Developing a Better You

Tag: self help (Page 1 of 2)

How to Find Peace with Your Past: Release and Reclaim

Now that both my parents and I are fully vaccinated, I’m heading to see them for the first time in almost a year and a half. My upcoming trip reminded me of a piece I originally posted in January of 2020, before the pandemic really took hold. The lessons I learned then have new things to teach me as we begin to move toward this post-coronavirus season. I hope they help you on your way to Becoming Yourself.

I traveled back to my Michigan hometown over the holidays to visit family. Slept in my childhood bedroom at my parents house. Watched the sun set behind the woods where I used to play. Drove past my old elementary school and the house where I was born. Had lunch with my best friend from high school whom I hadn’t seen in twenty-five years.

My elementary school

I’ve gone through a lot of changes since I moved away for good twenty-nine years ago. I’ve graduated college, gotten married, raised two kids, lived in three different cities in two other states, retired from one career and started another.

Going back to where I grew up always brings a strange mix of emotions, a sense of both deep familiarity yet utter foreignness at the same time. Nearly thirty years of life experiences have changed me. I’m not the same person anymore. I had the melancholy realization that in some sense, I truly can’t go home again.

The driveway where my dad taught me to play basketball

I find that many things that used to serve me well there are no longer helpful. Certain relationships, rituals, and activities have run their course, completed their formative work. It’s time to let them go. To move on. There are people I no longer need to see, books I no longer need to read, places I no longer need to visit. In order to progress on my personal development journey, these are the parts of my past I need to release.

Other pieces of my past can still aid in my growth. Things I’ve forgotten or let drift away in the busyness of life. Like reconnecting with Gary, my high school best friend. After twenty-five years, I’m not sure what made me track down his contact info and invite him to lunch while I was in town, but I’m so glad I did. Reminiscing with him about all that we’d experienced together in those formative years and sharing the paths our adult lives had taken energized my soul. It reminded me of who I was then in a way that helped me understand who I am now and clarify who I want to become. This is a part of my past that I can reclaim.

The woods behind my parents house where I used to explore

So how about you? What parts of your past do you need to let go of? What relationships or habits or memories are dragging you down, serving only as unwanted anchors, unhealthy reminders of who you were? Release them. What parts of your past do you need to reconnect with, good aspects that you’ve forgotten, things that can deepen and strengthen and stabilize your present? Which relationships or habits or memories can serve as anchoring roots enabling you to grow higher and farther in the future? Reclaim them. If you do, you’ll find peace with your past and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

What Being Lost in the Zambian Wilderness Taught Me About Achieving Goals

I was lost in the middle of bush country in Zambia. I had traveled to the African nation with a church group to work with AIDS orphans. As a part of that effort, we were taking food, blankets, and other supplies to a remote village that had been devastated by the disease.

The day started calmly enough. I climbed into the back of the open bed truck with the rest of my group and perched on sacks of mealie meal as we pulled away from the guest house outside the capitol of Lusaka. Soon the paved road turned to a dirt road which led to a two track which became open wilderness.

We had traveled far across the rolling landscape, winding our way through huge clumps of brush when our driver stopped and got out of the truck. I glanced around expectantly, but there was literally nothing in sight. Our Zambian driver looked at us and proclaimed, “We lost. I go find us.” And with that, he ran off and disappeared.

After getting over the initial shock of that statement, we laughed and talked about how strange it was to be plucked from our suburban American comfort to find ourselves in the middle of the African bush. But as ten minutes turned to fifteen and our driver had not returned, the reality of our situation began to sink in. None of us had any idea where we were. The winding path we’d taken through the brush had left us all completely disoriented. There was no cell service. We became quiet and tense. I don’t think I was alone in silently questioning the wisdom of my decision to go on this journey.

Much to our collective relief, our driver appeared a short time later and declared that he had reoriented himself. We were once again off through the wilderness.

Soon I heard the unexpected sound of singing in the distance. It grew louder as we crested a hill and saw a small village laid out before us. Coming from the circle of mud and thatch huts was line of women, children, and old men, singing and waving their arms in greeting. The joy on their faces was palpable. I was stunned. No president has ever received a better welcome. Even as I write this, my eyes are filling with tears at that memory from sixteen years ago.

We pulled into a small open area among the huts and began passing out the supplies. Women took heavy bags of mealie meal, a course flour made from maize, and cried out with joy. Children laughed and yelled exuberantly as we tossed out soccer balls. Old men clutched the blankets we handed them and cried.

I will never forget that day. Something deep inside of me shifted, changed, grew. The world shrunk for me, and I recognized strangers on the other side of the globe as my sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews. I had come to a place I’d never been geographically and found a place I’d never been within myself.

I share that story to ask you this – who do you want to become? What is your personal development goal? Where do you want to see yourself in five years? Ten? At the end of your life? Reaching those goals will require going places you’ve never been, and sometimes you’re going to get lost along the way. You’ll find yourself sitting in the back of a truck, in the middle of the wilderness, wondering where you are and if this journey was such a good idea.

Embrace it. Fight past the fear and the allure of your familiar comforts. Becoming someone worth being sometimes means hacking your way through unmarked territory, along a path less traveled. But it’s worth it. You’re worth it. Do it. You’ll find footprints of those who’ve gone before you, signposts to help guide you. Step out. Like Bilbo leaving his safe hobbit hole to follow a wizard and some unruly dwarves, take up the adventure. Your future self, and those you inspire along the way, will thank you for it. You’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

From “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost

Slay Your Dragon – Find Peace and Relief Through Facing Your Fears

The simple fact is I was afraid. Afraid of – don’t laugh – the chiropractor. Let me explain.

A few years ago, I started having sharp pain in my back whenever I took a deep breath. I tried a massage, but the therapist thought I had a rib issue and needed a chiropractor. I’d never been before, but it seemed a smart move so I went.

She was right. I had two ribs out of place which the chiropractor promptly popped back in. It totally fixed my problem. But the adjustment hurt. A lot. I was assured by my wife and daughter, both of whom love going to the chiropractor, that my experience was an anomaly. When I decided to go back for a smaller issue a year later, it hurt like crazy again. That was enough for me. I swore off chiropractors unless it was absolutely necessary.

Fast forward to five months ago when I did something dumb. My wife and I were embracing minimalism, and in prep for our move from our house near Phoenix to an apartment in Sacramento, I spent hours sitting on the floor sorting through mountains of old paperwork. Since that time, I’ve been dealing with intermittent stabbing pain in my low back. It’s my body’s not so subtle way of reminding me that I’m 49, not 29.

I tried everything I could to avoid what I dreaded – going back to the chiropractor. Rest, pills, stretching, targeted exercises, you name it. Nothing worked for long. With my wife’s encouragement, I knew it was time to face my fear.

So a few weeks ago, I went to a chiropractor. Told him my issue. Shared my fears. The doctor was great, patiently explaining what he felt the problem was and outlining a care plan. Much to my disappointment, it meant a lot of adjustments – seven visits spread over a month. But with the pain of the last five months fresh in my mind, I took the plunge, deciding that if I was going to do this, I was going to do it right. I embraced my fear and signed up for the full treatment plan.

I’ve gone five times so far. There’s been some necessary pain in the treatments but nothing like what I experienced in the past. And the results have been great. My back is significantly better. And while it’s still not the favorite part of my week, I no longer dread going to my appointments and have even started looking forward to them.

As I thought about this experience, I realized that it’s a perfect example of a key practice of personal development – facing our fears. Sometimes, as much as we wish it were different, the only way to get where we want to go or become who we want to be is to embrace what frightens us. And often, as I found, when we finally face what we’re afraid of, it’s far less daunting than we’d imagined, leaving us asking ourselves “Why didn’t I do this a long time ago?”

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”

George Addair

So how about you? What fears do you need to face? What task have you been avoiding? Is it having a hard conversation? Taking a risk at work? Ending a toxic relationship? Going to therapy? Whatever it is, take the plunge. What do you have to gain by waiting? You’re only robbing yourself of the peace, relief, and growth you could be enjoying right now. Tell someone you trust about your fear. Ask them for advice, help, and accountability. If needed, break the task into smaller chunks, then take the first step. Today. If you do, you’ll feel a lot better and make a big leap toward Becoming Yourself.

« Older posts

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑