Becoming Yourself

Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 2 of 62)

Use Autumn to Reflect

October 5, 2024 / / 2 Comments

There’s something special about autumn.

The crisp air. The vibrant purple, red, and gold leaves. A steaming cup of tea. A crackling fire. An artful display of pumpkins, cornstalks, and apples.

Autumn has been my favorite season since childhood. Now that the calendar has flipped to October, I’ve been thinking about why I enjoy this time of year so much.

There’s a preciousness to fall that heightens its delights. I know these magical days are fleeting. The long lazy days of summer are over and the cold dark winter lies ahead. It makes me want to savor this season.

Autumn is a time of reflection. Its transitional nature encourages me to ponder my life. What seasons have come and gone? Which has most recently waned and which one awaits? Where do I find myself now?

The last year an a half has been a time of intense change in my career, family, and way of living (I wrote about those changes here). The current season for my wife Lisa and me is dominated by adapting to our new nomadic lifestyle. Three months ago, we finished selling our condo, our rental houses, and almost all our possessions. We now live in hotels, AirBnbs, and with friends and family throughout the US, and we’ll soon be heading abroad. 

At times I wonder if we’re crazy. This way of life is so different than anything we’ve done before, and the challenges are real. But overall, we’re loving the freedom, spontaneity, variety, and relational connections that nomadic life provides. In the frustrating times, I think of how proud I am of us for taking the leap into this dream we’ve had for so long, and remind myself we can always plant roots again if we choose.

What reflections is this autumn season stirring in you? Take time to ponder. Wander a wood, a park, a lane. Look back on the seasons of your life. Observe honestly where you are now. Gaze at what lies ahead. Practice gratitude for it all. Let the insights you gain guide your path. If you do, you’ll experience a deep joy this autumn, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

A Simple Way to Help a Loved One in Pain

September 28, 2024 / / 2 Comments

I’m a fixer.

In response to a frustration, hurt, or problem in a loved one’s life, my first instinct is to fix it. To solve it. To make it go away.

But for some of the deepest struggles in life, there is no fix. No solve. No solution. There is only acceptance. Endurance. Embracing. Sharing. Supporting. This is where real love and true friendship are shown. 

When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.

henri nouwen

When a friend is struggling, it gives me hope knowing I don’t have to have sage advice or just the right words of comfort. What matters most is my willingness to walk the dark road beside them.

So when a loved one is in pain, simply show up. Be there. Embrace the silence. Admit that you don’t know what you don’t know. If you do, you’ll provide a deep comfort, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published July 8, 2023.

From the June 23, 2023 daily mediation from The Henri Nouwen Society

Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books.

Leonard thinks he's a lapdog

Are You Fluid Like Water or Fixed Like Stone?

September 21, 2024 / / 0 Comments

I’ve been getting frustrated.

My wife Lisa and I have been pet sitting for our daughter and son-in-law for about a week. One cat, Mama, is an angel, while their other cat, PeePee, hates me with a passion. She frequently greets me with a hiss and a swipe of her claws. Their older dog Otis is a little Maltipoo. He can be a drama king, but he’s a lovable charmer and fairly easy to care for.

And then there’s Leonard. At six months old and nearly sixty pounds, this Bernedoodle is a handful. Imagine a giant toddler with fangs who’s strong enough to bowl you over.

Leonard’s paw-to-hand ratio

Don’t get me wrong. I love Leonard. He’s goofy and fluffy and affectionate and playful and smart. He’s going to be an amazing adult dog. But right now he’s a puppy with no concept of his size and strength and a maw like a Great White. He needs almost constant attention to keep him from inadvertently destroying the house, himself, or us.

I love and thrive in routine. I get up, do my stretches and workout, make my tea and have my quiet time of meditation, reflection, and prayer. Lisa and I take our walk, then we dive into our work for the morning until 1:00 pm when we break for lunch and a few hours of creativity-replenishing reality TV. We round out the day with a late afternoon into early evening work session before going to bed early to read and play on our computers. 

Leonard is having none of it. He has his own schedule, thank you very much. But I can be stubborn and obtuse, so I’ve been trying to make Leonard work with my routine. I know that sounds idiotic, but when in the midst of a storm, sometimes my vision is cloudy.

Leonard is a force of nature, unyielding, with aspects beyond my control. My attempts to live my normal routine with him in the mix has only led to mounting frustration. Something has to change, and at this stage of his life, it isn’t going to be Leonard.

So Lisa and I have created a new routine that works with Leonard instead of fighting against him—shifting my quiet time, our lunch schedule, our TV watching. Splitting up watch duties instead of both of us being “on” during all his waking hours. Trying to become fluid like water vs fixed like stone. 

We’re in the midst of the change now, and the early results are promising. I’m already more relaxed, less stressed, and getting more done.

When life hands you a challenge you can’t avoid, adapt. Change your schedule, routine, and expectations to work with the new element vs against it. Shift your rigidity. Be fluid like water, not fixed like stone. If you do, you’ll find renewed peace and productivity, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

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