Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: helping others (Page 2 of 2)

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Why Am I Here? Find Freedom and Focus with an Answer to One of Life’s Biggest Questions

August 31, 2019 / / 4 Comments

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Why am I here? Why do I even exist? Have you ever asked yourself that big question? Do you ever wrestle with a nagging sense of responsibility? The feeling that you should be spending your life well but not being sure what that actually means?

I was struggling with this question back in college and came up with an answer. Thirty years later, it’s still serving me well. Having a working response to “Why am I here?” grounds me, gives me relief from guilt, and provides an overall sense of direction and focus for my life. My specific answers may not be right for you, but I hope that reading them will help you come up with your own. So here’s my take. I exist to do 4 things:

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1. KNOW GOD – You may not believe in God. I get that. If so, feel free to skip to #2. My belief in God is based on a lot of very subjective personal experiences and some rational arguments that, while certainly not conclusive, are more compelling to me than the counter positions. I could be wrong on that score, but that’s where I’m at now. For me, this is my most important reason for existing because all my other reasons flow from it. I’ve found that pursuing a personal relationship with God fuels the other three things on my list while giving me comfort, hope, meaning and much more. 

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2. KNOW MYSELF – If you’ve read any of my other Becoming Yourself blog posts, you probably know that self-knowledge is a pretty big deal to me. I need a really good handle on who I am in order to become who I want to be. A sometimes painful peeling of the layers of my own proverbial onion is necessary for personal development. Since this is key to a rich, satisfying life, it comes in at #2 on my list. Here’s a few of my favorite quotes on this topic:

“All spiritual growth is no more than a matter of becoming who we already are.”  Richard Rohr

“The early Buddhist view is that much or most of the misery of human life resulted from the false view of self.”  Parfit

“To that which Thou hast made me, I aspire.”  George MacDonald

3. HELP OTHERS – Most of us would probably agree with this one, but have you ever wondered why? First off, I believe that if some objective standard of Right and Wrong exists, helping other people falls on the “Right” side of things. Second, the Golden Rule I learned as a kid still applies (“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Jesus in Luke 6:31) I definitely need and want people to help me, so it makes sense to reciprocate. Third, it makes me feel good. Giving some of my time, talents, effort, and money to lighten someone else’s load gives me good vibes in return.

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I’m reminded of another reason for helping others – it has a positive ripple effect. My wife Lisa and I were returning from our walk one morning when we passed a disheveled elderly man yelling something at people in the park. Unfortunately, homelessness is a common problem for many in Sacramento, so he was being ignored. As I listened, I realized he wasn’t being belligerent but asking for help. I said good morning and asked him what he needed. He explained he’d just been released from the hospital and was trying to get back to his house, about a ten minute drive away. We don’t have a car in Sacramento so we called him a Lyft and explained the situation to the driver. Once we were sure she was comfortable taking the man home for us, we got him buckled into her car, paid for the ride and gave the driver a good tip.

As the Lyft was pulling away, a man walking his dog asked us if everything was all right. After we told him what had happened, he thanked us for what we’d done. He said if we all took the time to do small things like that to help each other, then we wouldn’t need as many government social programs. I was reminded that when I help people, I motivate others to do the same.

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4. ENJOY LIFE – I think that enjoying life is not just fun and relaxing but one of my key reasons for being. It makes me much more pleasant to be around and fills my emotional tank, which helps me live out the other three reasons listed above. Spending time doing things I enjoy reminds me that I’m a human being not a human doing. I could be wrong, but I think I’m more than a cosmic accident of time + matter + energy + chance. I believe I was made for joy and a relationship with God (“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy would be complete.” Jesus in John 15:11). Lisa and I had our kids not so they could produce work but so that we could enjoy them and they could enjoy life. I think God did the same in creating me.

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So how about you? Why are you here? Why do you think you exist? What reasons would make your list? Take a few minutes today to think it through. Keep your answer short. Make it simple. Easy to remember. Enjoy the freedom and focus that having an answer brings. Use it as a framework to build your life around. Let it guide your future plans and daily decisions. If you do, you’ll take another giant step toward Becoming Yourself.

What I Learned About Dreams on the Set of “Nancy Drew”

April 6, 2019 / / 0 Comments

I recently saw my daughter Kennedy get recognized on the street. She’d just wrapped her first week of filming in Vancouver for a new Nancy Drew TV pilot for the CW network. After four thousand young women from multiple countries auditioned, Kennedy landed the coveted roll of Nancy Drew. Even though the first episode hasn’t finished filming yet, the press buzz about the project was enough to have a stranger know Kennedy’s name and ask for a photo with her.

It was one of a number of surreal moments my wife and I had while visiting Kennedy on set. We chatted with actor Freddie Prinze Jr., who is playing Nancy Drew’s father. At dinner with some of the cast and crew, we learned the director Larry Teng got his start working with James Cameron on the movie Titanic. The actor playing Nancy’s best friend, Leah Lewis, is set to star in a new Netflix movie. Tunji Kasim, cast as Nancy’s boyfriend, just wrapped a film with Helen Mirren and Gandalf himself, Sir Ian McKellen.

One of my favorite moments was watching the filming of a city street scene. While police stopped traffic and a few of the two-hundred person crew held back onlookers, the director yelled action, sending one-hundred and thirty extras into motion. Then came my daughter, her hair newly dyed an iconic Nancy Drew red, running through the street, her every move tracked by a crane-mounted camera. The director called cut, and as people clapped, Kennedy flashed me a smile of pure joy. I melted.

We all have dreams. Things we long for, hope for, and imagine as the ideal version of our lives. While it’s great to chase those personal goals, watching my daughter soar helped me realize something important:

SOMETIMES HELPING SOMEONE ELSE ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMS IS MORE FULFILLING THAN ACHIEVING YOUR OWN

There are things I dream about, like having one of my novels published, attaining long-term success as a writer, and traveling to my bucket-list places. But as Kennedy and I chatted in her trailer on set, I realized that nothing I could accomplish, no personal goal I might meet, will ever give me the joy I get watching one of my kids fulfill their dreams.

Kennedy’s dream-come-true came with a price. It took an incredible amount of drive, determination, and courage on her part, not to mention thirteen years of blood, sweat, and tears training as an actor. But it cost Lisa and me as well. The hours spent chauffeuring her to auditions, rehearsals, lessons, and performances. The uncounted less-than-stellar youth theater productions we attended. The complicated, high-stress college audition process, flying around the country attempting to get into a top drama program. Then the huge financial price tag that came with acceptance to Carnegie Mellon University, one of the best acting schools in the U.S..

Suffice to say, the cost of helping Kennedy nurture her dream was high. But standing on set that day, seeing her smile light up the street, made every sacrifice more than worth it. I would do it all over again.

So how about you? How can you help the people in your life achieve their dreams? Supporting your own child is an obvious example, but for you, maybe it’s a friend, a co-worker, another family member, or even a stranger. What sacrifice of time, advice, money, encouragement, or energy could you give to help someone else flourish? If you’re willing to help others shine, you just might find it brings you closer to the life you’ve always wanted. And you’ll have taken another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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