Developing a Better You

Tag: Thich Nhat Hanh (Page 1 of 2)

Finding a “Still Water” Mind

It’s been a turbulent month. 

An exhausting week of author school visits capped by a bookstore event. A long-delayed layover flight that got my wife and I to our destination at 4:00 am. Caring for my dad as he recovers from knee replacement surgery. Helping Lisa’s elderly mom. Getting smacked hard by norovirus. An unexpected death in the family with corresponding funeral events.

Now that the storms have receded and a vague sense of normalcy has returned, I sit down to write this week’s personal development post only to find I have nothing to say. My gut feels empty, and my mind cluttered. That spark of an idea, sharpness of insight, or poignant life-lesson is missing.

Me while writing this post

As I write this, I’m sitting in my old bedroom at my Dad’s house staring out at the back woods, waiting for inspiration that isn’t coming.

Grasping at straws, I look through a seldom-used folder of blog ideas on my desktop and find a quote from a book I’m reading, Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh, by the great Buddhist teacher. It seems especially fitting for my state of mind:

“Have you ever seen yourself in a mirror that distorts the image? Your face is long, your eyes are huge, and your legs are really short. Don’t be like that mirror. It is better to be like the still water on the mountain lake. We often do not reflect things clearly, and we suffer because of our wrong perceptions. When we see things or listen to other people, we often don’t see clearly or really listen. We see and hear our projections and our prejudices.

We need to make our water still if we want to receive reality as it is. If you feel agitated, don’t do or say anything. Just breathe in and out until you are calm enough. Then ask your friend to repeat what he has said. This will avoid a lot of damage. Stillness is the foundation of understanding and insight. Stillness is strength.” (p. 117, Still Water)

I’m trying to regain that stillness. My external circumstances have calmed, but my mind remains a tempest. I take a deep breath. Walk the dirt road at the end of Dad’s long, winding driveway. Let the silence sink into my bones.

Waves still disturb the surface of my mind, but the wind is lessening. Stillness is coming. For now, I’ll wait and trust.

Are you in a turbulent season? Acknowledge reality. Embrace your feelings. Step away from what you can. Endure what you must. Breathe deep. Take a walk. Soak in silence. Trust that stillness is coming. If you do, you’ll soon find a measure of peace, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpt from Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh published by Shambhala 2011, p 117

The Counterintuitive Benefits of Mindfulness

It’s completely counterintuitive. 

I’ve written about my efforts to live and work more “unhurriedly” before. It’s the idea that working slower and more deliberately with greater focus and attention produces a better outcome than faster-paced work. A little like “slow and steady wins the race,” but with an emphasis on mindfulness, which dictionary.com defines as:  

a technique in which one focuses one’s full attention only on the present, experiencing thoughts, feelings, and sensations but not judging them.

World-respected Buddhist practitioner and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh described mindfulness this way:

Mindful living is an art. You do not have to be a monk or live in a monastery to practice mindfulness. You can practice it anytime, while driving your car or doing housework. Driving in mindfulness will make the time in your car joyful, and it will also help you avoid accidents. You can use the red traffic light as a signal of mindfulness, reminding you to stop and enjoy your breathing. Similarly, when you do the dishes after dinner, you can practice mindful breathing so the time of dish washing is pleasant and meaningful. Do not feel you have to rush. If you hurry, you waste the time of dish washing. The time you spend washing dishes and doing all your other everyday tasks is precious. It is time for being alive. When you practice mindful living, peace will bloom during your daily activities.

thich nhat hanh, your true home, entry 29

The success of my attempts to practice mindfulness is mixed. It’s a completely different mindset for me. I’ve spent decades learning how to work faster, more efficiently, to fill all the gaps, to multitask, with a drive to cross as many things off my to-do list as possible. Yet when I manage to achieve this mindfulness approach, I’m shocked to find that:

1. I get MORE work done

2. I get BETTER work done

3. I ENJOY my work more

4. I feel RELAXED and PEACEFUL at the end of the day vs exhausted and harried

What is your normal pace of daily life? Is it characterized by striving attack or gentle grace? Pause regularly. Gaze out the window. Take a few deep breaths. Chat briefly with a friend, loved one, or co-worker. Make an extra cup of tea. Move with thoughtfulness and attention. If you do, you’ll experience a boost in both peace and productivity as you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published on June 17, 2023.

A Counterintuitive Path to Happiness—Embrace Suffering

I’ve always been fearful.

Along with my childhood fear of our creepy basement and my perfectly rational fear of sharks, a constant nemesis has been my fear of suffering. I hate it. I usually try to avoid it as much as possible and end it as quickly as I can.

But what if suffering is not only unavoidable but necessary for my happiness? 

The tendency to run away from suffering is there in every one of us. We think that by seeking pleasure we’ll avoid suffering. But this doesn’t work. It stunts our growth and our happiness. Happiness isn’t possible without understanding, compassion, and love. And love is not possible if we don’t understand our suffering and the other person’s suffering.

Getting in touch with suffering will help us cultivate compassion and love. Without understanding and love we can’t be happy, and we can’t make other people happy. We all have the seeds of compassion, forgiveness, joy, and nonfear in us. If we’re constantly trying to avoid suffering, there is no way for these seeds to grow.

Thich Nhat Hanh, Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh

I was raised in the Christian tradition. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to include wisdom from other faiths into my beliefs, along with insight from non-faith-based worldviews. It has expanded, strengthened, and clarified my perspective, while showing me that many traditions say similar things in different ways. 

The above quote by master Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh is one of those insights shared across wisdom traditions—a life dedicated to the avoidance of personal suffering will not lead to happiness. Happiness is a by-product of a life well lived, including meaningful work and helping to alleviate the suffering of others.

This doesn’t mean we should seek suffering. Suffering has a way of finding us without our help. Ending our unnecessary or self-induced suffering is a worthy endeavor. But a life committed to avoiding suffering is doomed to produce anxiety not peace, fear not contentment, emptiness not meaning, sadness not hope. Consider our relationships, physical health, and careers—if we avoid hard conversations, uncomfortable workouts, and studying or practicing for our profession, the results will be disastrous and not produce the happiness we’re looking for.

So find your passion. Help others. Live with purpose. Face the suffering that your intentional living brings. You’ll experience greater peace, contentment, and joy, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

Text excerpt from Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh by Thich Nhat Hanh, p 81, compiled and edited by Melvin McLeod, Shambhala Publications 2011

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