Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: Henri Nouwen (Page 7 of 7)

How to Satisfy Your Desires

January 29, 2022 / / 2 Comments

If I asked you what you desire, how would you respond? 

Popular responses would be money, sex, popularity, a romantic partner, a great job, an easy life. All of those are good things. They are what I’d call surface desires. 

If we still our minds, gaze inward and think honestly, other desires may come to mind. To be known. To be understood. To be unconditionally loved. To have inner peace. To have meaning and purpose. To have true security. To have a sense of adventure. To feel truly alive. I call these deep desires. 

I recently came across a quote by Henri Nouwen (1932-1996), an author, theologian and professor at Havard and Yale Universities:

Jesus’ core message was that God is neither a powerless weakling nor a powerful boss, but a lover, whose only desire is to give us what our hearts most desire.

Henri nouwen

When I read that, I asked myself the obvious question—what are my desires? What first came to mind were my surface desires, and Nouwen’s statement didn’t seem true. But as I reflected more, I tapped into my deeper desires, and I realized that, for me, God has in fact satisfied them. 

God may have no place in your worldview, and I sincerely respect that position. All I’m attempting to do here is share my experience. While I can find ways to satisfy my surface desires from other sources, I’ve only been able to truly satisfy my deeper desires through my relationship with God. All other attempts have left me wanting.

So what are your surface desires? How about your deep desires? Which are satisfied and which are unfulfilled? What sources do you turn to in an attempt to meet them?

Be honest with yourself about your level of fulfillment. If your deeper desires feel unsatisfied and God is not part of your worldview, consider experimenting with including God. Read a short daily email excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s writings (a is sample below and you can subscribe here. You can read how I connect with God here). If that doesn’t work, try something else that sounds intriguing to you. If you do, you’ll discover a more satisfied life, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

From “You are the Beloved” by Henri Nouwen:

Most of us distrust God. Most of us think of God as a fearful, punitive authority or as an empty, powerless nothing. Jesus’ core message was that God is neither a powerless weakling nor a powerful boss, but a lover, whose only desire is to give us what our hearts most desire.

To pray is to listen to that voice of love. That is what obedience is all about. The word obedience comes from the Latin word ob-audire, which means “to listen with great attentiveness.” Without listening, we become “deaf” to the voice of love. The Latin word for deaf is surdus. To be completely deaf is to be absurdus, yes, absurd. When we no longer pray, no longer listen to the voice of love that speaks to us in the moment, our lives become absurd lives in which we are thrown back and forth between the past and the future.

If we could just be, for a few minutes each day, fully where we are, we would indeed discover that we are not alone and that the One who is with us wants only one thing: to give us love.

From the daily email from The Henri Nouwen Society (henrinouwen.org) Jan 20, 2022. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen, (c) 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

Want a Positive Sense of Identity? Share Your Weaknesses

August 14, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Know thyself.

Socrates

Who are you, Lord, and who am I?

St. Francis of assisi

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.

Carl Jung

Discovering an authentic and unflinching sense of self has long been a key pursuit of philosophy, religion, and psychology. My own true identity is something I’ve been consciously seeking for decades with varied success. It often feels like I take two steps forward and one step back. Surge up the hill one day and slide down the next. It’s a frustrating yet incredibly rewarding journey. I truly believe finding and living from my true identity is key to my peace, healing, joy and best life.

I’ve written frequently about the importance of finding your identity (see here and here) but not always as vulnerably as I should have. The following reflection from author Henri Nouwen really challenged me (you can sign up for a daily email excerpt of Henri’s writing here). I see myself in his words. To share my weaknesses, failures, and growth edges is difficult for me. I like to present to my friends and family, my readers, even God and myself an in control, on-top-of-everything version of me.

But that’s not reality. I’m a mixed bag. Most days are good, even great, in my effort to live out of an awakened, grounded sense of personal identity. Other days I’m far afield, lost in the fog, wondering where my confidence and joy went.

I realize now that those “off days” are normal and okay. Admitting my struggles to my wife, my accountability partner, close friends, you, and God is one of the best ways I’ve found to lead me back to myself. In addition, that kind of vulnerability brings us together, and sometimes even helps others find themselves too.

So, as Henri challenged me below, I’ll continue to share more of my failures as well as my successes. I hope you find yourself in his words too, and that they encourage you to share more vulnerably with those around you. If you do, you’ll find you are not alone in your struggles, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Sharing our Weakness by Henri Nouwen

Over the last few years I have been increasingly aware that true healing mostly takes place through the sharing of weakness. Mostly we are so afraid of our weaknesses that we hide them at all cost and thus make them unavailable to others but also often to ourselves. And, in this way, we end up living double lives even against our own desires: one life in which we present ourselves to the world, to ourselves, and to God as a person who is in control and another life in which we feel insecure, doubtful, confused, and anxious and totally out of control. The split between these two lives causes us a lot of suffering. I have become increasingly aware of the importance of overcoming the great chasm between these two lives and am becoming more and more aware that facing, with others, the reality of our existence can be the beginning of a truly free life.

It is amazing in my own life that true friendship and community became possible to the degree that I was able to share my weaknesses with others. Often I became aware of the fact that in the sharing of my weaknesses with others, the real depths of my human brokenness and weakness and sinfulness started to reveal themselves to me, not as a source of despair but as a source of hope. As long as I try to convince myself or others of my independence, a lot of my energy is invested in building up my own false self. But once I am able to truly confess my most profound dependence on others and on God, I can come in touch with my true self and real community can develop.

This excerpt is from the Daily Meditation by the Henri Nouwen Society on July 27, 2021 henrinouwen.org, taken from “You are the Beloved”by Henri J.M. Nouwen© 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

The Secret to a Secure Identity? Letting Go

May 8, 2021 / / 0 Comments

Dear God, I am so afraid to open my clenched fists! Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to? Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands? Please help me to gradually open my hands and to discover that I am not what I own, but what you want to give me. And what you want to give me is love—unconditional, everlasting love. Amen.

Henri Nouwen (professor, author, theologian, 1932-1996)

Regardless of where we place ourselves on the spiritual spectrum, I believe this quote has something to teach us about identity.

There was a reason Henri Nouwen prayed those words so fervently. After nearly twenty years as a professor at Notre Dame, Yale and Harvard, Henri walked away from his lauded position in academia to work with mentally and developmentally challenged adults. His choice to step out of the spotlight forced him to wrestle with his true sense of identity.

I can relate to that struggle. I went through a similar, though far less noble, transition in my own life which led me to the same place (I wrote about that story here). With that in mind, three lessons stand out to me from Henri’s words:

1. We have a natural tendency to base our identity on things outside ourselves. A title. A position. A career. Money. A relationship. A talent. We clutch them in tight fists, fearful that if they slip away, as Henri asked, who will we be when we stand with empty hands? If I’m no longer a parent, a teacher, a musician, a business owner, a spouse, a ‘fill-in-the-blank’, then who am I?

2. This tendency is a barrier to our growth, hindering us from experiencing the life we truly desire. When we base our identity, consciously or unconsciously, on temporary, fragile things, we often live with a continual low-grade anxiety over losing them. It erodes our sense of peace, contentment, and security, and can lead to unhealthy levels of attachment. We’ve all seen examples of parents whose entire lives revolve around their child, to the detriment of both. Workaholics who live for climbing that next rung on the ladder of success. Even volunteers who, with false modesty, base their identity on the recognition they receive for their service to others. When we take what is meant to be a good segment of our lives and make it the foundation of our identity, we’re in trouble. We’re asking these things to carry a load they were never meant to bear.

3. When we courageously choose to open our hands and let go, we can find freedom, security and deep contentment. Naming and releasing things we’ve used to prop up our ego for years is not easy. But when replaced by something better, the process can yield amazing results. The source of those positive benefits depends on what you believe and where you choose to anchor yourself. Like Henri did, I find my deepest identity in being God’s child and in God’s unconditional love for me. For you, it may be in yourself or in a relationship or in the harmony of the Universe or in something else. Whatever your “it” is, make sure it’s something secure, unshakable, and worthy of being the foundation of your life.

So how about you? Have you gone through a crisis of identity? Are you in one now? Be honest about what you may be holding too tightly. Search sincerely for something you can truly believe in. Let go of life’s fragile things and trust that your secure foundation will catch you. If you do, you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

Newer posts »

Never Miss a Post – Subscribe Here!

© 2024 Becoming Yourself

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑