Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: taking risks

Why I Hate New Year’s Resolutions (and What I Do Instead)

December 31, 2022 / / 0 Comments

I hate New Year’s resolutions. 

As someone who has been dedicated to personal development for decades, that may sound surprising. If they are helpful for you, wonderful. Embrace them. For me, an external date on the calendar has never provided enough motivation for me to stick to my goals. The annual cycle of failure only succeeded in making me feel bad about myself.

In order to change something meaningful about my life, the motivation has to come from within. I have to want it badly enough to go through the inevitable pain of change. The problem for me is summed up in this quote:

The reinvention of daily life means marching off the edge of our maps.

Bob black

My love of routine and timid nature make reinventing myself a struggle. I like my map. I’m comfortable with my map. It’s neat and predictable and familiar. I have a sense of control, however illusionary that actually is.

Venturing beyond the edges of my map means traveling to frightening places, filled with strange and wild things. It’s messy, unpredictable, unfamiliar, and potentially dangerous. As Bilbo Baggins once said of such adventures, “Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner!”

So my desire for comfortable routine is at odds with my desire for personal development. Becoming the best mental, emotional, and spiritual version of myself requires that I take up my walking stick and step boldly over my familiar borders.

To find my courage, I must remember that the best things in my life came to me when I dared to enter the unknown—my marriage. My kids. My career as a musician and now as a writer. My relationship with God. My travels and life-giving friendships. I enjoy these most precious things at their current health and depth only because of the times I chose to march off the edge of my map.

There have been many failures along the way. Countless times, I’ve been too fearful or too comfortable to risk the journey. Sometimes I’ve taken the risk only to wander into swamps, lose my way in a misty forest, or wind up adrift on a stormy sea. Marching off the edge of our maps is not for the faint of heart. But that is where True Life lies. Energy. Adventure. Meaning. Wonder. A sense of being alive that’s found nowhere else.

What are your growth goals for the new year? Are they mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, or something else? Whatever they may be, if you truly want to reinvent your life, you must be willing to march of the edge of your map. Read new things. Talk with different people. Visit untried places. Start unfamiliar ventures. If you do, an incredible adventure awaits, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

The Lesson of the Shared Table

May 14, 2022 / / 0 Comments

“Hey, would you like to eat with us?”

I was sitting with a friend in an Ethiopian restaurant. The tall, rough-looking man who had spoken was standing at the next table and looking past us toward the entrance. A moment later, another man approached, shook the tall man’s hand, then introduced himself to the tall man and his friend. The newcomer thanked them for the invitation, then the three of them sat and began chatting. They placed their order and soon a single large platter was delivered to their table. In true Ethiopian style, they shared their food from a common serving plate.

Later in the meal, the man who had come alone left for the restroom. While he was gone, the tall man say to his companion, “Thanks for being okay with me inviting that guy to join us.” His friend replied, “Yeah man, I could do this all day.”

I was fascinated. Invite a stranger to sit with you in a restaurant? Share a common plate with them? The idea had never occurred to me. I found myself envying the courage of the man who made the offer and the one who accepted it.

In my last post, I wrote that living with a “let them come” attitude is difficult for me, as my somewhat timid nature makes diving into new experiences intimidating. What I saw in that restaurant was a beautiful example of the type of “seize the moment” living I’m trying to learn.

My wife and I unintentionally had a similar experience years ago in Italy. We wandered into a restaurant with a small seating area. The hostess promptly led us to a table with four chairs, two of which were already occupied. We hesitated, thinking there was a mistake, but the hostess just smiled and gestured toward the two empty seats. After an awkward moment, the seated couple quickly invited us to join them.

We exchanged greetings and learned they were also Americans on vacation. We swapped travel stories and were soon laughing together. What started off as an uncomfortable surprise turned into one of the most pleasant and memorable evenings of our trip.

As I think back on those experiences, I wonder why I still hesitate to be so bold. So free. To let those moments come. Living with this level of intentionally comes with risks to be sure, but it’s also a path to growth and unexpected joy. That’s the lesson of the shared table.

So how about you? Are you willing to step outside your comfort zone? To try something new? Keep your eyes open. Seize moments, big and small. Say yes. If you do, you’ll feel a revitalizing wind blow through your life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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