Developing a Better You

Category: Relationships (Page 1 of 14)

Want to Live Your Dream? Find Real Life Examples

I’m a routine guy.

I thrive in habits. This can be a real strength, as I’m good at sticking with things like exercise, meditation, and scheduled relational connections. 

But that tendency has a significant drawback—I struggle to think outside the box, see the bigger picture, imagine unique possibilities. Fortunately, my wife Lisa is great at that, a trait that I’ve benefited from significantly in our thirty-three years of marriage.

A fountain at Chapultepec Park in Mexico City

About eight years ago, Lisa pitched an out-of-the-box idea—what if we didn’t have a permanent home base, but lived in short term rentals across the country and around the world? My routine-loving brain almost exploded. That said, we did love travel, and I had almost completed the transition from my music career to full-time writing, so it was at least conceivable.

The more we talked about this idea of becoming digital nomads (a term we were completely ignorant of then), the more intrigued I became. But the thought still terrified me. It was too strange, too outside the norm, too spontaneous for me to seriously consider. 

A ceiling fresco in the National Museum of History in Mexico City

Around that time, we went to dinner with some old friends while visiting Michigan. Clare and Darcy are a few years older than us, close enough in age to have a lot in common, but far enough into the next season of life to have insights we lack. After Clare had a serious health scare, they both retired to live their dream—they built a small, low-maintenance house for a home base, then started living abroad for large chunks of the year in Mexico, Spain, and France. 

At dinner, we peppered them with questions about their new lifestyle. As they shared their experiences, a clearer picture of our nomadic dream began to take shape, one that seemed far less daunting

The rooftop of the National Museum of History in Mexico City

In the following years, Lisa and I continued to brainstorm about the transition to nomadic living. Whenever we could, we met with Clare and Darcy, and gleaned more from their experiences.

In early 2024, we decided we were finally ready. We started the arduous process of selling both our rental houses, our primary residence condo, and most of our possessions. I shared about our plans online, partly to make it harder for me to back out. A friend saw my post and told us about a fantastic nomadic living newsletter on Substack called Brent and Michael Are Going Places, which gave us a bonanza of practical info. 

On July 4, 2024, we drove away from our Phoenix condo for the last time to begin our nomadic journey. We’re now eight months in and loving it. While this lifestyle has its challenges, the benefits of freedom, seeing the world, spending more time with loved ones, and a lower cost of living far outweigh them.

We’re currently exploring Mexico City, and in a full-circle moment, we met up with—who else?—Clare and Darcy. Their living example over the years gave us the vision and inspiration we needed to finally realize our dream.

Me and Lisa (on the right) with Clare and Darcy in Mexico City

What are your dreams? What does your ideal life look like? Find people who are already doing it. Pick their brains, in real life or virtually. Be inspired. Follow their example. If you do, you’ll be one step closer to living your dream, and you’ll take a giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

A Simple Way to Help a Loved One in Pain

I’m a fixer.

In response to a frustration, hurt, or problem in a loved one’s life, my first instinct is to fix it. To solve it. To make it go away.

But for some of the deepest struggles in life, there is no fix. No solve. No solution. There is only acceptance. Endurance. Embracing. Sharing. Supporting. This is where real love and true friendship are shown. 

When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.

henri nouwen

When a friend is struggling, it gives me hope knowing I don’t have to have sage advice or just the right words of comfort. What matters most is my willingness to walk the dark road beside them.

So when a loved one is in pain, simply show up. Be there. Embrace the silence. Admit that you don’t know what you don’t know. If you do, you’ll provide a deep comfort, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published July 8, 2023.

From the June 23, 2023 daily mediation from The Henri Nouwen Society

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

How a Surprise Question Gave Me a Great Gift

“Would you read this story to me?”

I was walking through the cafe in a Barnes and Noble bookstore during one of my wife Lisa McMann‘s recent book signings. An adult young woman sat at a table with whom I assume was her mother. When I smiled at them, the young woman pointed to the picture book in front of her and asked, “Would you read this story to me?” 

I was tempted to laugh awkwardly, nod to the woman’s mother, and continue walking. I mean, who reads a picture book to an adult stranger in the middle of a busy cafe? Not to mention that I’m normally too caught up in my busy schedule to even consider such a request, subconsciously absorbed in my own exaggerated self-importance.

But for some reason, I paused and leaned down to look at the book. I pointed to the first word, “For,” and asked the young woman if she could read it. She said no, and given her child-like manner of speaking, I guessed she was neurodivergent. Her mother murmured something in Spanish that I didn’t understand. 

I began to read. It was the story of the birth of Jesus set to T’was the Night Before Christmas. The young woman listened with rapt attention, eagerly turning the beautifully illustrated pages. 

As I read, I wondered what her mother’s life was like. Raising a dependent neurodivergent adult must bring challenges and joys that I can only imagine. When we reached the moment in the story where the angels appeared to the shepherds, I felt that the two women beside me were closer to angels than I’ll ever be. 

As the familiar words of hope, belonging, and ultimate love fell from my lips, I felt our perceived differences of gender, age, race, and neurological functioning fade away. For one sacred moment, I saw the truth—we were simply three wonderful, needy people, deeply loved by God and longing to be accepted.

When I finished the story, we exchanged farewells, and I walked away feeling like those women had given given me a far greater gift than I’d given them. 

Chance opportunities to deeply connect with others are all around us. How many have I missed, too caught up in my own fears, hopes, desires, and plans? God, help me walk through life with open eyes and an open heart. 

As you go through this holiday season, lift your head. Really see those around you. Pause. Be kind. Smile. Encourage. Remember and celebrate our shared humanity. If you do, you’ll find you receive more than you give, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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