For most of my life I’ve felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Not giving enough money to charities. Not spending enough time developing relationships. Not doing enough to serve others. Not working enough on my own heath and well-being. Every TV commercial showing a child in need made me feel guilty. Every article about diet, exercise or sleep habits made me feel like I was failing. Every book on relationships made me feel like I was falling short of being a good husband, father, friend, or neighbor.
These feelings led me to ask some hard questions: how do I balance all the competing demands in my life? How do I choose to live in a world where there is so much need? How do I spend my time, energy, and money? I felt overwhelmed by the “should do” lists in my life.
Then I discovered an old spiritual practice called A Rule of Life. In simple terms, it’s choosing a list of actions to take in each area of your life. And here’s the beauty of it – if you’re doing those things, you can let yourself off the hook. No more guilt for not doing more!
So what does a Rule of Life look like? Every Rule will be different since it’s personal to you but generally it should be SHORT, SPECIFIC, PRACTICAL, and MEASURABLE. Here are some examples from mine:
1. PHYSICAL – I will average 8 hours of sleep a night, run 20 minutes a day 5 times a week, and eat a low-carb diet focused on minimizing sugar.
2. FINANCIAL – I will fund my retirement plan and give at least 10% of my income to charities I believe in.
3. RELATIONAL – I will spend 4+ evenings a week hanging out with my wife, have lunch once a week with my accountability partner, and get together with a group of friends at least once a month.
4. SPIRITUAL – I will spend 45-60 minutes praying / reading / meditating / hanging out with God 6 mornings a week.
5. SERVING OTHERS – I will volunteer 1-2x per month at Furnishing Dignity (an awesome local organization that provides furniture for people transitioning from homelessness).
As you can see from my list, this is not complicated. The goal of a personal Rule of Life is simply clarifying for yourself how you’re going to spend your resources of time, energy, and money. It’s living on purpose vs. drifting along. It’s being proactive vs. reactive. It’s naming specific actions that will help you live out what you say is important to you.
I’ve found that having a simple Rule of Life frees me from a lot of stress and guilt. Sometimes things that aren’t on my list come up that I feel I need to do. That’s ok. And when circumstances in my life change, I update my Rule. But having this baseline has made me happier, more peaceful, and more productive.
So how about you? What categories and action steps would make your list? Take 10 minutes to write out a simple Rule of Life. Implement your new choices one at a time. Celebrate your small victories. Share your Rule of Life with someone who can encourage you and hold you accountable. Enjoy the increase in your peace and productivity! If you do, you’ll take another big step toward Becoming Yourself.
————————————————————
For more info on a Rule of Life, check out:
1. Instructions for Developing a Personal Rule of Life – this is a 3 page PDF on making your own Rule of Life. It has a spiritual focus but the overall principles and tips are helpful for non-faith based Rules as well.
2. The Spiritual Disciplines Handbook by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun – a good, easy to read book with 3-4 page entries on a variety of spiritual disciplines including A Rule of Life.
3. The Rules of Life: A Personal Code for Living a Better, Happier, More Successful Kind of Life by Richard Templar – full disclosure, this one I haven’t read but it came up in my research and thought it looked worth passing along.
I had just come off the Great Wall of China and I was freezing. It was an exhilarating experience, walking on a human-made structure over 2,300 years old and 5,500 miles long. A bucket list event for sure. But my friend and I chose to go in January because prices were dirt cheap and the tourist crowds were low. For a reason. It’s really freaking cold in Beijing in January.
That ride pushed “tour bus driver in Beijing” near the top of my list of jobs I would never want. It made driving in New York City feel like a Sunday afternoon jaunt through the countryside. But thanks to the nerve and skill of our stoic driver, we eventually arrived at the tea shop.
I was reminded of this idea while reading a tea meditation exercise by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Zen master. It was in 
If you are not fully present, you will look around and it will be gone.
So the next time you have a cup of tea or coffee, try to remember to pause. Savor the moment. Be present. Let it serve as a reminder to practicing living in the now throughout your day. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
In honor of Thanksgiving week, I want to share a simple, quick practice I’ve developed over the years that helps me be happy. It’s a way to put my mind on a positive track vs. dwelling on the inevitable frustrations, difficulties and disappointments that life throws my way. Here it is:
2. ANOTHER DAY – I have a neighbor who says “Every day above ground is a good one.” He has a point. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Be thankful for the gift of another 24 hours and the opportunity for a fresh start.
What would you add to this list? Make it personal and be creative. If you’re chasing happiness, try working these 1 minute wonders into your morning and evening routine. If you do, you’ll take another simple step toward Becoming Yourself.