It started with this Instagram post by my wife Lisa:
I loved her simple, compact list of positive things that happened in our family over the past year. It got me thinking about how a short reflection on the previous year could positively shape my personal development focus for the year to come.
Here is a simple “finish the sentences” exercise that can help you have a better, more focused new year. Spend just one minute completing each of these thoughts:
1. Looking back over last year, I’m so glad that I…
2. Looking back over last year, I wish I had…
For example, I finished these sentences like this:
1. Looking back over last year, I’m so glad that I…
a. finished my first novel
b. moved from a house in Arizona to an apartment in California
c. changed careers from a musician to a writer
d. sold most of my possessions and went (relatively) minimalist
2. Looking back over last year, I wish I had…
a. called my parents more often
b. volunteered combating homelessness more often
c. journaled
d. written more blog posts
How would you complete those sentences? Maybe your “glad” list would include things like “took that new job,” “quit smoking,” or “started that hobby.” Maybe your “wish” list would have things like “spent more time with friends,” “forgave my brother,” or “read more books and watched less TV.”
Whatever makes your lists, let the feelings of both satisfaction and regret this exercise generates motivate you to make better decisions in the coming year. Allow them to be lenses through which you evaluate new opportunities. Have them serve as guides that help you navigate the sea of choices you’ll face. Remember how good you feel about your accomplishments and your disappointment over your missteps. Commit to take actions that will lengthen next year’s “glad” list and shorten your “wish” list. If you do, you’ll take another big New Year’s step toward Becoming Yourself.
I was listening to Brynn Elliott sing Might Not Like Me on the radio when I realized something – this catchy pop song highlights a combination of two apparently conflicting characteristics needed for personal growth. At first glance, they may appear to create an oxymoron – a phrase that seems inherently contradictory, like jumbo shrimp, deeply superficial, or definitely maybe. But a closer look shows that definition really doesn’t apply. So what false oxymoron does this song reveal that I believe is key to Becoming Yourself? Humble confidence. Take a look at the first verse and chorus:
Brynn is both humble enough to admit her mistakes AND confident enough to own her strengths. In the verse, she’s humbly apologetic for anything she did to contribute to the breakdown of the relationship. When she does confidently acknowledge a superior ability, like running, she humbly points out that it’s not important. In the chorus, she goes pretty much all confidence, which I think is great. It sounds like the guy deserves it for being petty and insecure.
Listening to this song got me thinking about how a combination of humility AND confidence is needed for personal growth. Without humility, we become arrogant and unaware of our weak spots. Without confidence, we lack the necessary belief in our own value and ability to achieve our self-improvement goals. But with the right balance, we can have both the humility we need to acknowledge and work on our growth edges while also having the confidence to enjoy and build on our strengths.
