Developing a Better You

Tag: Susan Rau Stocker (Page 1 of 2)

Frustrated by the State of the World? Here’s a Simple Action You Can Take

Sometimes looking back helps us move forward.

Given the state of the world today, it feels appropriate to revisit a topic I wrote about years ago—Barmen Today, a written declaration encouraging people to adopt a set of common core values. It was spearheaded in 2018 by my friend Susan Rau Stocker and some fellow students of the Living School at the Center for Action and Contemplation.

Some of you are feeling uneasy right now. You’re wondering, “Is this a political post? I’m not here for that.” I get it. I’m not a political junky myself. That said, I’ve learned that much of politics is a form of personal development on a larger, more communal scale. Part of my own mental, emotional, and spiritual development includes taking steps to support those same developments in others. Politics (laws, legislation, and the people that make them) plays a key role in that.

So what is the Barmen Today Declaration? It’s a statement that provides a simple way for you to stand with people who are suffering and marginalized. To make your voice heard in a call for unity and healing. To say that every human matters and has inherent dignity and value regardless of class, gender, orientation, race, or religion. To declare you stand for love vs. hate, compassion vs. apathy, and hope vs. fear. This is not a statement in favor of any particular political party or religion. This is a statement about the kind of world you want to live in and are willing to fight for.

I completely respect your right to any political viewpoint or position. I have family, friends, and readers all across the political spectrum. But within our healthy debates about pressing issues of our day, a common ground of decency, respect, humility, and openness will make those debates productive vs. destructive, exchanges that sharpen each other vs. wound each other.

I believe Barmen Today offers that common ground. You can read it below and decide for yourself. If you agree with it, I hope you’ll join me in signing. Live by its principles. Share the link or this post with others in your circle. Together, we can make a more compassionate and unified world, and help each other take another step toward Becoming Ourselves.

SIGN BARMEN TODAY HERE

BARMEN TODAY:
A CONTEMPORARY CONTEMPLATIVE DECLARATION

 
History is filled with moments which demand words and actions to define fundamental values and commitments.  Such moments require not only humble introspection consistent with contemplative practice but also the concurrent courage to speak prophetically, consistent with such practice.
 
In 1934 in Germany, at a time when humanity faced the threats of the tyrannical and evil power of Nazism, when the state church of Germany affirmed the actions and leadership of its nation to ensure its place of privilege in society, not all voices of opposition remained silent. Those signing the Barmen Declaration spoke out as an act of “divine obedience” in resistance to the church’s unconscionable moral compromise, proclaiming their allegiance to a Truth greater than temporal politics. 
 
Time has revealed the Barmen Declaration to be a significant confessional document, a historical statement defining fundamental values and commitments.


In contemporary America, we face parallel threats and affirmations as prominent and privileged leaders of America’s Christian churches choose to closely and publicly support the policies and actions of our nation’s leadership – policies and actions irreconcilable with the pursuit of peace and justice. Many of these policies and actions demean people of color, support hate-filled speech from white supremacists, ostracize gender minorities, demonize refugees and immigrants, and ignore climate change realities. These policies and actions embolden others to act similarly; polarize people within and beyond this nation; falsely cloak nationalism, fascism, and racism in words of universal beliefs and values, distorting and undermining the very bases of many faiths, not the least of which is what it means to be Christ-affirming.
 
As contemplatives of diverse ancestries, traditions, and faiths, we hold in common our witness to:
 
o    Love and compassion
o    Healing of division
o    Promotion and protection of human dignity
o    Stewardship of creation

In so holding, we honor and cherish the inherent Divinity existing within all of creation.
 
Our intention is to stand in unanimity and non-violent resistance to the very real threats to that which we hold in common. Recognizing that actions of tribalism, fascism, isolationism, and similar divisive initiatives are now happening throughout this world, as citizens of this nation, together, we seek to provide a common message to reject and resist the policies and actions of our nation and its leaders when they run counter to our common holdings.
 
As contemplatives of diverse faiths, we may and must speak with one voice in this matter today. “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil,” warned Dietrich Bonhoeffer. “Not to speak is to speak.  Not to act is to act.” Precisely because we want to remain faithful to both the Divine which we seek to understand and the Love which we seek to live, we choose to not be silent. We choose to speak and act.


We have a common message in this time of common need:
 
o   To the extent that our government affirms the basic dignity of all people and works deliberately to provide equal access to law, economic opportunity, education, healthcare, and a healthy environment, we will be loyal citizens. But to the extent it promotes factionalism, racism, fascism, unequal treatment in law enforcement, gender bias, or harm to the poor, the oppressed, the disadvantaged, the unwanted, the refugee, and the environment, we declare that we will non-violently reject and resist.
 
o   Our security comes not from gun ownership or military might; it does not come from oppression of the many for the enrichment of the few; it does not come from degrading others who are unlike ourselves. As contemplatives of many faiths, we seek the welfare of all our brothers and sisters, including those of differing perspectives and opinions. But to the extent that current policies and actions demand allegiance to the tyranny of the privileged and the few, we declare we will non-violently reject and resist.
 
o   We seek to speak the truth in love and to challenge the prevailing ideological and political convictions which do not align with the Divinity of love. We understand that free speech, pursuit of happy and healthy living, and freedom of religion lay in the Constitutional foundation of this nation’s history and in our hopes of securing and protecting the dignity of all humanity. We believe in the full and equal exercise of these rights by all people. To the degree that our leaders shun these rights and their equal exercise, we declare we will non-violently reject and resist.
 
o   We embrace separation of the powers of Church and State and urge all to continue to embrace it. And while individuals may vote as their conscience dictates, it is blatantly false to proclaim that any elected or appointed leader of this nation, including the President, represents more than a person charged with the duty to serve all of the people of this nation; it is blatantly false to proclaim that he is anointed or especially chosen of God to lead this nation; it is blatantly false to conclude that he is somehow above the constraints of moral and legal scrutiny. To such positions, we declare we will non-violently reject and resist.


Therefore, the undersigned hereby commit to avail themselves of contemplative, non-violent action and ask spiritual and faith leaders and followers across the United States to join us in works of “divine obedience” in resistance against current and future policies and actions which marginalize any human being of any color, class, race, religion, disability, or gender; which threaten the stewardship of creation; which embrace evil rather than good and hate rather than love. We ask you to reject and resist the words, policies, and actions of exclusion, denigration, hatred, fascism, and nationalism.
 
We invite all who are able to support Barmen Today: A Contemporary Contemplative Declaration to hold it in a circle of unity of faith, hope, and love, and to stand steadfast in non-violently rejecting and resisting until our nation chooses to serve all people and all of creation with the Divine love to which all are entitled.
 
Nothing has ever been more imperative.

SIGN BARMEN TODAY HERE

What Comes After Thanksgiving? A Helpful Holiday Perspective

What comes after Thanksgiving?

That’s the question recently posed by my dear friend and fellow writer Susan Rau Stocker in her wonderful blog The Many Faces of PTSD. Her insightful answer below gave me a much needed perspective now that the holiday season is in full swing. I hope it increases your enjoyment of the holidays as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

What comes after Thanksgiving?

I know: We’re tempted to say Christmas. But Christmas is a month away, and here we are at the end of November, “the gray month,” with more than we can possibly get done between now and December 25th. So, what comes after Thanksgiving? STRESS. WORRY. AGGRAVATION. SPENDING. COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS. TV SHOWS AND ADS OF PERFECT COUPLES, PERFECT FAMILIES, PERFECT HOMES, PERFECT VACATIONS, PERFECT CHRISTMAS TREES AND . . . RELAXED PEOPLE.

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking more along the lines of the Grinch. This seems like a great time of year to take the dog and head off for the hills. “Come on, Max. We’ll be back in March. Maybe April.”

It’s not that I don’t love Christmas. I do love Christmas. I just don’t love what’s happened to it. Actually, it’s the same thing that has happened to weddings, funerals, birthdays, homes, cars, clothes and so much else. Everything seems to have out-grown itself. Almost everything is super-sized and as inflated as a balloon. Almost nothing has retained its meaning and simplicity.

How can we keep our heads about us in the midst of “holiday” rage? Road rage is only the beginning of the ways stress zaps our kindness to each other. Does it seem to you that most of life has become competitive instead of cooperative?

So, how do we keep it simple and real while those around us are in a race for the greatest and best, the snazziest and most elegant, the flashiest and finest? And do we need reasons to concentrate on simplicity? I know a pervasive, underlying reason: good health — mental, physical, psychological, and spiritual.

We need to disengage from the racing subway where we’re holding on to the straps for dear life. We need to sit on the mountaintop, if only in our imaginations, and stare out at the cosmos. We need to remember how little we are and how big the world is. When we look across the ocean or the mountains or the star-studded sky, why do we feel so much better? Because we regain our perspective. All is well. God’s in Her/His/Their Heaven. I have a deck of “Angel Cards” and one of them says: “”God keeps all the planets in the sky. Surely God is holding you, too.” I LOVE that thought. I guess if Jupiter and Mars are hanging in orbit, we humans can stay in our lanes, also.

What comes after Thanksgiving? A chance to re-position ourselves in a sane, safe, sweet, simple life we re-create, re-new, and rejoice in. Love, Susan

Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.

Sometimes You Just Need to Laugh

Sometimes you just need a laugh. 

I read the following post from my friend and fellow blogger Susan Rau Stocker while sitting in an urgent care during my long book tour. The laugh was a welcome lift, so I thought I’d pass it along. She throws in a helpful summary of the famous Myers / Briggs personality test too, which gave me a welcome refresher. I hope her story brings you a smile as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.


Let me set the scene. Phil Hockwait was the first therapist I ever saw. He told me, “You’re on the wrong side of the desk. Go back to school, get a counseling degree, and I’ll hire you the minute you graduate.” Five years later I was working with him. One of the great gifts he gave me in our ten years together was that we did quite a bit of co-therapy. We were a good team: he was all head, and I was all heart; he was slow and methodical, and I jumped in the deep end.

One of the clients we saw together was a sixty-year-old professor from a small Ohio college. He and the considerably younger woman he was dating were having some issues and sought out Phil, who pulled me in with him. We gave them the Myers/Briggs personality inventory. I speak of this often because it is a “short-cut” to getting to know a client. It is also a big help for clients to see for themselves how different people can be and where they land on the four different continuums:

Extroversion (E)-Introversion (I) – do you get your energy by being with people or by being alone. Professor was an introvert; girlfriend an extrovert.

Sensing (S)-Intuitive (N) – do you see the world in black and white or in gray/realist or idealist. Professor was intuitive; girlfriend was sensing.

Thinking (T) or Feeling (F) – make decisions in your head or heart. Professor was thinking; girlfriend was feeling.

Judging (J) or Perceiving (P) – organized and playful or shoot from the hip and make it up as you go along. Professor was judging; girlfriend was perceiving.

Professor was an INTJ – girlfriend an ESFP.

Now, this actually was perfect for a great relationship: they were the ultimate balance and together could cover all the bases needed for life. However, there would be challenges where they would drive each other crazy.

This particular day we were working with the professor alone, and he brought in some of the crazy-making things the girlfriend was doing, like her earrings were too big and clanky. I immediately leaped to the Myers/Briggs to explain that these things were about her perceiving nature, she was a “P”, and his judging nature. He was a “J”. I began eloquently talking about “P’s” and “J’s” and how important each element was in a full, happy life – you have to be able to pay the bills (J), but you also want to be able to do a thing or two spontaneously (P), like go out to dinner or have a snuggle.

In a moment of inspiration, I started talking about the professor’s “J-ness” and how he had that half of the whole totally figured out. He needed to practice being more impulsive and “in the moment.” So, said I, “What you have to do is develop your P-ness.”

I put my hand over my mouth. What I said sounded like: develop you penis.

And there you have it. It was weeks before either the professor or Phil could look at me without laughing. That happened in about 1988. Feels like yesterday. Some things you never forget.

I hope you got a Saturday morning laugh. Have a great week. We’ll see what trouble I can get into this week!! Love Susan

SLOW DOWN AND THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK – OR DON’T, AND GIVE EVERYONE A GOOD LAUGH.

Susan Rau Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.

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