Make Curveballs Your Friends: 3 Steps to Embracing Change

Let’s play a game. Just relax and be honest about what you feel when you read each of the following words:

Ice cream.

Work.

Family.

Sunday.

Change.

What did you feel when you read the word “change”? Maybe you got excited because change is something you generally enjoy. Maybe your stomach sank because change is something you try to avoid. Whichever best describes you, most of us have a strong reaction to the idea of change.

I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately. I’m in the process of changing careers, changing the state I live in, changing my relationship circles, changing from a rural house to a city apartment, changing from having many possessions to having few.

Over the years, I’ve learned some things that have helped me to process change well. To make it a friend vs. an enemy. Since disruption is an inevitable, even necessary, part of life for all of us, here’s a three-step process for getting the most out of change:

1. GRIEVE WELL 

Virtually all change involves an element of loss. This is obvious with hard, unwelcome change, like the passing of a loved one. In my 25 years as a music pastor, I participated in countless funerals. I’ve seen some people desperately avoid, deny, or bury their grief, to their great detriment. I’ve watched others walk through it courageously, acknowledging and embracing their pain, and take the first steps toward healing. But even positive change, like getting your dream job, has an element of grief. It may mean saying goodbye to co-workers you care about or leaving part of your former work that was meaningful or enjoyable. Whatever your circumstance, the first step to processing change is to grieve well.

2. MARK THE MOMENT

When going through significant change, it helps to mark the moment. Find a way to acknowledge the impact of the transition. This is part of the role of a funeral – it’s a ceremony that allows you to recognize an important shift has taken place. But honoring a disruption doesn’t need to be a solemn affair. It can be a celebration, like a wedding, that puts a stamp on a transition with joy. Whatever the change, step two is finding a way to mark the moment.

3. PURSUE THE POSSIBILITIES

Change almost always opens new doors. After grieving well and marking the moment, take some time to reflect. What options are available to you now that weren’t possible before? What new options do you have with your time, energy, or money? What passions can you now chase after? Maybe it’s taking a trip or a starting a new hobby or getting to those long delayed home projects or volunteering or working toward a new career or investing more time in meaningful relationships. This is the flip side of acknowledging the loss brought about by change. It’s allowing yourself to dream and then choosing to pursue the possibilities.

Here are a few examples of how I’ve used this process in my own life:

Santorini, Greece

1. THE EMPTY NEST

When Lisa and I dropped our youngest child off at college, that was a huge change for us. We had become empty nesters. I remember unabashedly weeping over my breakfast in the middle of a restaurant the next day, then feeling sad and lonely for a week. That was me grieving well. We decided to mark the moment by taking a trip to Greece. We celebrated our new season of life by driving four-wheelers around the island of Santorini and snorkeling in the Aegean Sea. When we got home, I pursued the possibilities through diving into some de-cluttering projects around the house and starting to write again.

2. THE BIG MOVE

The view from our new apartment

Recently, we moved from a large, rural house in Arizona where we lived for nine years to a smaller, city apartment in California. In the process we decided to let go of both vehicles and most of our possessions in a massive de-cluttering. On one of my last days in Arizona, I wandered slowly through each room of the house, thinking of what had happened there with our family over the years. I looked at all the items we were leaving behind and let the memories come as they would. It was my time of grieving well. A few days later in California, Lisa and I watched the live estate sale auction at our Arizona house via webcast. We saw our belongings get auctioned off to strangers wandering around our old home. It was our way of marking the moment. Now I’m enjoying the simpler and less stressful life of being in a clutter-free, no maintenance, easy to clean apartment that we love in our new walkable home city. I’m pursuing the possibilities by using my extra time to work on my second novel. 

So how about you? What changes are you facing? Rather than dreading or avoiding them, why not try this 3 step process for yourself? Grieve well. Mark the moment. Pursue the possibilities. If you do, you’ll take another huge step toward Becoming Yourself.