Day and night. Work and play. Hot and cold. Love and hate. Sorrow and joy. Sun and rain. Vegetables and cheesecake. It’s a lesson that’s built into nearly every aspect of life. The world we live in is made up of a series of balanced opposites, holding each other in necessary, life-giving tension. It’s a dance, a system of give and take, of harmony, one we fight against at our peril. If any one of these couplets become too one-sided, our life becomes out of balance and bad things are the result.
So what does this have to do with personal development? In order to become the person we want to be, we must balance ACTION and CONTEMPLATION. My philosophy teaching father always says when discussing something important, “define your terms”. So what do I mean by “action” and “contemplation” in regards to personal development?
ACTION – this is our “outer work.” It’s taking our love for others and our gratitude for the good things in our lives and turning them into activities that help people in practical, meaningful ways.
CONTEMPLATION – this is our “inner work.” It’s having the courage to look honestly at who we really are and engage in practices that help us grow.
As you read those definitions, which did you identify with most strongly? We all have a natural leaning one way or the other. I personally gravitate more toward contemplation. I set aside time every morning for reflection, meditation, prayer, and personal growth reading. I enjoy introspection, trying to figure out who I am and how I’m wired. But I struggle with action. I feel deeply for other people’s suffering, but it takes intentionality and effort to step outside of myself to act on those feelings. Both are necessary, but it’s hard to find the balance.
So what does it look like to live with a healthy balance of ACTION and CONTEMPLATION? Sometimes examining the life of someone we admire can help. Pick your favorite example. Maybe it’s Martin Luther King Jr. or Gandhi or Mother Teresa. Maybe it’s a parent, a friend, or a favorite aunt. How do (did) they strike this balance in their lives? What can you learn from them?
My favorite example is Jesus. Regardless of your beliefs on his divinity, I think there’s a lot we can all learn from how he lived. The first four books of the Bible’s New Testament (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) paint an amazing picture of the way Jesus balanced action and contemplation. His ministry was filled with practical actions of healing the sick, teaching those who were searching for direction, training his disciples, challenging corrupt systems, and caring for the poor. At the same time, he regularly spent time away from the crowds to study, reflect, and pray (as a boy in the temple in Luke 2:41-51, forty days in the wilderness in Matthew 4:1-11, after feeding five thousand people in John 6:14-15, etc.).
So when it comes to balancing ACTION and CONTEMPLATION in your life, what’s one thing you can do to develop the side that’s less natural to you?
If it’s ACTION, maybe you need to step out and volunteer for a cause you believe in. Try a school or a food bank or a club or a church. Go alone or grab a friend or a group from work. Use volunteermatch.org to find opportunities near you searchable by area of interest and commitment level. I’ve used it to volunteer at food banks, a low income housing center, an event connecting homeless people with support organizations, a mens shelter, making heat relief kits, and delivering furniture to people coming out of homelessness. It may take you awhile to find your fit, but stick with it. Trial and error is part of the process.
If it’s CONTEMPLATION, try starting to have a dedicated time for reflection. In the morning, during your lunch break, before bed, whenever you can be consistent. Start like I did many years ago with the “2 / 2 / 2 Plan.” Spend two minutes in silent meditation / reflection, two minutes praying (if you believe in a higher power), and two minutes on some kind of personal development reading (a personal development book or blog, a Bible reading plan like YouVersion, a daily email like The Center for Action and Contemplation, etc.). Once you get in the habit, you can slowly increase over time to “3 / 3 / 3”, “5 / 5 / 5,” etc. Journaling is another great way to spend your reflection and / or prayer time. Use a Word doc, a simple notepad, or a guided journal like A Happier Mind Journal.
One of the amazing things about action and contemplation is that they have a symbiotic relationship where each feeds the other. I learn about myself and find healing through the ACTION of serving others. I’m most effective at serving others from the place of self-knowledge and wholeness gained through CONTEMPLATION. There’s no perfect balance to this. There will be seasons when it’s best to focus on action and others when you need more time in contemplation. That’s normal and okay. This is a lesson to work on for a lifetime.
So which side of ACTION and CONTEMPLATION needs your attention? Complete one small step toward balance today. Take the long view. Give yourself grace. If you do, you’ll be that much closer to Becoming Yourself.
So I switched mental gears, and we headed off to the park. As we were taking our walk, I was given another opportunity to be flexible. I started processing aloud some of the big decisions we were wrestling with, like whether or not to move and which retirement investments to pursue. I asked her questions, and she answered me but without a lot of enthusiasm. I missed the cues she was sending and continued talking. Finally Lisa said, “Look, I really just want to play some Pokemon here.” (Apparently, I’m not the only one who needs to work on being flexible. But I digress.)
Finally realizing that her expectations for what we would do during our walk were different than mine, I said, “ Well, I’m just going to go for my run then.” She thought that was a great idea (no surprise there) so off I went. As I ran, I began to think, reflect on life, and pray. When I finished running, I sat on a bench and read my personal development daily emails (from Richard Rohr at 
1. I need other people to speak into my life – Lisa brought up something that I needed to work on – being flexible. As hard as it was to admit, she was right. I’m a very routine driven person with a strong expectations of how things should go. Those traits can be strengths but at a certain point they become weaknesses. I had to be open to her critique, fight the urge to be defensive, and look at myself honestly. When I did, I put myself in a position to grow. I need to give people I trust permission to speak into my life and welcome it when they do. It’s painful but very necessary if I’m going to become who I want to be.
2.
So how about you? Are you inviting people to speak into your life? Give one person that permission today. Are you flexible and willing to try new things? Look for an opportunity to change your routine today. Are you open to the lessons life has to teach you? Take a moment to reflect on something you experience today. If you do, you’ll take another huge step toward Becoming Yourself.
I had just come off the Great Wall of China and I was freezing. It was an exhilarating experience, walking on a human-made structure over 2,300 years old and 5,500 miles long. A bucket list event for sure. But my friend and I chose to go in January because prices were dirt cheap and the tourist crowds were low. For a reason. It’s really freaking cold in Beijing in January.
That ride pushed “tour bus driver in Beijing” near the top of my list of jobs I would never want. It made driving in New York City feel like a Sunday afternoon jaunt through the countryside. But thanks to the nerve and skill of our stoic driver, we eventually arrived at the tea shop.
I was reminded of this idea while reading a tea meditation exercise by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen master. It was in 
If you are not fully present, you will look around and it will be gone.
So the next time you have a cup of tea or coffee, try to remember to pause. Savor the moment. Be present. Let it serve as a reminder to practicing living in the now throughout your day. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.