For many of us, the start of a New Year is a time to focus on improving ourselves. We work on becoming more of the kind of person we really want to be. I’m a big fan of that tradition. That’s the focus of this blog – becoming your True Self by developing a better you – so I hope this space will help you on your way all year long.
That said, standard New Year’s resolutions have a pretty high crash and burn rate. Why is that? When our intentions are so good, why do we struggle to follow through with meaningful, lasting change? As you make your New Year’s resolutions, here are 3 simple steps to consider that will really up your odds of success:
STEP 1: PICK YOUR PASSION – Make sure the change you’re considering is truly something you’re passionate about. It’s easy to fall into the “I should make this change” trap. “I should read more / exercise / loose weight / go to church,” etc. All of those things are great but if your motivation for doing them is really outside pressure then your likelihood of following through is low. Choose a goal about which you can honestly say “I want to make this change.” The odds of you sticking with it when the going gets tough is much higher.
STEP 2: FIND YOUR FOCUS – As admirable as it may be to say “I’m going to loose weight, volunteer at a charity, clean and organize my house, get out of debt, take up painting and end world hunger this year!”, it’s probably not going to happen. The best way to lasting, positive change is to pick just one or two areas that you really want to focus on. If you knock them out early and have the motivation for additional goals later in the year, awesome! You can always add them then.
STEP 3: SET YOUR STRATEGY – Achieving a meaningful goal, even one that you’re passionate about and focused on, can still be a daunting challenge. One great way to make it less overwhelming is to break it into small steps. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Now that you’ve identified your elephant with steps 1 and 2, take a few minutes to make your bite plan. Start with the simple parts (the tail) and let the celebration of those small victories feed your motivation to tackle slightly bigger bites (the legs). By the time you reach the big sections (the body), you’ll be rolling with confidence!
Here’s an example of how I’m applying these steps in my life this year:
STEP 1: PICKING MY PASSION – An issue I’ve been passionate about for many years is homelessness. There’s a lot of worthy causes out there but for some reason this one has consistently hit my heart. I want to do something this year to help people who are homeless. I’ve chosen a clear passion.
STEP 2: FINDING MY FOCUS – This one is tough for me because I like to work on improving a lot of different aspects of my life simultaneously. But, along with some “next step” goals from things I focused on last year (getting an agent for my recently finished first novel and continuing to conquer my inner pack rat by decluttering), I’m choosing to concentrate on finding a way to help those struggling with homelessness in my new part-time city of Sacramento (my wife Lisa and I are doing a one year experiment this year of living part-time at our house in Mesa, AZ and part-time in an apartment in Sacramento, CA near our son).
STEP 3: SETTING MY STRATEGY – Homelessness is a big problem in Sacramento. I see people without a place to live virtually everyday. I often feel so unequipped to make any significant difference in such an elephant of a cause. Here’s how I’m attempting to break my goal down into manageable bites:
A. BE AWARE – I’m starting with forcing myself to be aware. It’s so easy to walk through the city and turn a blind eye to the homeless. Seeing other people suffer is painful and can make me feel guilty for what I have so for me, this is a good first small bite.
B. SHOW RESPECT – I’ve realized that part of the pain that homeless people feel is the judgement and lack of respect they get from others. So my next bite is choosing to look them in the eye and smile or say hello. It seems like such a small thing but more than once, I’ve noticed how surprised a homeless person is to receive such a simple act of respect.
C. ENGAGE – I’ve started looking for signs that a homeless person is open to a more significant exchange. A few weeks ago, I was jogging in a park when a young homeless man asked me a question. I stopped and answered him. Then I sat on the bench beside him, asked him a few questions about his life and we had a great conversation. A few days ago, my wife Lisa and I were on a walk looking for a landmark but couldn’t find it. I noticed a homeless woman sitting nearby so I asked her if she knew where it was. Lisa and I bantered with the woman for a few minutes and joked around. We were careful to talk with her exactly like we would talk with anyone else we had just met. I could hear in the woman’s voice and see on her face her surprise that we were engaging with her in a normal way vs. pretending that she wasn’t there or looking down on her.
D. GIVE PRACTICAL HELP – When I’m in AZ, I volunteer my time with and financially support a fantastic organization called Furnishing Dignity that provides free furniture to people transitioning from homeless. Now I’m using volunteermatch.org to research volunteer opportunities in Sacramento and hope to find a similar organization to commit to when I’m in CA.
So how about it? How would you apply these steps to your goals this year? I’d love for you to share your plans in the comment section below. Give these 3 simple steps a try. If you do, you’ll take another big step toward Becoming Yourself.
I was recently reminded of one of those dreams. I tend to be more reflective this time of year and that led me to look at some old journal notes. I stumbled across a dream that I had written down on Dec 31, 2015 because it felt like one of the “more meaningful” variety. It seems somehow appropriate for Old Year’s reflection and New Year’s goal setting so I thought I’d share it here. I hope that it helps you decide on what you want to achieve or, more importantly, who you want to be in the year ahead. Remember, this is a recording of a dream so take that into account as you assess the weirdness factor :)
1. PLAY – it’s the field where new ideas are birthed and all things are
2. DREAM – allow God and/or your own imagination to bring visions to your mind and heart. Dream big dreams. What are you passionate about? What would you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail? What would you try if you had unlimited resources? Take a few minutes to regularly let your mind run free this year. It will probably point you in some new, life-giving directions.
3. PRAY – ask God for wisdom and direction on what you should do. If the God thing isn’t for you, seek advice from others you respect on significant decisions you need to make or ideas you have. This is a smart thing to do in addition to prayer anyway. It can help you focus your efforts and avoid pitfalls in the year ahead.
4. PLAN – prepare, organize, and do the work of going after your dreams. When I lived in Michigan, we had an auto insurance acronym called P.L.P.D. I don’t remember what it stood for but I’ve revamped it for my own life to stand for Pray, List, Prioritize, Do. It’s been a helpful framework to give some direction to my goals for years.