I hate being called out.
When someone challenges or questions my behavior, my immediate reaction is usually to get angry, defensive, and hurt. To deny the critique or blame someone else. But in my better moments, I pause, take a deep breath, and try to see if there’s any truth to it. Often there is. My best personal growth has come from those painful, awkward truth bombs (you can read a personal example here).
I’m about to give a critique. I do so hesitantly, with a deep awareness of my own failings and privilege. I sincerely hope and pray that I don’t mess this up or offend anyone unnecessarily. If I do, I ask your forgiveness. Know that it comes from a place of truly trying to serve the greater good, whether I’m successful or not.
Part of the American psyche is a deep sense of individualism. Of personal rights and freedoms. It helps make our country strong, and I’m a proponent of that. But that individualism only works when balanced with an abiding sense of community, of shared responsibility, of caring for one another, of being willing to sacrifice personally for the good of the whole. That side of the American social equation seems to have withered lately, to our detriment and our shame.
I want to speak to the people not following the COVID-19 safety guidelines. I know you’re tired of coronavirus restrictions. Of wearing masks, social distancing, and avoiding group gatherings. I’m totally with you there. We all are. But realize that your decision to ignore these measures doesn’t just affect you. It affects the people you love most. It affects anyone who comes in contact with you. It affects me.
I haven’t seen my elderly parents in over a year. I understand that’s my personal decision, born out of a desire to keep them safe. But I also haven’t been able to see my twenty-four year old daughter in that same time period because she works in Canada. That country has rightly closed its border to Americans because we’ve done such a horrible job collectively in dealing with coronavirus.
While not seeing her has been difficult, I’m not asking anyone ignoring the safety recommendations to think about me. I’m asking you to think about the exhausted, desperate health care workers who are begging you to honor the guidelines. They aren’t making a politically motivated plea. They’re imploring you to reconsider your choices so you don’t show up on their doorstep asking for their help after you ignored their cries for your help.
These selfless workers have spent the last nine months going through an emotional meat grinder. They are burned out and pushed to their limits from endless weeks of holding the hands of people dying alone from this disease. Their sacrifice deserves to be honored by every one of us, not just with our thanks but with our behavior.
There is a large contingent of people in this country and around the world who still don’t believe that coronavirus is all that serious. That it’s an overblown, left-wing conspiracy. You may be one of them. In response, let me say that I honestly don’t care what your politics are. I have friends and family whom I love and respect all across the political spectrum. My pushback is this – while we are all entitled to our own opinions, we are not entitled to our own facts.
Covid is real. Covid is deadly. The most reliable studies, data, and expert opinions show that masks and social distancing significantly help reduce transmission. If you don’t believe those things, I wish you could speak to my dear friend whom I said a final goodbye to over FaceTime in the hospital because we didn’t know if he’d survive the next few days. I wish you could talk with my other friend who is, nine months later, still dealing with the after effects of spending three weeks on a ventilator. I wish you could sit down with one of the 274,000 families in America who are grieving their dead.
This disease does not affect us all equally. I recognize that I write this from a place of extreme privilege. I live in a nice place with my wife whom I adore. I don’t have to homeschool children, and I’m able to work from home. Many people live in an unhealthy, crowded household, facing gut-wrenching demands that I can’t even imagine. If you’re one of them, my heart goes out to you. The mental, emotional, and financial impact of restrictions and isolation are very real and need to be factored into the equation of our personal response to this unprecedented time.
That said, I personally know too many people who are not in a dire situation who continue to flout the guidelines. Who have either never tried or who have given up. To them, I implore you to reconsider. For the sake of those you love. For everyone around you. For the health care workers. Save yourself the gut-wrenching pain of this disease or the crushing guilt of passing it on to a loved one.
If you do choose to not follow the safety guidelines, I would ask you one favor. Before you post pictures on social media of your crowded, mask-less, indoor holiday gatherings, take a moment to pause. Think of how those images will make health care workers feel. Consider how that post will hit those who are sacrificing their own time with family and friends for the greater good.
Vaccines are coming. The finish line is in sight. I know it’s so hard to keep going, but hold on. Don’t stumble now. Wear your mask. Socially distance. Safeguard yourself and your loved ones for all the holidays to come. Press pause on the big family gathering this year. If you do, you’ll give an incredible gift to everyone this holiday season, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
For most of my life I’ve felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Not giving enough money to charities. Not spending enough time developing relationships. Not doing enough to serve others. Not working enough on my own heath and well-being. Every TV commercial showing a child in need made me feel guilty. Every article about diet, exercise or sleep habits made me feel like I was failing. Every book on relationships made me feel like I was falling short of being a good husband, father, friend, or neighbor.
These feelings led me to ask some hard questions: how do I balance all the competing demands in my life? How do I choose to live in a world where there is so much need? How do I spend my time, energy, and money? I felt overwhelmed by the “should do” lists in my life.
2. FINANCIAL – I will fund my retirement plan and give at least 10% of my income to charities I believe in.
4. SPIRITUAL – I will spend 45-60 minutes praying / reading / meditating / hanging out with God 6 mornings a week.
5. SERVING OTHERS – I will volunteer 1-2x per month at 
I’ve found that having a simple Rule of Life frees me from a lot of stress and guilt. Sometimes things that aren’t on my list come up that I feel I need to do. That’s ok. And when circumstances in my life change, I update my Rule. But having this baseline has made me happier, more peaceful, and more productive.