My dear friend and fellow blogger Susan Stocker recently wrote something that I felt was so important and timely that I decided to share it. In lieu of my own words this week, please take a few moments to read hers and subscribe to her inspiring, encouraging, and challenging blog here. I bolded the lines that especially spoke to me.

Sometimes, something is so unique that it defies comparison, labels or categories. This stunning picture is an example of that.

Most of the time, however, we think and talk in a very dangerous and harmful shorthand: stereotyping. When we group together “All” of anything, from people with the same color hair, to folks who drive the same car, to those who share an occupation or an opinion or a classification, we are stereotyping. Stereotyping is a “thought distortion.” In other words, we are thinking incorrectly when we don’t differentiate individual redheads from all redheads, or individual lawyers from all lawyers. We are wrong. Every time.

Nothing is more prominent these days than stereotyping:

All politicians are crooked.

All Republicans are racists and bigots.

All Democrats are socialists and communists.

All police officers . . . All Muslims . . .All southerners. . . 

It is intellectual laziness to group and dismiss. People never stereotype positively, only negatively. I’ve never heard anyone say, “All hairdressers are artistic and talented. All Hispanics are hard-working.” No, the grouping and the generalizations are always negative. And they are always wrong.

If you were bitten by a dog, you will be tempted to say, “I hate dogs.” How can that possible be true? You had a bad experience with ONE dog and decided to throw out the entire canine population?

I mention this now, particularly, because it causes so much hate and misunderstanding when we talk about “immigrants” or “lobbyists” or “mega-churches” and draw a “One Fits All” conclusion. 

For those of us trying to live in peace, catching ourselves when we stereotype is a great step toward exchanging our golf shoes for ballet slippers; we walk more gently through life. Giving up stereotyping increases our ability to be heard and to be able to have a discussion instead of an argument.

Catching others when they stereotype is a legitimate, non-aggressive conversational tool. “Wait. You said, ‘All politicians.’ That is unlikely, unproveable and does not pass my fact checker. That’s a stereotype and a generalization.”

Every profession, every nationality, every hair color, every dog is different and unique. All of us, when threatened or scared, are likely to bite. All of us stray from the moral high ground some of the time. All of us have spells of being ditzy or fiery, whether we have blonde hair or red hair. 

One fundamental criteria of talking the high road and following our North Star is not judging. There is no more contaminated form of judgment than stereotyping.

Here’s to our piece of peace this week: no stereotyping, given or received.

Love to each of my unique and individual friends — Susan

Susan Stocker is a blogger, novelist, and Marriage and Family Therapist with Masters degrees in Communication and Counseling. She served as a mental health ambassador to China in 1998 and has volunteered with the Alzheimer’s Association, American Cancer Society, and many other organizations. Her published works include Only Her Naked Courage (2013), Heart 1.5 (2013), The Many Faces of Anxiety (2013), The Many Faces of PTSD (2010), and Heart (1981), as well as her blog The Many Faces of PTSD (manyfacesofptsd.wordpress.com). She is on a lifelong journey toward Becoming Herself. You can contact her at sraustocker@yahoo.com.