Developing a Better You

Tag: Richard Rohr (Page 6 of 8)

How to Turn Your Angst into Action: an Inspiring True Story (part 1)

Sometimes I struggle with what to write in this blog. It’s not usually for a lack of content. The difficulty lies in choosing which content would be most helpful for my readers – people who are working to become better emotional, mental, and spiritual versions of themselves.

I faced that dilemma a few months ago (July 2019) when I decided to write a post that was outside my norm. I did it because I believed the message was an important part of our collective journey toward “becoming ourselves.” I encouraged readers to do something for others by signing the Barmen Today Declaration. I encourage you to read that post first, but here’s an excerpt from what I wrote:

“What is the Barmen Today Declaration?… in short, it’s a statement that provides a simple way for you to stand with people who are suffering and marginalized. A simple way for you to make your voice heard in a call for unity and healing. A simple way for you to say that every human matters and has inherent dignity and value regardless of class, gender, orientation, race, or religion. A simple way for you to say you stand for love vs. hate, compassion vs. apathy, and hope vs. fear. This is not a statement in favor of any particular political party or religion. This is a statement about the kind of world you want to live in and are willing to fight for.”

After posting that four months ago, I moved on and continued writing about things I hoped would be helpful to you in reaching your personal development goals. Then a few weeks ago, a surprising thing happened – one of the authors of the Barmen Today Declaration, Susan Stocker, contacted me saying she’d read my post and thanked me for it. We exchanged emails in which I invited Susan to write a guest post to share what inspired her to write the Declaration. I am honored to say that she accepted.

What follows is the first of a two-part story in her own words. Please remember that while there is a political reference, the message of this post and the Declaration is NOT about a particular political party – this transcends politics, addressing the essence of who we are all called to be as individuals as well as the kind of global community we seek to build. If you find yourself tuning out, I encourage you to read the Barmen Today Declaration before making your judgement. Whatever your political affiliation, I hope you find Susan’s words as helpful and motivating as I did on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

Susan’s Story…

It didn’t start pretty. I know this because it started with what I refer to as “my scream.”

In the spring of 2018, I happened upon the book published the summer before by the Yale Conference on The Duty to Warn. This conference was a group of experts in mental health, law, and theology. The duty they perceived: warn the people of the United States about an imminent threat. The name of the book: The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump. I read the book. I didn’t sleep for three days. I couldn’t figure out what to do, but I knew I absolutely had to do something.

Finally, I realized I needed a team. I was a student of The Living School of The Center for Action and Contemplation in Albuquerque, New Mexico. That’s where I would find kindred spirits for whatever must be done. My scream was a plea for help on the Living School Facebook page.

Roy answered first, a lawyer and community organizer from Maryland who had worked mostly in conservation. Then Leslye, a Catholic worker from Alabama; Amari, who worked at Rutgers in New Jersey; Enrique who taught in Texas; Scott, a minister and educator from Florida and Washington State. Lastly, my friend David, who said, “If you’re starting a revolution, sign me up.”

We emailed and texted. Amari got the idea we needed a Zoom account so we could see and talk to each other. Scott, the primary author of Barmen Today, had studied the original Barmen Declaration and felt we could use it as a template for a statement of our commitment to contemplative resistance.

Our only commonality was we were each involved with The Living School. We were from all over the United States, five of us born in the United States, three of us activists, four of us educators, two legally trained, three church workers, and I’m a Marriage and Family Therapist. (All of us fit multiple categories!)

We all felt that Scott was divinely guided as he wrote the basis of Barmen Today. That, of course, didn’t stop the rest of us from wanting to weigh in, add this or that, and emphasize or diminish various points. We all agreed, though, the statements must be positive and FOR something instead of negative and AGAINST anything.

It took us four months. Finally, we sent copies to Richard Rohr, Jim Finley, and Cynthia Bourgeault, then held our breath. Would our teachers and mentors be with us on this journey? All three of the core faculty of The Living School quickly signed and endorsed Barmen Today.

We made plans to launch it at our August 2018 gathering where three of us would graduate from The Living School. Two of us had already graduated, and two were entering the program at the August convocation. Enrique put together a beautiful three-minute slide presentation he designed explaining Barmen Today. We had this running during the days of the gathering. Leslye created promotional cards for us. Roy had copies of the Declaration printed and also prepared a large display to attract the attention of the 600 attendees.

In his address to the graduates, Richard Rohr held up a promotional card, talked about how proud he was of Barmen Today, and called it “ours,” meaning belonging (at least in spirit) to The Living School. We left Albuquerque with a few hundred signatures and felt fortunate and energized. We continued working.

Alana Levandoski, a professional musician, read the Declaration and wrote a song, Divine Obedience, based on the meat and meaning of Barmen Today (find it on Youtube). Enrique and a professional translator friend of his translated Barmen Today into Spanish. David used Barmen Today at his church with great results, getting, as he says, “the elephants” out in the open. Roy has done a number of interviews explaining why Barmen Today is so necessary and timely.

We have wrestled repeatedly with what to “do” with Barmen Today. So far, we have followed David’s wisdom and simply opened our hands and offered it to the flow of Spirit to do with as Spirit will.

None of the seven of us feel any ownership of Barmen Today. We welcome and encourage all who are motivated to use the ideas and content (properly cited, of course) for education, discussion, meditation, contemplation, and prayer.

Our deepest hope is that Barmen Today stands as a testament to love and compassion, a template for healing division and hatred, a guide for promoting and protecting human dignity, and a reminder of our responsibility as stewards of creation.

We are approaching 30,000 signatures. If you, too, “want to remain faithful to both the Divine which we seek to understand and the Love which we seek to live,” please join us.

READ AND SIGN THE BARMEN TODAY DECLARATION HERE

Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.

The Most Impactful Choice You’ll Make This (or any other) Year: Randomness, Distraction, or Story?

I believe most people choose one of the three following ways of living:

1. EMBRACE RANDOMNESS – We are a cosmic accident, the by-product of time + matter + energy + chance. There is no overall meaning or purpose to life, rather we each find our own meaning however we can. We live out our lives as temporary residents of a chaotic universe, then we die and pass into the nothingness from which we came. The universe rolls on unaware and uncaring. The best way to live is to embrace this hard truth.

2. EMBRACE DISTRACTION – Don’t think about the big questions – where did I come from? Why am I here? Where am I going? They are either uninteresting, unsettling, or unknowable. Stay busy – work, play, deal with problems, sleep. Stay distracted – TV, social media, eating, drinking, music, hobbies, relationships. Use them to fill the silence whenever we feel a nagging sense of hopeless or the emergence of the persistent underlying question “What is it all for? What does it all mean?” The best way to live is to get through each day as best you can.

3. EMBRACE STORY – There’s a Great Story being told, one we’ve fallen into and in which we all have a part to play. There’s an Author, a Director, a Weaver, and our life is one small colored thread in a massive, beautiful tapestry whose design we can’t yet fully see. We were born into the ultimate tale of Love, Adventure, and Romance. The Great Story is heading toward a dramatic conclusion, and we will share in a real happily ever after. The best way to live is to discover our part and enjoy playing it.

Which do you choose? Each one has pros and cons. None can be conclusively proven. All have many highly intelligent adherents. There are compelling arguments that can be made for all three. Listing those here is not my goal. I’d encourage you to consider your personal experiences along with the intellectual arguments for each option and decide for yourself.

I’ve weighed these competing world-views in my own life and have chosen to Embrace Story. Why? Firstly, because I’ve had numerous personal, subjective experiences that lead me to believe that it’s true. Secondly, I find the intellectual arguments for Story to be the most compelling (specifically the way the Story world-view explains the Existence of the Universe, the Fine-Tuning of the Universe, the Existence of Objective Morality, etc.) Finally, since none of the three can be conclusively proven, why not choose the most beautiful option? Why not select hope? Even if I’m wrong and Randomness is the true nature of the universe, in the end, what will I have lost by choosing to embrace Story?

Over the course of my fifty years, I, like everyone else, have had ups and downs, joys and struggles, incredible victories and staggering defeats. I’ve enjoyed moments of life-giving clarity and endured times of spirit-wrenching doubt. Through it all, I’ve discovered that embracing Story, getting to know the Author, and discovering my part to play has given me a sense of peace, joy, love, hope, direction, purpose, meaning, and fulfillment like nothing else I’ve ever found.

My sincere hope is that whatever world-view you select, one of these three or some variation, leads you to these same gifts. Choose well, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

Some resources that have helped shape my thinking on the Embrace Story world-view:

The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge

Epic by John Eldredge

Another Name for Every Thing podcast by Richard Rohr (available wherever you listen to podcasts)

How to Find Happiness by Stretching Your Mind

The mind, once stretched by a new idea, can never return to its original dimensions.

Attributed to both Ralph Waldo Emerson and Oliver Wendell Holmes

“It was nice knowing you,” my chiropractor said, apologizing in advance for the sever pain he was about to inflict on me.

I was there seeking relief from chronic back pain following an injury. In his initial examination, my chiropractor told me that my hip flexor muscles were extremely tight and contributing to my back problem. He explained that he needed to loosen them before the adjustment and warned me that it wasn’t going to be pleasant. He was right. It hurt. A lot.

As I walked away with instructions on how to stretch my hip flexors, I was honestly surprised. I had been doing what I considered a pretty complete stretching routine every morning for years. It turned out I’d completely missed this area. It was a blind spot I never realized I had.

I worked that new stretch into my normal routine. At first it was really painful. Those muscles had been a particular length for a long time and were comfortable there, thank you very much. They let me know in no uncertain terms that they weren’t interested in becoming longer, looser, and more flexible. But with gentle, steady, consistent pressure, my hip flexors slowly began to yield. Now, six months later, that has become a relatively easy stretch for me and has been a part of a regimen that’s largely resolved my back pain.

As I did that stretch recently, I began thinking about how much my mind has been like my hip flexors. For many of my fifty years, it had a particular size, shape, and way of thinking about certain areas of life that it was comfortable with. It wasn’t really interested in stretching. But about ten years ago, I started to feel a nagging sense that this “unchallenged mind” approach I’d adopted wasn’t healthy. It was too restricting. Too narrow. I began to feel the need to stretch it, specifically in the political, spiritual, and social areas.

Let me be clear – I was not excited about this idea. I would have much preferred to stay in my comfort zone with the self-satisfied assurance that my way of thinking about all these issues was already correct. But as someone committed to personal growth and being the best version of myself, I knew I couldn’t ignore this any longer. I needed to stretch my mind.

So over the last ten years, I’ve opened myself to new ideas, perspectives, people, and experiences. I read different books. Watched different shows. Hung out with different people. Went to different places. I listened more than I talked. I processed, weighed, and considered new views. It’s been a long, sometimes painful process. But like my hip flexors, with gentle, steady, consistent pressure, my mind has gradually yielded. It’s become larger, deeper, and sharper. I’ve learned which of my political, spiritual, and social beliefs stood the test and rightly deserved to be held on to and which I needed to let go of in order to embrace new truths that I had discovered.

As a result of these efforts, my beliefs have changed significantly in all those areas over the last ten years. The specifics of which of my beliefs have altered is not the point of this particular post. I’ll write more on that in the days to come. My goal here is sharing this “mind stretching exercise” that I’ve adopted over the last decade that’s really improved my life. I find that I am happier, more at peace, less angry and judgmental, more compassionate and understanding, and quicker to recognize other blind spots that I still need to work on. The pain has been unbelievably worth the gain.

So how about you? I know this can sound like a daunting task, but a willingness to stretch your mind can lead to incredibly positive results. What areas of your mind could do with a good stretch? If you’re not sure, look for the topics or beliefs you get most defensive about or have never seriously questioned – those are usually places where you could benefit from considering another perspective. It may be religion, God, homosexuality, gender roles, gender identity, race, politics, immigration, economics, the poor, or something else. Be humble. Be open. Be respectful. Be sincere. Be brave. Look for smart people who think differently than you do and grant them an honest listen. Give your mind a gentle, steady, consistent stretch. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

Resources that have been helpful to me in my “stretching”:

SPIRITUAL / SOCIAL AREAS:

1. Richard Rohr’s daily thoughts email (sign up at cac.org) – a look at spiritual and social issues from the broad and inclusive perspective of St. Francis of Assisi. Richard supplements his own thoughts with the writings of other spiritual leaders from various traditions including women and people of color. The most influential spiritual stretching I’ve had in the last few years.

  2. The Great Spiritual Migration by Brian McLaren – a powerful and thought provoking look at where Christianity has been, currently is, and where it is, or should be, heading.

3. Love Wins by Rob Bell – a though provoking look at love, God, the Bible, heaven, hell, and the ultimate fate of every human being.

4. The Liturgists Podcast, episode 20 – LGBTQ – a thoughtful, respectful conversation about homosexuality from a spiritual perspective by people with differing views.

POLITICAL / SOCIAL:

The Week magazine – weekly publication that briefly summarizes national and global news and politics from the left, right, and center. Available in print and digitally. Subscribe at theweek.com.

SPIRITUAL / SOCIAL / POLITICAL:

Words I Wish I Wrote by Robert Fulghum – a collection of quotes and sample writings on a wide variety of important life topics by writers and thinkers from various perspectives including women and people of color. One of my favorite books.

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