I’ve been looking in the proverbial mirror lately and asking:
Who am I, and what makes me, me?
I think there are four main elements that explain how I got where I am and provide a roadmap for who I want to become:
1. Nature
My personality. Temperament. Basic physical traits. Talents. Inclinations. Areas of giftedness. My hardwiring. Who I was from day one without my choice or ability to change.
2. Nurture
How I was raised. What I was taught. How I was treated. What was modeled for me. Who I was told I was. Again, this was not my choice and was beyond my control. Good or bad, I can’t change how I was nurtured.
3. Experiences
What has happened to me. Good and bad things that were thrust upon me. Things I willingly sought out. Unexpected opportunities I seized. People, places, situations and other perspectives I’ve encountered.
4. Responses
How I have chosen or am choosing to react to every experience I’ve had. When bad experiences are forced upon me, do I cling to a victim mentality or do I seek the help I need to grow, forgive and move on? When I’m exposed to another worldview, do I retreat to my comfortable preconceptions, or am I open to allowing my convictions to change? Healthy responses aren’t easy, but am I doing my best to choose them in every situation? Am I developing the skills and stamina I need to improve my reactions?
These four components have been major building blocks in forming who I am. They light the path to who I want to be. The only things that are truly in my control are the experiences I seek and how I choose to respond to ALL of my experiences, past, present and future.
So who are you really? Look back on your life. What is your nature? How were you nurtured? What experiences were forced upon you? Don’t beat yourself up over things beyond your control, but choose to address them in a healthy way. What experiences did you seek out? What unexpected opportunities have you seized? Acknowledge the impact of your choices, both positive and negative. Search for new experiences with growth potential. Choose mindfully how you respond to all your experiences. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.
I’m a Mac fan but don’t actually know much about computers. If my laptop can quickly and reliably let me email, do word processing and get me to Netflix, I’m pretty much good to go. I don’t really care about the tech jargon.
I think we’re a lot like computers. We all have a variety of surface level “applications” to our lives. Like software programs, these are the things that we and others can easily see – our careers, accomplishments, talents, relationships, etc. An engineer. A college graduate. An artist. A parent. A spouse.
What if instead we based our identity on our Operating System? On our True Self, who we are deep inside, that part of us that doesn’t change no matter what label we wear? For me, that’s a person created, known and loved by God. That identity is secure. It provides a strong foundation, giving me a sense of assurance and peace that, no matter what changes life throws my way, I know who I am.
What about you? Maybe God isn’t your thing. That’s okay. This question of true identity is the same for all of us. When you dig deeper, beneath the various roles you play, what do you find? What’s your unchanging OS, your True Self, that foundational identity you can always depend on? Find that and you’re on your way to Becoming Yourself.