Developing a Better You

Tag: true self (Page 16 of 26)

What an Encounter with Goats Taught Me About Personal Development

It wasn’t what I expected to see in a major city like Sacramento. A few weeks ago, I was riding a Jump bike to meet my son for lunch. I crossed the Tower Bridge, then pedaled down the bike path along the Sacramento River, enjoying the view of downtown directly across the water.

Goats along the Sacramento River

And then I saw the goats. Lots of goats. About two hundred goats. I stopped my bike and just stared at them in confusion. Why was there a large herd of goats literally on the edge of bustling modern city? As I watched, they wandering the sloping riverbank, contentedly munching on clumps of tall weeds. A few dogs ran about, keeping the goats in line. A man lounged nearby in a portable chair under a shade tree, his hat pulled low over his eyes. It looked like a scene from the agricultural heartlands in the 1950s, not downtown Sacramento in 2019. I was utterly confused.

Then an article I read awhile ago came back to me. It was about cities using goats for landscaping in hard to reach areas. Suddenly, it all made sense. The city had hired this man to have his goats eat the weeds growing along the steep, rocky riverbank. It was a simple, old school, environmentally friendly way to trim an area not easily reached by modern landscaping equipment.

As I rode away, I realized how often I overlook simple solutions as I try to deal with the “weeds” in my life. The weeds of fear, anxiety, relational problems, exhaustion, stress, identity issues, career uncertainties – they all crop up at one point or another and need to be dealt with. I so easily gravitate toward the latest book, program, or fad that claims to address my problems. But sometimes, all that’s needed is a return to the simple habits I’ve learned but gotten away from. Getting enough sleep. Eating well. Moderate exercise. Maintaining work / life balance. Spending time with friends. Practicing gratitude. Being productive. Having a regular time of meditation / prayer / spiritual reflection. Helping others. Resting. Enjoying a hobby.

I’m not saying that all of the problems we face in our lives can be fixed with these kinds of simple practices. There are some issues that require deeper, more complex techniques to address effectively. But I think we often make the solutions to the “weed problems” in our lives out to be more complicated than necessary. We overthink them when sometimes all that’s needed is a back-to-basics approach. A focus on the fundamentals.

So as you look at pulling the weeds in your life, take a step back. Make sure the simple things are in place first. Go through a mental checklist of basic physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual practices that most of us learned when we were kids. As author Robert Fulghum reminded us, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” You may find that using these old-school goats will take care of a lot of your weeds, and you’ll be on your way to Becoming Yourself.

A Model for Personal Growth: Finding (and Being) a Mentor

Have you ever met someone who’s life you wanted to imitate? For me, his name is Clare. I got to know him because our sons have been best friends since kindergarten. He’s about ten years older than me, and the more we spent time together, the more I was intrigued by him. By his perspective. By his attitude. By his approach to life. By the way he talked about deep things in a casual, approachable way. There was just something about about the freedom, spontaneity, and balance he seemed to have that struck a chord with me.

I started being more intentional during our interactions. I asked open ended questions about life, then listened closely to what he had to say, trying to absorb as much as I could. We talked about raising kids, marriage, careers, faith, money management, death, retirement, serving others, traveling, you name it. He often challenged my thinking without ever pressuring me to change. Clare just offered his perspective and was content to let me do with it what I would.

Some of his beliefs and habits I adopted right away, but there were others I wasn’t ready for. They were too far outside of my mental box. I wasn’t equipped yet to understand or embrace them. As the years have passed and I’ve been exposed to more experiences, ideas, and relationships, I’ve come to embrace more and more of his way of thinking in many areas.

My friendship with Clare gave me a model of what my life could be like. Of what I could be like. He’s been a resource, a sounding board, and a source of wisdom for me over the years. Almost without my realizing it, Clare became a mentor to me.

A younger friend recently reached out to me asking if I’d be a mentor to him. I was honestly very surprised and humbled. After taking some time to think and pray about it, I decided it was something I wanted to do. I shared with him that I certainly don’t have all the answers, but, like Clare did with me, I was willing to give what I have. I told him that my thoughts, feelings, and beliefs on various topics have changed since I was his age twenty years ago. I explained that we might disagree on things and that’s okay. I let him know I was grateful for the opportunity to pass on what I’ve learned and was looking forward to what he will teach me in return.

So how about you? Could you use a “general life” mentor? Is there someone whose life, attitude, and perspective seems different, intriguing, and appealing? If you’re already spending time with that person, be intentional about the questions you ask. Draw them out. Soak up what they have to offer. If they’re not in your regular relational circle, reach out. Make the ask. Be clear about what you’re looking for. If they agree, makes sure you understand and respect their boundaries. Set clear parameters and expectations for the mentorship. For example, my friend and I agreed that, since we live in different states, we would FaceTime over our lunch hour once a week. We gave each other permission to share what we discussed with our spouses unless one of us specifically asked to keep something between us. That kind of clarity saves confusion and hurt feelings.

On the other side of the coin, are you living a life that would prepare you for being a mentor? Are you becoming a person that people notice because, in a good way, you stand out from the crowd? Does your life have something to say? I’m not talking about being arrogant or advertising yourself as a mentor, though professional life coaches definitely have their place. I’m saying that if you’ve worked steadily at personal development over a long period of time, it’s natural that you’d have something to offer other people who are attempting to walk the same path. If you are living in an open and real way in day-to-day relationships with people who are in different seasons of life, you may be asked to be a mentor. You can’t control that of course, but you can control the person you’re becoming. In addition, you could volunteer at one of a wide variety of organizations looking for people to serve as mentors of different types (check volunteermatch.org for opportunities near you).

My mentor Clare

I believe one reason to work hard at personal development is to attain a better quality of life for yourself. I think a second is to help provide a better quality of life for others. That’s why I said yes to mentoring my friend. That’s why I write this blog. As Clare was generous in sharing his life with me, I want to do the same for others however I can.

So ask yourself these questions:

  1. Is there someone who could be a mentor in your life?
  2. Are you working steadily at becoming a person others would look to for mentoring? Are there ways you could mentor someone now?

Be honest with your answers. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Want a Better Life? Take a Moment to “Clean the Glass”

The sliding glass door was filthy. Our apartment’s balcony has a great park view, but Sacramento’s rainy season had given the door a film of splotchy dust. I stared at it for weeks thinking, “I really should clean that.” Every time, I shrugged my mental shoulders and thought, “It’s good enough.”

About a week ago, I had a little time between commitments, and the slider door once again caught my eye. I decided I’d put it off long enough and finally took fifteen minutes to clean the glass. The difference was amazing. The view became so vibrant and clear that I couldn’t stop looking at it. And of course, the thought that went through my head was, “That was so worth it. Why did I put this off for so long?”

The view from our apartment balcony

How often have I done the same thing with my personal growth? I know there are things that need a little work – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual windows that have gotten dirty through the rainy seasons of life. Areas that need attention. But when I look at them all, I get overwhelmed. I feel paralyzed, so I put off doing anything. I rationalize and say, “Good enough.” My friendships are “good enough.” My physical health is “good enough.” My level of fear and anxiety is “good enough.” My relationship with God is “good enough.” But a “good enough” perspective won’t get me the life I really want.

I’m not talking about perfectionism or chasing an unrealistic ideal. I’ve fallen into that trap before, and it just leads to feeling like a failure most of the time. And I don’t mean a measurement of personal worth either, as in whether or not I am “good enough.” I believe my worth and personal identity comes from who I am, or more specifically, whose I am – God’s child. Regardless of what you base those things on, that’s a different category than what I’m talking about here.

As I did with cleaning the slider door, I’ve procrastinated taking personal growth steps so many times. Like finding a new place to volunteer helping people who are struggling with homelessness. I had an organization in Phoenix I regularly worked with, but I’ve put off starting up again since I moved to Sacramento. I’d gotten out of the habit. I told myself I was too busy. Too tired. In reality, I was scared to try someplace new. Eventually, I told myself to volunteer just once with a local group I’d read about. I finally did, and I loved it.

I needed to break down my bigger goal of helping to address the homeless crisis in Sacramento into smaller steps and then tell myself I only needed to take the first one. Now the feeling of accomplishment motivates me to keep going. As usual, the hardest part was just getting started. Like when I took in the view through clean glass, I wondered why I had put off volunteering for so long.

So what sliding glass door do you need to clean in your life today? It it a mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual one? What small step can you take in just one area? Maybe it’s going for a walk to kickstart your physical goals. Or meditating for 3 minutes with the Calm phone app to work on your anxiety. It might be checking out the website of that church you’ve been meaning to try. Sending that text to a struggling friend you’ve been thinking about. Tidying up that one room. Start small. Do that one thing, then enjoy the beautiful view through the glass. If you do, you’ll take another important step toward Becoming Yourself.

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