Developing a Better You

Tag: Sacramento CA (Page 2 of 2)

Slay Your Dragon – Find Peace and Relief Through Facing Your Fears

The simple fact is I was afraid. Afraid of – don’t laugh – the chiropractor. Let me explain.

A few years ago, I started having sharp pain in my back whenever I took a deep breath. I tried a massage, but the therapist thought I had a rib issue and needed a chiropractor. I’d never been before, but it seemed a smart move so I went.

She was right. I had two ribs out of place which the chiropractor promptly popped back in. It totally fixed my problem. But the adjustment hurt. A lot. I was assured by my wife and daughter, both of whom love going to the chiropractor, that my experience was an anomaly. When I decided to go back for a smaller issue a year later, it hurt like crazy again. That was enough for me. I swore off chiropractors unless it was absolutely necessary.

Fast forward to five months ago when I did something dumb. My wife and I were embracing minimalism, and in prep for our move from our house near Phoenix to an apartment in Sacramento, I spent hours sitting on the floor sorting through mountains of old paperwork. Since that time, I’ve been dealing with intermittent stabbing pain in my low back. It’s my body’s not so subtle way of reminding me that I’m 49, not 29.

I tried everything I could to avoid what I dreaded – going back to the chiropractor. Rest, pills, stretching, targeted exercises, you name it. Nothing worked for long. With my wife’s encouragement, I knew it was time to face my fear.

So a few weeks ago, I went to a chiropractor. Told him my issue. Shared my fears. The doctor was great, patiently explaining what he felt the problem was and outlining a care plan. Much to my disappointment, it meant a lot of adjustments – seven visits spread over a month. But with the pain of the last five months fresh in my mind, I took the plunge, deciding that if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. I embraced my fear and signed up for the full treatment plan.

I’ve gone five times so far. There’s been some necessary pain in the treatments but nothing like what I experienced in the past. And the results have been great. My back is significantly better. And while it’s still not the favorite part of my week, I no longer dread going to my appointments and have even started looking forward to them.

As I thought about this experience, I realized that it’s a perfect example of a key practice of personal development – facing our fears. Sometimes, as much as we wish it were different, the only way to get where we want to go or become who we want to be is to embrace what frightens us. And often, as I found, when we finally face what we’re afraid of, it’s far less daunting than we’d imagined, leaving us asking ourselves “Why didn’t I do this a long time ago?”

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”

George Addair

So how about you? What fears do you need to face? What task have you been avoiding? Is it having a hard conversation? Taking a risk at work? Ending a toxic relationship? Going to therapy? Whatever it is, take the plunge. What do you have to gain by waiting? You’re only robbing yourself of the peace, relief, and growth you could be enjoying right now. Tell someone you trust about your fear. Ask them for advice, help, and accountability. If needed, break the task into smaller chunks, then take the first step. Today. If you do, you’ll feel a lot better and make a big leap toward Becoming Yourself.

Tears, Smiles, and a Little Faith: How to Process Change

The one word that best describes my life right now is change. I feel like almost everything is changing. My wife Lisa and I recently moved from Arizona to California, from a house in suburbs to an apartment in the city. We went from having a lot of possessions to few, from two cars to none. I’m transitioning from a career as an established musician to one as an aspiring writer, from being around a lot of great friends to being in a place where I know very few people. We’re changing our health insurance, doctor, dentist, grocery store, you name it (you can read my earlier post on change here).

Recently I was doing my nightly habit of standing on our balcony to reflect back on the day and pray. I’ve found it to be a helpful way to evaluate my progress on my personal development goals, practice gratitude, and maintain perspective. Normally this is a very calming and fulfilling time, but on this particular night I found myself feeling really sad about all the change in my life. Not regret over the choices I’d made, just a deep sense of sadness about the price of these changes, especially missing my dear friends back in Arizona. Rather than fight it or “looking on the bright side” as I’d normally do, I just let myself grieve. I acknowledged the cost, talked through how I was feeling with God, and let the tears come.

The next day I spent hanging out with my twenty-five year old son Kilian. He lives in Sacramento and being closer to him was one of the big reasons we moved. I taught him about investing and health insurance. We talked about his career plans and dreams. We ran errands. He and Lisa and I played Scrabble. It was a beautiful day.

As I stood on the balcony that night after he left, the contrast in my mood was striking. The night before, I took time to let myself grieve the reality of all that I was giving up through these changes. That following night, I felt like God was reminding me of everything I was gaining, a deeper relationship with my son being a prime example. It was such a sweet gift.

When I was a teenager, my family went to a small, traditional church that gave out programs every Sunday with a generic photo and scripture on the front. For some reason, one of those covers really stood out to me. It had a picture of a sunrise over the ocean and a Bible verse from Psalm 139:

“If I rise in the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.”

I remember those poetic words gave me so much hope and comfort. They told me that no matter what changes life would bring, God would be there to help me through them.

That promise has proven true my whole life. I’ve learned the truth of God’s faithfulness in a thousand small ways and quite a few big ones. I learned it when I packed up my family in 2004 and moved to a city in Arizona I’d never heard of, to take a music pastor job at a church I’d never heard of, without knowing a soul. Fourteen years later, I’m learning that truth once again as I leave a now familiar place with deep friendships and wonderful memories to embark on a new adventure.

So how about you? What changes are you facing in your life? Whatever they are, I encourage you to acknowledge the losses, grieve well, then let them go. Focus your attention on whatever gains these changes have brought. And if you’re willing to try a little faith, take comfort and hope in the promise that God will be with you and help you, whatever comes. “Taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 34:8). If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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