I heard the panic in my son’s voice. Water from a burst pipe was rapidly flooding his bathroom and he didn’t know what to do. Trying to stay calm on the phone, I guided him to the shutoff valve behind the toilet. It was jammed. While my wife did an online speed search for a plumber, I directed him to stuff towels in the doorway then head outside in search of the main water shutoff to the house. After a few excruciating minutes, he managed to stop the gushing.
Once we all took a moment to recover, my son said he was really glad I answered his call and knew what to do. I told him that in twenty-five years of home ownership, I’ve had my share of plumbing crises and had learned from painful experience.
Unexpected calamity is a part of life. Things are going along smoothly, then WHAM! Life smacks us in the head. I recently got an email from a friend who learned her husband’s brain cancer had returned. Another friend with young kids has been diagnosed with COVID-19. Yet another is dealing with a wayward teenage child. I’m sure you could fill in your own story. In those moments, it’s really good to have someone to call for help, advice, and support.
That reminds me of three people from Christian history. Paul, author of much of the Bible’s New Testament and a principle founder of the Church, was considered a wise elder. Barnabas, whose name means “son of encouragement,” was known as a supportive friend. Timothy was trained by Paul and characterized as a promising young leader.
From those historical figures was derived the idea that we all need a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy in our lives. Someone to mentor us, someone to support us, and someone we’re building into. My dad and my friend Susan are “Pauls” in my life. My wife Lisa and friend Ty are key members of my “Barnabas” group. And along with attempting to mentor my kids and a few others, the main reason I write this blog is to pass on some of my hard-won life lessons to any “Timothys” out there.
So how about you? Do you have a Paul in your life to call when unexpected crises hit? Do you have a Barnabas who can encourage you and walk with you during those seasons of struggle? And are you available for a Timothy when their life goes sideways? If you have these three people in place, be grateful. If not, be on the lookout. You’ll be glad you did, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Kate Spade. Anthony Bourdain. For those even marginally acquainted with fashion or food culture, these are familiar names. They had a lot in common. Kate was a celebrity fashion designer. Anthony was a celebrity chef, author and TV personality. Both were incredibly successful in their careers. Both were widely admired. Both were rich. Both were famous. Both recently took their own lives.
So many of us dream of having wealth, fame, admiration, influence, and success in our careers. We often think that achieving these goals would be the epitome of a life worth living. Kate and Anthony had all of those things. Apparently it wasn’t enough.
I don’t pretend to understand the private circumstances or mental illnesses that drove them to such a decision. I cast no judgment. We never really know what it’s like to live another’s life, so we should always err on the side of compassion. But I think there’s one safe conclusion that we can draw from these sad events. Actor and comedian Jim Carrey said it well: “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”
1. LOVING RELATIONSHIPS – You’ve probably heard the cliche: no-one on their deathbed regrets not working more but many regret broken relationships or not spending more time with loved ones. I think this is a cliche for a reason – it’s true. For me, loving relationships with God, others, and myself are the heart of what makes life worth living (for more on relationships, 
3. HOPE – Without hope that I can change, that life can get better, that a preferred future is attainable, I lose motivation. My incentive to grow fades. The passion to pursue my dreams cools. The encouragement I need to keep trying is missing. I’ve heard it said that everyone needs someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. I think that pretty much sums up these first three keys for me (for more on hope and where I find it, 
4. TRUE IDENTITY – Who am I? It’s one of the most fundamental questions we can ask ourselves. We can base our identity on any number of things – a job, an ability, another person, a bank account. What we use to define who we are has an enormous impact on our sense of worth. For me, there’s only one thing secure enough, one place to find my real self, one truth that grounds my identity and helps makes life worth living (for my answer and more on identity, 
5. SECURITY – Am I going to be okay? That’s another big question that we asked as children and, if we’re honest, have never really stopped asking. There’s a story that helps me answer this one. Whatever your thoughts about Jesus, I’m guessing most of us would agree that he had pretty good insights on life. The Bible records him telling a parable about two builders (see 
So how about you? What makes your life worth living? What would make your top five list? Answer with raw honesty. Structure your life around those answers. Choose your foundation well. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.