I’ve always been fearful.
Along with my childhood fear of our creepy basement and my perfectly rational fear of sharks, a constant nemesis has been my fear of suffering. I hate it. I usually try to avoid it as much as possible and end it as quickly as I can.
But what if suffering is not only unavoidable but necessary for my happiness?
The tendency to run away from suffering is there in every one of us. We think that by seeking pleasure we’ll avoid suffering. But this doesn’t work. It stunts our growth and our happiness. Happiness isn’t possible without understanding, compassion, and love. And love is not possible if we don’t understand our suffering and the other person’s suffering.
Getting in touch with suffering will help us cultivate compassion and love. Without understanding and love we can’t be happy, and we can’t make other people happy. We all have the seeds of compassion, forgiveness, joy, and nonfear in us. If we’re constantly trying to avoid suffering, there is no way for these seeds to grow.
Thich Nhat Hanh, Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh
I was raised in the Christian tradition. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to include wisdom from other faiths into my beliefs, along with insight from non-faith-based worldviews. It has expanded, strengthened, and clarified my perspective, while showing me that many traditions say similar things in different ways.
The above quote by master Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh is one of those insights shared across wisdom traditions—a life dedicated to the avoidance of personal suffering will not lead to happiness. Happiness is a by-product of a life well lived, including meaningful work and helping to alleviate the suffering of others.
This doesn’t mean we should seek suffering. Suffering has a way of finding us without our help. Ending our unnecessary or self-induced suffering is a worthy endeavor. But a life committed to avoiding suffering is doomed to produce anxiety not peace, fear not contentment, emptiness not meaning, sadness not hope. Consider our relationships, physical health, and careers—if we avoid hard conversations, uncomfortable workouts, and studying or practicing for our profession, the results will be disastrous and not produce the happiness we’re looking for.
So find your passion. Help others. Live with purpose. Face the suffering that your intentional living brings. You’ll experience greater peace, contentment, and joy, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
Text excerpt from Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh by Thich Nhat Hanh, p 81, compiled and edited by Melvin McLeod, Shambhala Publications 2011
I had just come off the Great Wall of China and I was freezing. It was an exhilarating experience, walking on a human-made structure over 2,300 years old and 5,500 miles long. A bucket list event for sure. But my friend and I chose to go in January because prices were dirt cheap and the tourist crowds were low. For a reason. It’s really freaking cold in Beijing in January.
That ride pushed “tour bus driver in Beijing” near the top of my list of jobs I would never want. It made driving in New York City feel like a Sunday afternoon jaunt through the countryside. But thanks to the nerve and skill of our stoic driver, we eventually arrived at the tea shop.
I was reminded of this idea while reading a tea meditation exercise by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen master. It was in 
If you are not fully present, you will look around and it will be gone.
So the next time you have a cup of tea or coffee, try to remember to pause. Savor the moment. Be present. Let it serve as a reminder to practicing living in the now throughout your day. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.