I was munching on a Cornish pasty when it happened. My wife and I were having dinner at an English-style pub with some of her author friends when one of them asked me, “So Matt, how did you decide to become a pastor?”
At first I was surprised. That isn’t a question I typically get from a new acquaintance. He went on to explain that he had toyed with the idea of becoming a Catholic priest when he was younger and wondered what made me choose my career path.
So I told him. When I was a teenager, I was very involved in the youth group at my church. I’d never done anything musical until I was dragged into singing for the dreaded “Teen Talent Night” service my youth pastor organized. Shortly after that debut performance, our group went camping for a week during the summer before my senior year in high school. On the return trip we put on a Sunday night youth service for a small country church in Indiana. My youth pastor spontaneously asked me to sing during the service, and I nervously obliged.
After the service was over, we were packing up the van for the ride home, and I happened to be the last one in the auditorium. I shut off the lights and was about to leave when I got the strange sense that I should stay. Hesitantly, I went down to the altar at the front of the room and knelt. I waited in silence, alone in the dark, not really knowing why I was there.
What happened next is something I’ve never been able to explain. I know this will sound really strange, even ludicrous, to many of you, but the best way I can describe it is this: God showed up. The presence of something, of Someone, vast and grand and powerful and wonderful and awe-inspiring fell on me like a brick. I was staggered by the intensity of the Otherness. I managed a one word prayer: “Music?” A wave of peace, a flood of affirmation, washed over me. Then the presence faded. I stood up and walked slowly out to the van knowing my calling was to perform music for God.
A year later, I showed up as a freshman at Calvin College determined to be a vocal performance major. But there were a few problems. I was not very good at singing and completely clueless about music. I had some raw talent, but my experience was minimal and my training close to zero. I was immediately over my head and soon far behind in my classes. My declared major required me to be in one of the three choirs on campus, but I got cut from all of them. Even the “if-you-can-sing-in-the-shower” choir. I had music professors pat me on the knee and tell me I was a nice kid but I would never make it. Their advice was for me to switch majors.
Two things saved me. The first was Professor Carl Kaiser, the head of the vocal department. For some strange reason, he believed in me when no one else did. The second was the strength of my calling experience in that little church. I knew at a deep, core level that this was what I supposed to do. I clung to that belief, dug in, and clawed my way through my freshman year. After dropping some classes and getting a special music tutor, I began making some progress. By the end of that first exhausting year, I was caught up and in a choir. I went on to excel in the program and graduated with a music degree in vocal performance.
Me singing at Cardinal Stadium in Arizona
The years that followed have been nothing I could have ever predicted. I’ve toured as a musician and sung in places as varied as Austria, on a cruise ship, at the International Twins Convention (yes, that’s a real thing) and in an NFL stadium packed with 53,000 people. I’ve been a music pastor at various churches in Michigan and Arizona for 25 years. It’s been an amazing and incredibly fulfilling ride.
I share that story so I can ask you these questions: What’s your calling? What do you feel deep down that you were made to do? I realize that few people are as fortunate as I was to have that “burning bush” experience, but do you have a sense of passion for something that you can’t get away from? Are you pursuing it? If not, what steps can you take to follow your dream? What’s holding you back?
If you’re really honest, the biggest hurdle to living out your calling is probably fear. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of financial insecurity, fear of what other may think. You’re not alone in that struggle. That said, please realize what those fears are stealing from you. George Addair said “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” Are you willing to take a risk, face what frightens you and chase your calling? To do what you are meant to do? To become who you are meant to be?
If you need some guidance and encouragement, check out The Crossroads of Should and Must: Find and Follow Your Passion by Elle Luna. It’s a colorful, graphic-filled guide to discovering and pursuing your calling. I found it motivating, helpful and easy to read.
It’s important to know that callings can change over time. Maybe you once had a clear sense of what you were meant to do with your life, but now you’re in a new season. It might be time to search again. I’ve been going through that process over the last few years. I’m cutting back on my musical involvements to free up time and energy to pursue my lifelong desire to become a writer. I started with this blog and have just finished my first novel. It’s been a wonderful, scary, and exhilarating change.
My goal for this blog is to share things I’ve learned in hopes that it will help people become better versions of themselves. If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re on a personal development path. Doing what you were meant to do is a significant part of that journey. So look inside. Find your calling. Chase after it with everything you have. If you do, you’ll take a huge step toward Becoming Yourself.
Photo credit: jamiehinesphoto.com (all photos of me singing except at the stadium)