Developing a Better You

Tag: simplicity

Moving Beyond Simplicity

When it comes to personal growth, Simplicity is beautiful, necessary, and eventually toxic.

I recently read this perspective on Simplicity:

Just as all higher mathematics depends on learning basic arithmetic, and just as all more sophisticated music depends on mastering the basics of tempo, melody, and harmony, the spiritual life depends on learning well the essential lessons of this first season, Simplicity. If these lessons aren’t learned well, practitioners will struggle in later seasons. But if in due time this season doesn’t give way to the next, the spiritual life can grow stagnant and even toxic.

Nearly all of us in this dynamic season of Simplicity tend to share a number of characteristics. We see the world in simple dualist terms: we are the good guys who follow the good authority figures and we have the right answers; they are the bad guys who consciously or unconsciously fight on the wrong side of the cosmic struggle between good and evil. We feel a deep sense of identity and belonging in our in-group…. This simple, dualist faith gives us great confidence.

This confidence, of course, has a danger, as the old Bob Dylan classic “With God on Our Side” makes clear: “You don’t count the dead when God’s on your side.” [1] The same sense of identification with an in-group that generates a warm glow of belonging and motivates sacrificial action for us can sour into intolerance, hatred, and even violence toward them. And the same easy, black-and-white answers that comfort and reassure us now may later seem arrogant, naive, ignorant, and harmful, if we don’t move beyond Simplicity in the fullness of time.

Brian McLaren, Naked Spirituality: A Life with God in 12 Simple Words

I resonate with this idea that the season of Simplicity is important and necessary, but if we don’t move beyond it, it becomes harmful. It’s like refusing to stop using training wheels or not changing shoes when we grow out of them. I see it in people who isolate themselves in echo chambers, only listening to and believing those who agree with them, seeing ideas or information that challenge their established opinions as harmful, wrong, or even evil. 

I understand the appeal. Reevaluating long held beliefs and positions is hard work and requires sometimes painful growth. It’s far easier to entrench ourselves, put our heads down, and assign malign motives to those on the other side of the spiritual / political / social / racial divide. I’ve done that more times than I like to admit. 

While attractive, it’s not a recipe for a healthy, vibrant life or society. If we are serious about personal development, we MUST allow ourselves to be challenged, to reevaluate our deeply held positions (you can read about my spiritual reconstruction journey beginning with this post). It takes effort and intentionality, but the freedom and joy gained is more than worth the price. 

So how about you? Do you need to grow from Simplicity to Complexity? Listen to those who hold different viewpoints. Read other perspectives. Talk with a variety of people. Ask sincere questions and really listen. Consider honestly what you’ve heard. If you do, you’ll feel the vibrancy of growth, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published November 11, 2023.

[1] Bob Dylan, “With God on Our Side,” The Times They Are A-Changin’ (New York: Columbia, 1964).

Brian D. McLaren, Naked Spirituality: A Life with God in 12 Simple Words (New York: HarperOne, 2011), 29, 30.

Find Peace Through Simplicity (part 2): Your Time

My wonderful readers – I am working hard on the revisions requested by my editor for my debut novel which will publish next summer with Penguin Random House (more details to come in future posts!). So for a few weeks, I’ll be mining some popular posts from previous years. This one was originally published October 24, 2020. Thank you so much for your support and understanding! I hope you find this helpful on your journey toward Becoming Yourself.

In my last post, I told the story of how simplifying my relationship with material possessions has led to greater peace and significant life change. You can read it here.

The story doesn’t end there. Just as I fell for the advertising lie that more stuff equals more happiness, I used to buy into the idea that a filled schedule is better than minimal one. “I’m squeezing the most out of life” and “Look how busy and important I am” became subconscious mantras I told myself to justify my overcommitted calendar.

I’ve been amazed at how well the lessons of simplicity I learned about my stuff have worked when applied to my time. Decluttering my possessions led to decluttering my schedule. Saying no to impulse purchases led to saying no to impulse commitments. Less stress and greater freedom with my finances led to less stress and greater freedom with my schedule.

Most of us love the idea of more free time and fewer commitments, just as most of us love the idea of an organized and decluttered house. But we don’t drift into either of those things. It takes intentionality. Without vigilance, our schedules can gradually fill up with commitments just like our homes can gradually fill up with possessions.

When my wife Lisa and I moved from a big house in Arizona with lots of stuff to an apartment in California with not much stuff, I chose to make a fresh start with my commitments. I started with a blank slate, then added things to my schedule thoughtfully, realizing the beauty of calendar space. I prioritized the things that really matter to me, like relationships, creativity, and serving, by using the same criteria for my commitments that I applied to my possessions – true utility or real joy. Lisa helped keep me honest. Now with margin in my schedule, I have time to deal with the unexpected things life throws my way and look forward to the few things I do agree to.

If there’s one positive thing that’s come from COVID-19, it may be that the canceling of so many of our regular events, commitments, and activities has forced us to reexamine our relationship with them. What is really most important to us? How do we actually want to spend our most precious resource – time?

What would your schedule look like if you could start over? Here’s an exercise to find out. Begin with a blank canvas, hypothetically eliminating everything. Due to coronavirus restrictions, that may even be close to your reality right now. Then carefully put back one commitment at a time. Leave nothing unquestioned, even your work schedule. You probably can’t quit your job, but is there a way to get the time requirements closer to where you want to be? Are you able to cut back or work more from home for greater flexibility and no commute? If not, ask the harder question of whether or not you’re in the right career long term.

For commitments you decide you want or need to keep, do they require their current frequency? Could you reduce some of your daily commitments to weekly, weekly to monthly, or monthly to quarterly? When COVID-19 restrictions lift, do your kids really need to be in soccer and band and karate? Is that actually good for them? For your family? When our kids were younger, my wife and I allowed them each one extra-curricular activity at a time. It truly saved our sanity.

Decluttering your schedule will provide many of the same benefits as decluttering your home. You’ll feel lighter, calmer, freer, and more peaceful. Saying no to “good but not best” things will open up time to say yes to things you really value. Sit down with your calendar today. Ask your significant others to help you and invite them to try it themselves. If you do, you’ll soon find more margin and peace, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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