Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

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Find Peace by Recognizing Your False Self

The goal of this blog is to share my journey to find my True Self in hopes that it helps you do the same.

The writings of Richard Rohr have been instrumental on that journey. In the following, he cuts to the heart of some common delusions and shines a light on our True Selves with warmth and compassion. While he writes from a spiritual worldview, I believe there’s much to be gained from his insights regardless of where you’re at on the spiritual belief spectrum. My sincere hope is that these words will help you take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

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Father Richard describes the false self in the CAC’s online course Immortal Diamond: 

The false self is all the things we pretend to be and think we are. It is the pride, arrogance, title, costume, role, and degree we take to be ourselves. It’s almost entirely created by our minds, our cultures, and our families. It is what’s passing and what’s going to die, and it is not who we are. For many people this is all they have—but all of it is going to die when we die.  

When we buy into the false self and overidentify with it, we have to keep overidentifying with it, defending it, and promoting it as “the best.” The false self is overidentified on a social level, a corporate level, a national level, an ethnic level. There is the Catholic false self, the Protestant false self, the American false self—we can pick on whatever group we want. 

Many people in the United States really think that God has shed unique grace on our country—but have they ever walked outside our borders? There’s plenty of grace to the North and the South, in Europe and Africa. Grace is everywhere! When I was growing up as a Catholic boy in Kansas, we viewed all Protestants as heretics who were going to hell, but then I grew up and met a few nice Methodists, and I found out they thought I was going to hell too! It’s just laughable.  

We have to undercut the illusion right at the beginning, and when we do that, we discover the True Self “hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3). Our True Self in God becomes our touchstone and absolutely levels the playing field. It gives us a new set of eyes.  

We each have different faces and different colors of skin; some of us have hair, some of us don’t; some are tall, some are a little shorter. If we are living out of the false self, all we can do is measure, compare, evaluate, and label. That’s what I call dualistic thinking, and it’s where our world lives. Many people think that all they have are these external costumes—but when we put on the eyes and mind of Christ, we have a new pair of glasses. We can look around and know that the world is filled with infinite images of God. Isn’t that a nicer world to live in? It’s the ultimate political-social critique.  

I hope we’re all moving in the direction of knowing who we really are, letting go of our preoccupation with how we look or measure up. As we come to a deeper acceptance of our True Self, we know our identity comes from God’s love, not from what other people think or say about us. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to present our best face; in fact, my mother would be disappointed if she thought I were saying otherwise. We just can’t take any of it too seriously.

As published in the Aug 8, 2023 Daily Meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org). Adapted from Richard Rohr, Immortal Diamond(Albuquerque, NM: Center for Action and Contemplation, 2020–), online course.  

2 Keys to Finding Fulfillment

I am a master of self-deception.

Time after time, season after season, year after year, I sought fulfillment in many things—relationships, praise, career, material possessions, experiences. Each time the long sought thing was finally in my grasp, I felt the same sense of disappointment. Apparently that wasn’t “it” either.

I wish everyone could get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they could see that it’s not the answer.

jim carrey, actor

I think that repeated lesson is sinking in. When I recently achieved my lifelong goal of becoming a published author and spoke to cheering crowds, had packed book signings, and traveled the country for events, I savored the moments as best I could. But when the lights were off and the crowds were gone, I wasn’t surprised to feel… normal. Like the same old me. I was greeted by that familiar sense of, “That was great, but not ultimately fulfilling.” I’m at peace with that now because I know that my career, like so many other things, will never provide that feeling. I’ve found it elsewhere.

I failed at this inner equilibrium for decades, and I’m sure I’ll fail at it again in the future. But for now, I’m good. There are two keys that helped me find my current sense of fulfillment:

1. HUMILITY

I need to continually be honest with myself about my failures, shortcomings, and growth edges, and embrace my shadow side; to love my humanness, in both its glory and frailty. This keeps me from narcissistic ego inflation when the wins are racking up and crushing despair at my inevitable failures. 

2. IDENTITY

I need to ground my sense of self in something stable, dependable, and external. For me, that’s God, and my identity as God’s child. That feels like an unshakable foundation that isn’t changed by money loss, illness, death, dissolving relationships, career shifts, what others think of me, or my own successes and failures.

Author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen beautifully captured this common struggle for fulfillment:

Aren’t you, like me, hoping that some person, thing, or event will come along to give you that final feeling of inner well-being you desire? Don’t you often hope: ‘May this book, idea, course, trip, job, country, or relationship fulfill my deepest desire’? But as long as you are waiting for that mysterious moment, you will go on running helter-skelter, always anxious and restless, always lustful and angry, never fully satisfied. You know that this is the compulsiveness that keeps us going and busy, but at the same time makes us wonder whether we are getting anywhere in the long run. This is the way to spiritual exhaustion and burnout.

henri nouwen

How’s your sense of fulfillment these days? Could it use a boost? Accept that it will not be found ‘out there.’ Admit your growth edges. Embrace your shadow side. Anchor your identity in something worthy of it, whatever that means for you. If you do, the fulfillment you seek will not be far behind, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

Heal Conflict by Addressing the Hidden Emotion

Everyone on the subway car tensed.

A hulking man had just staggered on at the last stop. He was obviously drunk, and his belligerent behavior was on the edge of turning violent. One passenger, an accomplished martial artist, stood, ready to fight if needed.

Then a thin, quavering voice called out, “Friend, what have you been drinking?” Everyone turned to see a frail old man sitting in the corner, smiling serenely up at the disrupter.

The drunken man towered over the speaker, his face swollen with anger. “Sake!” he bellowed in the old man’s face.

“Ah, that’s a good drink,” the old man said. Then he gestured to the seat beside him. “Come, sit by me, friend, and tell me your troubles.”

Five minutes later, the angry giant lay with his head in the old man’s lap, tearfully pouring out his sorrows as the old man stroked his hair.

I don’t remember where I read that reportedly true story many years ago, but the vivid image never left me. How had the old man diffused a potentially volatile situation so unexpectedly? By looking past the drunken man’s presenting emotion to the one beneath. By focusing on the grief hidden behind the anger. By responding with love and understanding rather than defensiveness and judgement.

Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being, something that needs our love.

rainer maria rilke

In The Emotional Craft of Fiction, author Donald Maass urges writers to surprise readers by looking past their character’s obvious emotions and revealing underlying ones. He says that humans are complex creatures, and skilled authors make the effort to dig deeper for emotional truth.

I’m trying to apply that principle in real life. Learning not to make snap judgements when someone’s less pleasant emotions are on display. Pausing to think about why that young dad might speak harshly to his child (maybe his wife just left him). Why that cashier is coming across rude and disengaged (she just heard she was being laid off). Why that elderly man is staring into space while blocking the grocery aisle with his cart (his wife of fifty-six years just died).

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

ian maclaren

A few years ago, I was walking through a park in Sacramento CA when a man standing on the sidewalk began yelling unintelligibly. People streamed by, ignoring him. Given the rate of mental illness among the city’s homeless population, the incident was unfortunately not uncommon. But something about this man seemed different to me. I walked over and asked him what was wrong. He said he’d just been discharged from the hospital and didn’t know where he was or how to get home. He wasn’t actually angry—he was scared. My wife and I hired a Lyft to take him home.

As the car pulled away, a man nearby asked me what had happened. After I explained the situation, he said, “You know if more of us took the time to do things like that, we wouldn’t need so many social programs.”

You’ve probably seen enough of life to know that all such situations aren’t resolved so easily. People and circumstances are complex. But you can learn to recognize the inner emotion behind the outer one. Respond to the fear lurking beneath your father’s anger. React to the insecurity cowering behind your coworker’s arrogance. Acknowledge the depression covered by your friend’s apathy. And like the old man on the subway, choose to respond with love. If you do, the world will be a better place, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published Jan 8, 2022.

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