Our favorite walking place – Desert Arroyo Park in Mesa, AZ
The morning started off like any other. I had just finished stretching and was about to do my normal routine of prayer, meditation, and personal growth reading before my wife Lisa and I took our walk in a nearby park. Then she threw the curveball: “Can we go for our walk now before it gets too hot?”
I paused. This was not the plan. However, as we live in Phoenix and the temperature was predicted to hit 115 degrees that day, the request seemed a reasonable one. “Sure,” I said. “I’m flexible.” Her immediate reply? “No, you’re not.”
My first instinct was to contradict her. I could feel myself get defensive. But then I decided to be honest. “You’re right,” I said. “I’m not. But that’s something I need to work on.”
So I switched mental gears, and we headed off to the park. As we were taking our walk, I was given another opportunity to be flexible. I started processing aloud some of the big decisions we were wrestling with, like whether or not to move and which retirement investments to pursue. I asked her questions, and she answered me but without a lot of enthusiasm. I missed the cues she was sending and continued talking. Finally Lisa said, “Look, I really just want to play some Pokemon here.” (Apparently, I’m not the only one who needs to work on being flexible. But I digress.)
Two important things to note at this point in the story:
1. Lisa is very smart and normally very engaged in our discussions about important issues.
2. Lisa takes her PokemonGo playing very seriously (for those of you in the know, she’s a level 38 trainer – enough said).
Finally realizing that her expectations for what we would do during our walk were different than mine, I said, “ Well, I’m just going to go for my run then.” She thought that was a great idea (no surprise there) so off I went. As I ran, I began to think, reflect on life, and pray. When I finished running, I sat on a bench and read my personal development daily emails (from Richard Rohr at Center for Action and Contemplation and John Eldredge at Ransomed Heart ) while I waited for her to finish her walk.
As I sat there, I realized the whole situation had actually worked out great. Lisa got to do what she wanted to do, and I had stumbled onto a new way to do my morning routine. The change of method and the new venue made it feel fresh, and I discovered that it fit really well when combined with our daily walk.
Here are a few things I learned from that experience:
1. I need other people to speak into my life – Lisa brought up something that I needed to work on – being flexible. As hard as it was to admit, she was right. I’m a very routine driven person with a strong expectations of how things should go. Those traits can be strengths but at a certain point they become weaknesses. I had to be open to her critique, fight the urge to be defensive, and look at myself honestly. When I did, I put myself in a position to grow. I need to give people I trust permission to speak into my life and welcome it when they do. It’s painful but very necessary if I’m going to become who I want to be.
2. I need to be more flexible – This isn’t my natural inclination. When I find something I like or that works for me, I tend to stick with it until I’m forced to change. But I’ve found that when I’m flexible and break out of my routines, good stuff tends to happen. I learn new things. I have cool experiences. I meet interesting people. And I sometimes find new habits and routines that are more efficient, effective and / or enjoyable than my old ones.
Life is a great teacher if we just pay attention. Things happen everyday that we can learn from if we train ourselves to be observant. To take a moment to reflect. To ask questions like “What just happened here? What can I learn about myself from this?”
So how about you? Are you inviting people to speak into your life? Give one person that permission today. Are you flexible and willing to try new things? Look for an opportunity to change your routine today. Are you open to the lessons life has to teach you? Take a moment to reflect on something you experience today. If you do, you’ll take another huge step toward Becoming Yourself.
I had just come off the Great Wall of China and I was freezing. It was an exhilarating experience, walking on a human-made structure over 2,300 years old and 5,500 miles long. A bucket list event for sure. But my friend and I chose to go in January because prices were dirt cheap and the tourist crowds were low. For a reason. It’s really freaking cold in Beijing in January.
That ride pushed “tour bus driver in Beijing” near the top of my list of jobs I would never want. It made driving in New York City feel like a Sunday afternoon jaunt through the countryside. But thanks to the nerve and skill of our stoic driver, we eventually arrived at the tea shop.
I was reminded of this idea while reading a tea meditation exercise by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen master. It was in 
If you are not fully present, you will look around and it will be gone.
So the next time you have a cup of tea or coffee, try to remember to pause. Savor the moment. Be present. Let it serve as a reminder to practicing living in the now throughout your day. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Remember The Matrix movie? In this popular philosophy-ridden action film, the human race was unconsciously enslaved by machines. Everyone thought they were awake when they were really in a computer induced stupor. They were all asleep.
Recently that quest has led me to a daily email musing by a Franciscan priest named 
What does it mean to be “awake”? In simple terms, I think it means to be aware. To consciously consider the options that each situation in daily life offers us and make intentional choices. An “awake” inner dialog could go something like this:
My point is NOT that we should always choose what we think will benefit others at the expense of our own well being. I’ve been down that road and it led to emotional burnout and a therapist’s office. Sometimes the best thing we can do for the world is to choose things that add to our own personal comfort and happiness. Like most things, there’s a balance to be sought there.
My point IS that we should be having that inner dialog. That we should snap out of the unconscious fog that we so easily drift into where we simply do what we feel is best for us unless some outside force pressures us to do otherwise. That we should recognize our options. That we should be intentional about our choices. That we should train ourselves to be “awake”.