In the classic comedy movie Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, Steve Martin delivers this biting line to John Candy: “When you’re telling these little stories, here’s a good idea – have a point!”
That got me thinking about my own life. Does it “have a point”? After a lot of trial and error, I can honestly say that I’ve found one – to know and be known, love and be loved, enjoy and be enjoyed by God. I believe that if I do nothing other than that, my life will have a satisfying “point.”
I completely understand that for some of you my “point” sounds unappealing or even foolish. I respect that. There are certainly many other options. Your “point” could be serving others. Family and friends. Succeeding at your career. Growing your bank account. Traveling the world. Experiencing pleasure.
Those things are all good, and I pursue them regularly. But whenever I’ve made anything other than God “the point” of my life, it eventually left me with a dissatisfaction, a restlessness, an itch I couldn’t scratch. Why is that? Maybe it’s because I was using good things in a way they were never intended, expecting more of them than they were designed to give. The philosopher Augustine put it this way: “You have made us for Yourself, oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” As others have framed it, humans were created with a God-shaped hole in our hearts that only God can fill. That may not describe your experience, but I’ve found it to be true for me.
I’m either a cosmic accident or I’m not. There’s either a universal design or there isn’t. Either God exists or God doesn’t. Neither side of the God debate can be proven conclusively. I believe there are compelling arguments and smart people on both sides. If these are topics you’re interested in, my advice is to familiarize yourself with the rational cases for and against, factor in your personal experience, then decide for yourself. (If you’re looking for a resource, youtube is filled with debates and lectures by the likes of Ravi Zacharias and William Lane Craig on belief in God and Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins representing an atheistic perspective).
Regardless of how you identify spiritually, I think we all wrestle with the same questions. Where does your heart find rest? What is your life’s “point”? Answer well and you’ll find peace, satisfaction, and meaning. And you’ll take a giant step toward Becoming Yourself.
In last week’s post How to Find Direction in Life’s Fog, I wrote that, during confusing times in my life, God was my best source of “fog burning sun.” In response, a regular reader asked if I would share some of my process for how I connect with God.
Honestly, I was hesitant. While I often write about how my spiritual perspective helps me become a better version of myself, I know that some of you come from different faiths or no faith at all. I respect that, and don’t want to come across as “preachy” or forceful of my worldview. My goal is simply to share things I’ve learned on my personal development journey that may help you walk your own path, whatever path that may be.
Then I remembered something – many of the best things I’ve learned from others did not come from their insights on a particular topic, but from their sharing the ways they practice personal development in their own lives. Even if they come from a very different perspective, I almost always glean a helpful idea or tool.
So with that in mind, I decided to share a brief overview of how I approach the “how to connect with God” question. If this isn’t for you, feel free to stop reading now and check out the another post on the site or wait for next week’s installment. Still interested? Read on.
How to Connect With God
To give some context for my practices, here are some of my fundamental beliefs:
A loving, powerful, intelligent, eternal Higher Power exists and is the creative force behind the universe (I use the term God, but this power goes by many names).
God wants to be known but will not force Herself/Himself on us (God is beyond gender binaries).
A life-giving, intimate, conversational relationship with God is possible.
Why I believe those particular things is not the purpose of this post. That said, here is my daily process of connecting with God:
MORNING
I start the day with a five-minute stretching routine while I steep a cup of hot Tetley brand English black tea in my Harry Potter tumbler. I sit in a comfortable chair in the library corner of our apartment and begin a practice with three loosely structured parts:
Listening
For 10-15 minutes, I center myself in silence. Sometimes I close my eyes, sometimes I leave them open, depending on what feels right or how sleepy I am. Some days I let my thoughts wander. Other times, I use various meditation techniques like centering prayer, or focusing on my breathing, a word (God, love, peace, etc.) or an image (a lonely beach, a mountain meadow, a fireplace, etc.). The particular technique isn’t important. The goal here is to quiet my mind and heart to a listening posture where I’m receptive to anything God might bring to my mind.
Talking
After listening, I begin talking with God. I start with thanking God for who She/He is to me and for things I’m grateful for. Then I think about people and situations I care about and ask God to provide them with the help they need. Finally, I consider my own needs and desires and express those to God, asking for strength and guidance to live well. This usually takes about 30 minutes.
My chair in our corner library
Learning
After talking with God, I read some type of spiritual writing for 10-15 minutes. I’ve read and studied the Bible for many years, but lately have been drawn to other writings such as The Diary of an Old Soul by George MacDonald (spiritual poetry about pursuing God), Walking With God by John Eldredge (was incredibly helpful for me in establishing conversational intimacy with God), and the daily emails from Richard Rohr(a Franciscan priest, author, and teacher who founded the Center for Action and Contemplation in New Mexico). After reading, I listen to a spiritually focused podcast while I run the stairwell in our apartment building for about 20 minutes. Current favorites are Another Name for Everything by Richard Rohr and The RobCast by Rob Bell.
That is the cornerstone of my connection with God routine. It usually takes about 75-90 minutes. As a writer with a flexible schedule and a 50 year old empty nester, I can take that extended time in the mornings. I’ve done some version of a Listening / Talking / Learning routine regularly for 40 years, starting with 2 minutes for each section and building gradually. This included seasons where I was in school, working day jobs with set schedules, and raising young kids. It’s definitely harder during some stretches than others, but with tenacity and a little creativity, it can be done. I believe we make time for the things we truly consider important.
AFTERNOON
Throughout the day,I try to maintain an “unstructured awareness” of God’s presence through intermittent thoughts and spontaneous, silent conversation with God while I write, run errands, do chores, watch TV, whatever. A wonderful little book that taught me this concept is The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.
EVENING
Before bed, I stand on our balcony and talk through the day with God. Did I use it well? Accomplish what I set out to do? Learn or experience anything new? Even on hard days, I try to thank God for good things like health, relationships, a home, food, God’s presence, and meaningful work. Combined with my morning routine, these practices bookend my connection with God, providing both a positive start and a peaceful close to each day.
So there’s my personal take on how to connect with God. Take anything that may be of value to you and toss the rest. If you have questions or would like clarification or expansion on anything, please leave a comment below or email me through the “Contact” tab above. If you’re willing to leave a comment sharing how you connect with God, I’d love to read it.
Whatever road you choose, I wish you all the best on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.
The following post is part two of a two-part series by guest author Susan Stocker, one of the co-authors of the Barmen Today Declaration. Part one (you can read it here) told Susan’s personal story of how she became the catalyst for writing the Declaration, a pledge for a more compassionate and inclusive worldview. Today she concludes with some practical insights on how to live out this commitment in your daily life and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
In the late 1950’s Martin Luther King, Junior said that life’s most persistent and urgent question is: “What are you doing for others?”
What if this is a trick question? We have all been concentrating on “doing” for others – donating, marching in the streets, working in soup kitchens and hospital gift shops. Maybe the word “doing” threw us off. “Doing” doesn’t seem to be “doing” a whole lot, working well, or changing much.
Soon the responsible seven of us starting wondering what to “do” with this small but not insignificant group of signers. Should we plan rallies, write letters to congressmen or newspapers, have small group meetings, show up at churches and spread the news? We were concentrating on “doing” something with the others who were as interested as we were in “doing” something for others.
Then, one recent morning, in Richard Rohr’s daily meditation (found at cac.org), Cynthia Bourgeault talked about The Kingdom of Heaven and quoted Jim Marion as saying that The Kingdom of Heaven is undoubtedly a metaphor for a state of consciousness. The Kingdom of Heaven is not a place you go to (after you die, up in the stars) but a place you come from (every moment of every day in your interactions with all others, including God or whatever you name the Source of all Life).
The Kingdom of Heaven–sometimes called Peace on Earth, Nirvana, Joy, Ecstasy, Equality, Justice, Mercy, Love – it goes by many names—is a way of seeing, a perceptual framework, which sees no separation between God and humans, between humans and other humans, between the lover and the beloved, between Beauty and the Beast, between those who agree with me and those with whom I disagree. I am not only my brother’s keeper; I am my brother. John Donne in a sermon in 1624 suggested we stop asking “for whom the bell tolls.” It tolls for me every time it tolls for thee.
Perhaps, then, the question of what to do with the 27,000 of us is to begin a small (but not insignificant) revolution in seeing. What if each of us concentrated on seeing with eyes that refused to discern separation, with hearts that refused to hold the hatred which is only possible when we feel separate, and with minds open to the possibility, the very real possibility, of The Kingdom of Heaven being here and now and available to all “with eyes to see and ears to hear,” as the Gnostic Gospel concludes every chapter.
Now, that would be a revolution, my friends. And we make it happen by “doing” nothing but “being” awake, alive, aware and open. Ready?
Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.
