Developing a Better You

Category: Spirit (Page 4 of 49)

Find Real Freedom with “Freedom FROM” + “Freedom FOR”

There are two sides to freedom.

In the US, we recently celebrated the 4th of July, marking the anniversary of freedom from British rule. The early colonists desired freedom FROM a monarchy which called the shots from afar, so they could have freedom FOR a democracy that allowed them to chart their own path. They realized that if they wanted the latter, they needed to break from the former. Their “for” gave clarity and motivation to their “from.”

I recently wrote about my wife and I pursuing our dream of a nomadic life (you can read that post here). I was shocked by the high level of interest. Many of the comments spoke wistfully of the sense of freedom our nomadic goal represented. I want to share about our new season in a hopefully helpful way, which led me to the idea of the dualistic “from” and “for” nature of freedom.

Lisa and I are pursing the nomadic lifestyle because we desire FREEDOM FROM:

1. set schedules

2. mortgages

3. debt

4. maintenance

5. possessions

to allow FREEDOM FOR:

1. travel

2. research & writing

3. seeing scattered family & friends

4. simplicity

5. flexibility & spontaneity

As we’ve learned from hard experience, getting freedom FROM those things takes intentionality, effort, and perseverance. We needed the clarity of our freedom FOR list to give us the necessary motivation to keep hacking our way toward our dream. 

Here’s an example—a few days ago, we woke at 3:30 am to discover our air conditioner had gone out, despite having it serviced a few months ago. With current highs in Phoenix reaching 114 degrees F and lows in the mid 80s, this was a problem. Not to mention that we are literally days away from closing on the property to begin nomadic living. The irony was not lost on us.

When we learned our AC tech was out of town for the holiday weekend, we took it as a sign and decided to move out early. Starting at 8:00 am, we did all the last-minute washing, packing, and cleaning in the growing heat, then loaded our little red 2007 Pontiac G6 with everything we were taking into our nomadic life, minus the boxes of financial docs, photos, favorite books, and memorabilia we’ve stowed in our daughter’s guest room closet and the two suitcases temporarily stashed at a friend’s house until the roomier SUV we purchased arrives.

Tired and sweaty, we drove to a hotel that afternoon, leaving behind all our furnishings which were thankfully purchased by our condo buyer, eliminating the hassle of selling and donating our remaining possessions. The broken AC, lingering condo closing, and our currently-for-sale rental house keep us from feeling the transition fully, but even with those loose ends, we’re officially living nomadically. When the dust settles, everything we own in the world will be in our daughter’s closet and our compact SUV. It’s an exhausting but thrilling time. Our freedom FROM list is almost completed, and our freedom FOR journey awaits.

When you think about your life, what do want freedom FROM? A bad relationship? An unfulfilling job? Crushing debt? What do you want freedom FOR? Volunteering? Hobbies? Deeper friendships? Reflect on these questions seriously. Discuss them with your inner circle. Get specific with your answers. Write them down. Then let your FOR list motivate you to tackle your FROM list. If you do, you’ll find the freedom you crave, and you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

A Humbling Reminder to Be Kind

The man was surly.

We’d eaten at the restaurant several times. The food was good and the location convenient, but the server was memorable for his sour mood. He’d waited on us before, and each time he radiated the same “I don’t want to be here” vibe. 

This time, my wife discovered a toothpick in her taquito. Fortunately, it didn’t hurt her, and it had obviously been used during preparation before somehow getting rolled up inside. She decided not to say anything. 

We finished our meal and went to the register to pay. As our server rang us up, his gruff demeanor fell away. “I saw the toothpick on your plate. I’m so sorry that happened. I don’t know how it got there, but it was clean, just used in prep.” 

My wife assured him accidents happen and that it was okay. He replied, “Thank you for being a nice person. Most people aren’t. When something goes wrong, they get mad and write bad reviews and hurt our business even more.”

I asked him if he was the owner, and he nodded glumly. I told him I couldn’t imagine how tough it was to run a restaurant. His reply was startlingly honest: “I want to jump off a building. We never recovered from Covid. The rent is too high. We’re just barely getting by.”

We expressed our sympathy, gave him a nice tip, and said our goodbyes. As we drove away, my wife and I discussed how our perspective of the man had changed now that we knew what he was going through. I was reminded of a quote:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

plato

When you come across a difficult person, try to withhold judgement. Remember that you don’t know what struggles they’re facing. The young, checked-out cashier might have just gotten rejected for the scholarship that was her only hope for college. The guy who cut you off in traffic may be a single dad racing home from his third job, trying to see his kids before they fall asleep. The older woman distractedly blocking the grocery aisle with her cart may have just buried her husband of fifty-three years. Give the grace you’d hope to receive when you’re not at your best. If you do, you’ll help create a kinder world, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

The Price of Following a Dream

This might be a really bad idea.

For years, my wife and I have toyed with the notion of becoming nomads. We both love to travel, and as authors, we can work remotely. Our two kids are married and thriving. Other than our friends, our stuff, and our condo, there’s not much tying us to one place.

What if we ditched the mortgage, sold everything, and hit the road?Traveled the country and the world, living in AirBnbs, hotels, with friends and family, writing as we go? Free to live virtually anywhere at anytime—what would that be like?

It’s been an intriguing idea, but the timing never felt right. That’s what we told ourselves anyway. In reality, I lacked the courage.

Until now. 

Lisa and I have each lost a parent in the last eighteen months, which drove home the reality that life is short and the future is not guaranteed. And being in our mid fifties, we’ve lived long enough to learn that deferred dreams have a way of never coming to pass.

So we’re not going to delay any longer. A few months ago, we sold rental house #1. We’re in the process of selling rental house #2. We put our primary residence condo on the market last week, expecting to wait several months for a decent offer. It sold in two days.

Now we’re scrambling. We already took a significant step toward minimalism a number of years ago when we downsized from an oversized, overstuffed house in the suburbs to a one thousand square foot condo. Now we’re going even further. We’re trading in our 2007 two door sedan for a new SUV. Other than some boxes of important documents, treasured memorabilia, and favorite books in a closet at our daughter’s place, everything we own has to fit in our new home on wheels.

While this dream comes with a lot of freedom, flexibility, new experiences, and low fixed expenses, there are some strong downsides—giving up a place we can call our own, set up just the way we like it, that we can return to anytime. The grind of travel. Time away from friends.

Will we love this new life? Hate it? Burn out in six months and choose to buy or rent a full-time home base again? I have no idea. But I find I’m incredibly excited. And proud of us for taking this step into the unknown. Whatever the outcome, we’ll make some great memories and wont have to live with “what if?”

How about you? Do you have a costly dream? Something that would make the people around you scratch their heads? Maybe it’s giving up a lucrative career for an “impractical” one that makes you come alive. Or turning down a relationship that’s perfect-on-paper for someone who simply makes you happy. Or giving up TV and nights out to write that novel that you’ve been mulling for years. Think it through. Plan well. Choose your moment. Breathe deep. Then jump. At worst, you’ll fail while living boldly. At best, you’ll discover previously unknown heights of joy and fulfillment. Either way, you’ll take a giant leap toward Becoming Yourself.

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