Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 20 of 49)

Want to Achieve Your Dreams? Just Keep Showing Up

The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

thomas edison

Since childhood, I’ve dreamed of becoming a published author.

Growing up, I read voraciously and enjoyed creative writing. I thought how amazing it would be if someday other people enjoyed my stories the way I loved those penned by the authors I idolized. But in high school, I decided to pursue music. Three years ago, I left a twenty-six year career as a profession musician to chase my long-delayed writing dream.

Things started off surprisingly well. Having my wife Lisa McMann, a highly successful NY Times bestselling author, as my writing coach gave me a huge leg up. The first book I wrote, which I thought would be a throw-away practice novel, landed me a great literary agent. After he helped me improve the manuscript, the first editor he pitched it to liked it. After I did a revised draft for her, she took it to her team to build support. I was amazed. This was going to happen!

And then it didn’t. Her team had mixed feelings about my book, and she passed on it. While disappointed, I was still optimistic. If it got that close on the first try, surely my book would quickly sell to someone else, right? Wrong. All the editors in the next round said no. Then all the editors in in the round after that. A year later, I had a list of rejections as long as my arm.

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

harriet beecher stowe

Following my wife’s advice, I had continued writing during that submission period and had finished my second novel. My agent thought my writing had improved, so he stopped pitching my first book and began sending out my second. Again, nothing but a steady stream of rejections came my way. I struggled to maintain any hope as I regularly read the announcements of book deals for other authors. How would my writing ever stand out? How could I ever break through? The odds seemed insurmountable.

Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.

Winston Churchill

My published author friends were incredibly encouraging. Kevin Sands shared that his first three books did nothing before his hugely popular Blackthorn Key series. He told me, “Perseverance, more than anything, is what wins the day.” Anna-Marie McLemore told me that their first seven books didn’t sell. But they kept going, kept pursuing their dream. Time magazine recently named their book Blanca and Roja among the top 100 fantasy novels of all time and When the Moon Was Ours as one of the the world’s most influential young adult novels.

You just can’t beat the person who won’t give up.

babe ruth

So I kept going. Kept watching author craft videos. Kept learning. Kept writing. Kept editing. I wrote a third novel, then a fourth, which was my agent’s favorite. He paused sending out my second book and submitted my fourth to an editor.

A few weeks later, it happened. I got the call. I had an offer. Now I have my first book deal with Penguin Random House Publishers (that’s all I able to share publicly at this point; I’ll post more details when I can). I’m going to be a published author!

It always seems impossible until it’s done.

nelson mandela

So what’s your dream? Is it a career change, mastering a new skill, or going on an adventure in an exotic destination? Have you been told it’s impossible? That you’re not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough? Is it a passing fancy or a deep, long-lasting desire? How brightly does your passion burn? Map a course. Take the first step. Build a habit. When you fall, get up. Start again. Focus on your goal. Your dream may be just around the corner. The outcome is not guaranteed, but what in life is? Fortune favors those who keep showing up. At worst, you’ll live a life in pursuit of your dream. At best, it will come true. Either way, you’ll take giant leaps toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Meaning in Your Pain with a Broken Window

During a recent road trip, I was walking the back stairwell of our hotel when this window caught my eye.

Either by accident or with intent, something had hit the window hard enough to break it, but not enough to make it collapse. At first, I thought it was a shame that this lovely window had been disfigured.

But then I looked closer. The intricate pattern of cracks was actually really interesting. Beautiful even. The wandering lines created a thousand individual pieces that formed one unique whole, like an uncolored stained glass window. It was not what it had been—the impact had changed it into something new.

That got me thinking about my own life. When an unexpected event, accident or tragedy comes along, my first reaction is often despair. This is not what I wanted. I see a hassle, a mistake, a broken dream. The beautiful life picture I’d imagined is now covered with cracks. Without my consent, my plan has been changed. I’ve been changed.

But on a closer look, usually after some time has passed, I often see something else. Something good. While they are not what I would have chosen, my scars tell a powerful story. Make a beautiful pattern. If I let them, they make me wiser, kinder, more compassionate. They allow me to understand, connect with and help others who have had their lives broken too.

So when life throws a rock against your heart’s window, nurse your wounds. Allow yourself to grieve. Say a grateful goodbye to the you that was. Then look deeper. See the beauty in your scars. Allow them to make you better instead of bitter. Let them show, and share your story. Reach out to those who find themselves similarly broken. If you do, you’ll find meaning in your pain and take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

How to Be Happy: Someone to Love, Something to Do, Something to Look Forward To

Sometimes numbers matter.

For my 150th post, I’ve decided to share about a much more important number—30. That’s how many years my wife Lisa and I have been married (thanks for putting up with me this long, buddy).

To celebrate, we decided to buy my father-in-law’s 2007 Pontiac G6 convertible in Michigan and drive it home to Arizona. We lived happily without a vehicle for the last three-and-a-half years, but the time felt right to own one again. Lisa has always wanted a convertible, and this little red beauty is a fun symbol of a great thirty-year run.

We turned the road trip into a book tour for Lisa’s upcoming novel, Clarice the Brave. It’s a middle-grade seafaring adventure about sibling mice who get separated and vow to find each other. This is the best book she’s ever written, and as she’s a many-times-over NY Times bestselling author of 26 books, that’s saying something. Along with stopping at numerous books stores, we hit national parks and other landmarks along with way.

This anniversary trip reminds me of an old quote by Alexander Chalmers about three things humans need to be happy: someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. While not an exhaustive list, I think that holds true. It certainly did in this case. The trip celebrated our love for each other. Planning it together gave us both something meaningful to do. And the adventure was something we really looked forward to. Not a bad recipe for happiness.

Could you use a happiness boost? Look at the three parts of the recipe. Do you have someone to love? This could be a good friend, close family member, even a pet. Do you have something meaningful to do? It might be your career, a hobby you’re passionate about or helping others. Do you have something to look forward to? Maybe it’s a get away or spending time with a loved one or the start or completion of an important goal. Take inventory. Be honest with what you find. Do something to jumpstart one of those areas today. If you do, your happiness will begin to rise, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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