Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 3 of 49)

Find Healing by Sharing Your Weaknesses

I recently published a post about being more transparent with my weaknesses. When I came across the following excerpt from the writings of Henri Nouwen, I decided to share it as a follow up on this theme of vulnerability in hopes that it helps you take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Over the last few years I have been increasingly aware that true healing mostly takes place through the sharing of weakness. Mostly we are so afraid of our weaknesses that we hide them at all cost and thus make them unavailable to others but also often to ourselves. And, in this way, we end up living double lives even against our own desires: one life in which we present ourselves to the world, to ourselves, and to God as a person who is in control and another life in which we feel insecure, doubtful, confused, and anxious and totally out of control. The split between these two lives causes us a lot of suffering. I have become increasingly aware of the importance of overcoming the great chasm between these two lives and am becoming more and more aware that facing, with others, the reality of our existence can be the beginning of a truly free life.

It is amazing in my own life that true friendship and community became possible to the degree that I was able to share my weaknesses with others. Often I became aware of the fact that in the sharing of my weaknesses with others, the real depths of my human brokenness and weakness and sinfulness started to reveal themselves to me, not as a source of despair but as a source of hope. As long as I try to convince myself or others of my independence, a lot of my energy is invested in building up my own false self. But once I am able to truly confess my most profound dependence on others and on God, I can come in touch with my true self and real community can develop.

As shared in the July 27, 2024 Daily Meditation by the Henri Nouwen Society. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

The Appealing Beauty of Your Imperfections

I heard my friend curse. 

Years ago, we’d hired him to install hardwood flooring in our new sun room. He’d missed the nail and left a small hammer mark in the expensive wood. My wife and I assured him that it was fine. We actually like a few dings because it gives the floor character and shows that it’s real. 

I’m working on adopting that perspective for myself. My instinct is to present a faultless, unblemished version of myself to everyone. But that’s not a true picture. It’s not reality. Letting my blemishes and imperfections show makes me more alive, more relatable, more real. The posts where I admit my failings and mistakes regularly get more engagement than my success stories.

It makes sense. With so much fake, filtered, and curated content online, there’s a real hunger for the real, the raw, the unvarnished. We respond to it on a visceral level because we know that’s our personal reality. We’re all lovable, beautiful, and worthy, but we’re also scarred, imperfect creatures with growth edges. Like draws like. Deep calls to deep. Truth satisfies in a way the manufactured never can.

As you consider what to share online and with those around you, drop your guard a little. Open up. Be vulnerable. Be real. Let your cracks show, because, as the saying goes, that’s where your light shines through. If you do, you’ll help create a more honest and meaningful world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Find Real Freedom with “Freedom FROM” + “Freedom FOR”

There are two sides to freedom.

In the US, we recently celebrated the 4th of July, marking the anniversary of freedom from British rule. The early colonists desired freedom FROM a monarchy which called the shots from afar, so they could have freedom FOR a democracy that allowed them to chart their own path. They realized that if they wanted the latter, they needed to break from the former. Their “for” gave clarity and motivation to their “from.”

I recently wrote about my wife and I pursuing our dream of a nomadic life (you can read that post here). I was shocked by the high level of interest. Many of the comments spoke wistfully of the sense of freedom our nomadic goal represented. I want to share about our new season in a hopefully helpful way, which led me to the idea of the dualistic “from” and “for” nature of freedom.

Lisa and I are pursing the nomadic lifestyle because we desire FREEDOM FROM:

1. set schedules

2. mortgages

3. debt

4. maintenance

5. possessions

…to allow FREEDOM FOR:

1. travel

2. research & writing

3. seeing scattered family & friends

4. simplicity

5. flexibility & spontaneity

As we’ve learned from hard experience, getting freedom FROM those things takes intentionality, effort, and perseverance. We needed the clarity of our freedom FOR list to give us the necessary motivation to keep hacking our way toward our dream. 

Here’s an example—a few days ago, we woke at 3:30 am to discover our air conditioner had gone out, despite having it serviced a few months ago. With current highs in Phoenix reaching 114 degrees F and lows in the mid 80s, this was a problem. Not to mention that we are literally days away from closing on the property to begin nomadic living. The irony was not lost on us.

When we learned our AC tech was out of town for the holiday weekend, we took it as a sign and decided to move out early. Starting at 8:00 am, we did all the last-minute washing, packing, and cleaning in the growing heat, then loaded our little red 2007 Pontiac G6 with everything we were taking into our nomadic life, minus the boxes of financial docs, photos, favorite books, and memorabilia we’ve stowed in our daughter’s guest room closet and the two suitcases temporarily stashed at a friend’s house until the roomier SUV we purchased arrives.

Tired and sweaty, we drove to a hotel that afternoon, leaving behind all our furnishings which were thankfully purchased by our condo buyer, eliminating the hassle of selling and donating our remaining possessions. The broken AC, lingering condo closing, and our currently-for-sale rental house keep us from feeling the transition fully, but even with those loose ends, we’re officially living nomadically. When the dust settles, everything we own in the world will be in our daughter’s closet and our compact SUV. It’s an exhausting but thrilling time. Our freedom FROM list is almost completed, and our freedom FOR journey awaits.

When you think about your life, what do want freedom FROM? A bad relationship? An unfulfilling job? Crushing debt? What do you want freedom FOR? Volunteering? Hobbies? Deeper friendships? Reflect on these questions seriously. Discuss them with your inner circle. Get specific with your answers. Write them down. Then let your FOR list motivate you to tackle your FROM list. If you do, you’ll find the freedom you crave, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

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