Day and night. Work and play. Hot and cold. Love and hate. Sorrow and joy. Sun and rain. Vegetables and cheesecake. It’s a lesson that’s built into nearly every aspect of life. The world we live in is made up of a series of balanced opposites, holding each other in necessary, life-giving tension. It’s a dance, a system of give and take, of harmony, one we fight against at our peril. If any one of these couplets become too one-sided, our life becomes out of balance and bad things are the result.
So what does this have to do with personal development? In order to become the person we want to be, we must balance ACTION and CONTEMPLATION. My philosophy teaching father always says when discussing something important, “define your terms”. So what do I mean by “action” and “contemplation” in regards to personal development?
ACTION – this is our “outer work.” It’s taking our love for others and our gratitude for the good things in our lives and turning them into activities that help people in practical, meaningful ways.
CONTEMPLATION – this is our “inner work.” It’s having the courage to look honestly at who we really are and engage in practices that help us grow.
As you read those definitions, which did you identify with most strongly? We all have a natural leaning one way or the other. I personally gravitate more toward contemplation. I set aside time every morning for reflection, meditation, prayer, and personal growth reading. I enjoy introspection, trying to figure out who I am and how I’m wired. But I struggle with action. I feel deeply for other people’s suffering, but it takes intentionality and effort to step outside of myself to act on those feelings. Both are necessary, but it’s hard to find the balance.
So what does it look like to live with a healthy balance of ACTION and CONTEMPLATION? Sometimes examining the life of someone we admire can help. Pick your favorite example. Maybe it’s Martin Luther King Jr. or Gandhi or Mother Teresa. Maybe it’s a parent, a friend, or a favorite aunt. How do (did) they strike this balance in their lives? What can you learn from them?
My favorite example is Jesus. Regardless of your beliefs on his divinity, I think there’s a lot we can all learn from how he lived. The first four books of the Bible’s New Testament (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) paint an amazing picture of the way Jesus balanced action and contemplation. His ministry was filled with practical actions of healing the sick, teaching those who were searching for direction, training his disciples, challenging corrupt systems, and caring for the poor. At the same time, he regularly spent time away from the crowds to study, reflect, and pray (as a boy in the temple in Luke 2:41-51, forty days in the wilderness in Matthew 4:1-11, after feeding five thousand people in John 6:14-15, etc.).
So when it comes to balancing ACTION and CONTEMPLATION in your life, what’s one thing you can do to develop the side that’s less natural to you?
If it’s ACTION, maybe you need to step out and volunteer for a cause you believe in. Try a school or a food bank or a club or a church. Go alone or grab a friend or a group from work. Use volunteermatch.org to find opportunities near you searchable by area of interest and commitment level. I’ve used it to volunteer at food banks, a low income housing center, an event connecting homeless people with support organizations, a mens shelter, making heat relief kits, and delivering furniture to people coming out of homelessness. It may take you awhile to find your fit, but stick with it. Trial and error is part of the process.
If it’s CONTEMPLATION, try starting to have a dedicated time for reflection. In the morning, during your lunch break, before bed, whenever you can be consistent. Start like I did many years ago with the “2 / 2 / 2 Plan.” Spend two minutes in silent meditation / reflection, two minutes praying (if you believe in a higher power), and two minutes on some kind of personal development reading (a personal development book or blog, a Bible reading plan like YouVersion, a daily email like The Center for Action and Contemplation, etc.). Once you get in the habit, you can slowly increase over time to “3 / 3 / 3”, “5 / 5 / 5,” etc. Journaling is another great way to spend your reflection and / or prayer time. Use a Word doc, a simple notepad, or a guided journal like A Happier Mind Journal.
One of the amazing things about action and contemplation is that they have a symbiotic relationship where each feeds the other. I learn about myself and find healing through the ACTION of serving others. I’m most effective at serving others from the place of self-knowledge and wholeness gained through CONTEMPLATION. There’s no perfect balance to this. There will be seasons when it’s best to focus on action and others when you need more time in contemplation. That’s normal and okay. This is a lesson to work on for a lifetime.
So which side of ACTION and CONTEMPLATION needs your attention? Complete one small step toward balance today. Take the long view. Give yourself grace. If you do, you’ll be that much closer to Becoming Yourself.
I got a phone call from my sister the other day. We had a long, wide-ranging conversation about everything from the challenges of raising teenagers to how to have a relationship with God. Several times during the call, I suggested books that had helped me in a few of the areas we were discussing. She seemed genuinely interested in hearing about them.
HABITS: 
SPIRITUAL: 
MENTAL: 
SERVING: 
STEP 1: PICK YOUR PASSION – Make sure the change you’re considering is truly something you’re passionate about. It’s easy to fall into the “I should make this change” trap. “I should read more / exercise / loose weight / go to church,” etc. All of those things are great but if your motivation for doing them is really outside pressure then your likelihood of following through is low. Choose a goal about which you can honestly say “I want to make this change.” The odds of you sticking with it when the going gets tough is much higher.
STEP 2: FIND YOUR FOCUS – As admirable as it may be to say “I’m going to loose weight, volunteer at a charity, clean and organize my house, get out of debt, take up painting and end world hunger this year!”, it’s probably not going to happen. The best way to lasting, positive change is to pick just one or two areas that you really want to focus on. If you knock them out early and have the motivation for additional goals later in the year, awesome! You can always add them then.
STEP 3: SET YOUR STRATEGY – Achieving a meaningful goal, even one that you’re passionate about and focused on, can still be a daunting challenge. One great way to make it less overwhelming is to break it into small steps. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Now that you’ve identified your elephant with steps 1 and 2, take a few minutes to make your bite plan. Start with the simple parts (the tail) and let the celebration of those small victories feed your motivation to tackle slightly bigger bites (the legs). By the time you reach the big sections (the body), you’ll be rolling with confidence!
STEP 1: PICKING MY PASSION – An issue I’ve been passionate about for many years is homelessness. There’s a lot of worthy causes out there but for some reason this one has consistently hit my heart. I want to do something this year to help people who are homeless. I’ve chosen a clear passion.
STEP 2: FINDING MY FOCUS – This one is tough for me because I like to work on improving a lot of different aspects of my life simultaneously. But, along with some “next step” goals from things I focused on last year (getting an agent for my recently finished first novel and continuing to conquer my inner pack rat by decluttering), I’m choosing to concentrate on finding a way to help those struggling with homelessness in my new part-time city of Sacramento (my wife Lisa and I are doing a one year experiment this year of living part-time at our house in Mesa, AZ and part-time in an apartment in Sacramento, CA near our son).
STEP 3: SETTING MY STRATEGY – Homelessness is a big problem in Sacramento. I see people without a place to live virtually everyday. I often feel so unequipped to make any significant difference in such an elephant of a cause. Here’s how I’m attempting to break my goal down into manageable bites:
So how about it? How would you apply these steps to your goals this year? I’d love for you to share your plans in the comment section below. Give these 3 simple steps a try. If you do, you’ll take another big step toward Becoming Yourself.