty-five year career in music, mostly as a music pastor in various churches. Over the last few years, I started feeling tired. I still believed in what I was doing, but my passion was waning. At the same time, I felt a renewed itch to write. With our kids out on their own and my wife Lisa McMann being a successful writer herself, I had the opportunity to make a big career change.

Over a two year span, I worked at gradually winding down my music career as I ramped up my writing. In addition to this blog, I am busy writing fantasy adventure novels for children. I’ve been picked up by an amazing literary agent who is currently shopping my first book to publishers. I’m a long way from being established in this field, but I feel energized again, and I’m loving my new life as a writer. It was scary to leave an established, successful career that I was comfortable in, but once again, it’s so good on the other side of change!

So how about you? What changes do you need to make in order to have the life you really want? To become who you really want to be? Is it taking control of your health or finishing your degree? Maybe it’s an addiction you need to break or a relationship that you know needs attention. It could be as simple as getting more organized or decluttering your home. Be the change large or small, short term or long term, mental or physical, emotional or spiritual, break through the change barrier by walking through the personal growth steps. Define your goal. Make a plan. Do the work. And each step of the way, focus on how good you’ll feel on the other side of change! If you do, you’ll take a huge step toward Becoming Yourself.

A Simple 2 Minute Exercise for a Great New Year

January 1, 2019 / / 0 Comments

It started with this Instagram post by my wife Lisa:

I loved her simple, compact list of positive things that happened in our family over the past year. It got me thinking about how a short reflection on the previous year could positively shape my personal development focus for the year to come.

Here is a simple “finish the sentences” exercise that can help you have a better, more focused new year. Spend just one minute completing each of these thoughts:

1. Looking back over last year, I’m so glad that I…

2. Looking back over last year, I wish I had…

For example, I finished these sentences like this:

1. Looking back over last year, I’m so glad that I…

a. finished my first novel

b. moved from a house in Arizona to an apartment in California

c. changed careers from a musician to a writer

d. sold most of my possessions and went (relatively) minimalist

2.  Looking back over last year, I wish I had…

a.  called my parents more often

b.  volunteered combating homelessness more often

c.  journaled

d.  written more blog posts

How would you complete those sentences? Maybe your “glad” list would include things like “took that new job,” “quit smoking,” or “started that hobby.” Maybe your “wish” list would have things like “spent more time with friends,” “forgave my brother,” or “read more books and watched less TV.” 

Whatever makes your lists, let the feelings of both satisfaction and regret this exercise generates motivate you to make better decisions in the coming year. Allow them to be lenses through which you evaluate new opportunities. Have them serve as guides that help you navigate the sea of choices you’ll face. Remember how good you feel about your accomplishments and your disappointment over your missteps. Commit to take actions that will lengthen next year’s “glad” list and shorten your “wish” list. If you do, you’ll take another big New Year’s step toward Becoming Yourself.


Tears, Smiles, and a Little Faith: How to Process Change

December 8, 2018 / / 2 Comments

The one word that best describes my life right now is change. I feel like almost everything is changing. My wife Lisa and I recently moved from Arizona to California, from a house in suburbs to an apartment in the city. We went from having a lot of possessions to few, from two cars to none. I’m transitioning from a career as an established musician to one as an aspiring writer, from being around a lot of great friends to being in a place where I know very few people. We’re changing our health insurance, doctor, dentist, grocery store, you name it (you can read my earlier post on change here).

Recently I was doing my nightly habit of standing on our balcony to reflect back on the day and pray. I’ve found it to be a helpful way to evaluate my progress on my personal development goals, practice gratitude, and maintain perspective. Normally this is a very calming and fulfilling time, but on this particular night I found myself feeling really sad about all the change in my life. Not regret over the choices I’d made, just a deep sense of sadness about the price of these changes, especially missing my dear friends back in Arizona. Rather than fight it or “looking on the bright side” as I’d normally do, I just let myself grieve. I acknowledged the cost, talked through how I was feeling with God, and let the tears come.

The next day I spent hanging out with my twenty-five year old son Kilian. He lives in Sacramento and being closer to him was one of the big reasons we moved. I taught him about investing and health insurance. We talked about his career plans and dreams. We ran errands. He and Lisa and I played Scrabble. It was a beautiful day.

As I stood on the balcony that night after he left, the contrast in my mood was striking. The night before, I took time to let myself grieve the reality of all that I was giving up through these changes. That following night, I felt like God was reminding me of everything I was gaining, a deeper relationship with my son being a prime example. It was such a sweet gift.

When I was a teenager, my family went to a small, traditional church that gave out programs every Sunday with a generic photo and scripture on the front. For some reason, one of those covers really stood out to me. It had a picture of a sunrise over the ocean and a Bible verse from Psalm 139:

“If I rise in the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”

I remember those poetic words gave me so much hope and comfort. They told me that no matter what changes life would bring, God would be there to help me through them.

That promise has proven true my whole life. I’ve learned the truth of God’s faithfulness in a thousand small ways and quite a few big ones. I learned it when I packed up my family in 2004 and moved to a city in Arizona I’d never heard of, to take a music pastor job at a church I’d never heard of, without knowing a soul. Fourteen years later, I’m learning that truth once again as I leave a now familiar place with deep friendships and wonderful memories to embark on a new adventure.

So how about you? What changes are you facing in your life? Whatever they are, I encourage you to acknowledge the losses, grieve well, then let them go. Focus your attention on whatever gains these changes have brought. And if you’re willing to try a little faith, take comfort and hope in the promise that God will be with you and help you, whatever comes. “Taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8). If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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