Developing a Better You

Tag: personal growth (Page 20 of 71)

Want a Smoother Life Journey? Name the Wind

I recently watched a feather dance on the breeze.

It was the movement that caught my eye. A glint of white controlled by invisible strings, dipping right, then left, soaring one moment and diving the next. It was all the more noticeable because the day seemed perfectly calm. There was not a hint of wind that I could detect. Yet the flight of this feather proved otherwise.

It made me think about my own life. How often am I affected by unseen forces, the movements of my life influenced by things I can’t see? That I’m oblivious to? Forgotten hurts from my past. Deeply buried trauma. Unresolved conflicts. Unfulfilled dreams. Unrealized expectations. They all push and pull me, buffeting my perspective, my attitude, my emotions, my mood. How quick am I to notice the way they shape my day-to-day life experience?

These forces are inevitable. The path of life doesn’t always run smoothly. There are unseen realities we all must endure. I believe the goal is to pause long enough to recognize them. Stare them in the face. Drag them into the sunlight. Admit their influence. Ask the hard question that author, speaker, and pastor Andy Stanley often poses: “Is this a problem to be solved or a tension to be managed?” Solve the problems you can through counseling, therapy, meditation, prayer, study, or sharing with a trusted friend. Learn to manage the tensions that must be maintained, the forces that will affect your path for the rest of your life. Choose to embrace opposing influences and appreciate their competing strengths and weaknesses.

If you do, you’ll find a smoother, more enjoyable journey, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

This post was originally published September 11, 2021.

A Counterintuitive Path to Happiness—Embrace Suffering

I’ve always been fearful.

Along with my childhood fear of our creepy basement and my perfectly rational fear of sharks, a constant nemesis has been my fear of suffering. I hate it. I usually try to avoid it as much as possible and end it as quickly as I can.

But what if suffering is not only unavoidable but necessary for my happiness? 

The tendency to run away from suffering is there in every one of us. We think that by seeking pleasure we’ll avoid suffering. But this doesn’t work. It stunts our growth and our happiness. Happiness isn’t possible without understanding, compassion, and love. And love is not possible if we don’t understand our suffering and the other person’s suffering.

Getting in touch with suffering will help us cultivate compassion and love. Without understanding and love we can’t be happy, and we can’t make other people happy. We all have the seeds of compassion, forgiveness, joy, and nonfear in us. If we’re constantly trying to avoid suffering, there is no way for these seeds to grow.

Thich Nhat Hanh, Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh

I was raised in the Christian tradition. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to include wisdom from other faiths into my beliefs, along with insight from non-faith-based worldviews. It has expanded, strengthened, and clarified my perspective, while showing me that many traditions say similar things in different ways. 

The above quote by master Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh is one of those insights shared across wisdom traditions—a life dedicated to the avoidance of personal suffering will not lead to happiness. Happiness is a by-product of a life well lived, including meaningful work and helping to alleviate the suffering of others.

This doesn’t mean we should seek suffering. Suffering has a way of finding us without our help. Ending our unnecessary or self-induced suffering is a worthy endeavor. But a life committed to avoiding suffering is doomed to produce anxiety not peace, fear not contentment, emptiness not meaning, sadness not hope. Consider our relationships, physical health, and careers—if we avoid hard conversations, uncomfortable workouts, and studying or practicing for our profession, the results will be disastrous and not produce the happiness we’re looking for.

So find your passion. Help others. Live with purpose. Face the suffering that your intentional living brings. You’ll experience greater peace, contentment, and joy, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself. 

Text excerpt from Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh by Thich Nhat Hanh, p 81, compiled and edited by Melvin McLeod, Shambhala Publications 2011

Goal Setting for the New Year? Do a Few Things Well

I hate New Year’s resolutions.

Given that I write a personal development blog, that may sound odd. In my experience, goals forced by a date on the calendar have not worked well. I set too many, in too many areas, and usually flame out by February.

If New Year’s resolutions work for you, fantastic. You have my respect. For me, they feel overwhelming, and my failure to meet them kills my motivation to pursue personal development. This is especially true when it comes to goals based on helping others. 

I think that’s why I responded so strongly to this quote from author and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen:

The more I think about the human suffering in our world and my desire to offer a healing response, the more I realize how crucial it is not to allow myself to become paralyzed by feelings of impotence and guilt. More important than ever is to be very faithful to my vocation to do well the few things I am called to do and hold on to the joy and peace they bring me.

henri nouwen

Here are three things I take from this:

1. Guilt is not a helpful motivator.

It may get me to do something “good” in the short term, but it won’t set me up for long-term positive impact. I’ve started and abandoned many serving efforts based on guilt.

2. Doing a few things well is better than doing many things poorly.

The list of worthy causes and suffering people is endless. It’s easy to get sucked into spreading small bits of my limited time, energy, talents, and money in many places, making little real difference. Being honest about my passions, gifts, and interests, then finding one or two areas of need to focus them on will have far greater impact. Writing this blog and giving to Heifer International are two of my focus areas in this season.

3. Enjoy the personal benefits of helping others.

While it’s hopeful not my primary reason for serving, feeling joyful and peaceful is a great perk. Those highs keep me motivated when serving gets tough. 

What are you passionate about? What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? What are some areas of need that intersect with those things? Pick one or two projects and focus your efforts there. You’ll make a greater impact while having more fun, and you’ll take another step toward Becoming Yourself.

As shared in the Dec 21, 2023 Daily Meditation by the Henri Nouwen Society. Text excerpts taken from “You are the Beloved” by Henri J.M. Nouwen © 2017 by The Henri Nouwen Legacy Trust. Published by Convergent Books

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